Starry Night

I picked my way through the popcorn until I found the last M&M, and added it to my small pile of them.

“You know,” Taylor said, “What was the point of me making popcorn if you aren't going to eat it?”

“I will,” I assured her, but she just looked at me and then to my stack of candy. “The whole movie experience isn't an experience if you don't eat popcorn.”

I sighed and popped a buttery piece into my mouth, “Happy?”

She nodded and turned back to the DVD player, putting the disk in and hitting a few buttons. “Here we go,” Taylor said situating herself on the floor next to me. After a minute, she clapped her hands together loudly, “Okay, I have a good idea.”

I looked at her, raising my eyebrows, “Yeah?”

“Truth or Dare,” she said smiling.

Pointing to the TV as the slow music of Titanic started, I said, “What about the movie?”

“It's called multitasking, Stacy.”

I sighed and put an M&M in my mouth, chewing it slowly. I had never liked Truth or Dare, I mean who does? Spilling your deepest secret with someone you don't particularly trust or doing something so disgusting you gag just thinking about it doesn't sound like a game anyone would want to play—which is, of course, why people play it.

“Fine,” I finally agreed, figuring I didn't have anything to hide . “You wanna ask first?”

Taylor sat on her feet and smiled widely, “Sure. Okay now, Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

“Lemme think...” She said, putting her finger on her chin and cocking her head to the side.

“Okay, who was your first kiss?”

I thought for a second, search through my Florida memories, “Chris Perkins, during a game of Spin the Bottle.”

Taylor thought this over, watching as the guy in the movie searched through the safe for the Heart of the Ocean. “Now that sucks,” she said, “Not special at all.”

I nodded, “Tell me about it.”

We both watched the movie quietly for a minute. “Okay, your turn,” I said finally, “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” she replied, not looking away from the TV.

“First boyfriend?”

“Jake Meyers, in 7th grade.”

I nodded, turning my attention to the wind howling around the house; whipping at the bare branches in the distance and swirling the snow off the ground as if people were dancing in it. The scene was peaceful and I lost myself in it, as if I was one of the dancers waltzing in the winter wind, forgetting everything that was happening around me.

“Stacy, I just asked you Truth or Dare.” I came crashing back down to reality, and I looked at Taylor, blinking. “Oh, right,” I said, slowly catching my bearings again, “Truth.”

“Ugh, are you just going to say Truth the entire time?”

I smiled slightly and shrugged, “Probably.”

Taylor sighed, picking at a stray piece of yarn from the carpet. “Okay, I have a good one. Would you ever cheat on Connor?” I opened my mouth, the automatic answer already on to tip of my tongue, Of course not. But, technically, that would be a lie.

I hadn't talked to Brandon since the second week I had been in Dalton. No e-mail, no calls, not even a text. I started wondering how much he really missed me, but I hadn't tried to contact him either so I was just as guilty—especially with another boyfriend on my hands.

“Is it really that hard?” Taylor asked, turning her attention from the movie back toward me.

“No,” I said quickly, “Well, yeah. It's difficult to explain.” She popped a handful of popcorn into her mouth, “I've got time.”

“Well,” I started saying slowly, “his name's Brandon.”

Her face lit up, suddenly understanding. “Florida Dude!”

I smiled, remembering the day she had come over all those weeks ago. “Yeah.”

“I completely get it now. You love Connor, but you're still with Brandon. And somewhere inside, you want to let go because you don't like him anymore, but on the other hand, you don't want to severe the only true ties you have left with Florida.”

I blinked, “That's exactly right.”

“I have a big brain somewhere under here,” she said, tapping her head. “But the big problem is telling Connor.”

“Telling Connor? No way. He'd be so pissed at me...”

“He'd be more pissed if you never told him and he found out some other way.”

I thought this over, biting my bottom lip. “I don't know...”

“You have to believe me, Stacy. My first boyfriend, Jake, was cheating on me with my best friend. Who does that, by the way? I mean, total jackass. Anyway, it was his friend who told someone else who told the rest of the grade and finally, it made it to me. I was royally pissed, I mean beyond belief. I'll never forget the humiliation of everyone else already knowing besides me.” She poked my shoulder, “You need to tell him. Not me, or anybody else. You.”

“Fine,” I said.

“You promise?” Taylor held out her pinky finger and urged me to take it.

“I promise,” I muttered and we shook on it.

“Now about Brandon, you can just send him a message saying you don't want to go out anymore, that the long distance is too hard on the relationship.”

I raised my eyebrows. “You sound like a pro at this stuff.”

“I've been through enough bull shit with guys to learn it.”

I laughed, “Hopefully I won't have to go through the same thing.”

“Of course not! And trust me, Connor won't even get mad — where's your phone?”

I just looked at her, wondering how she got from talking about Connor to the whereabouts of my phone. “So you can message Brandon right now.” Taylor said in reply to my expression, sighing as if this was obvious, “I mean, you want to be completely in the clear before you tell Connor.”

“Oh,” I said, searching through my pocket. I eventually pulled it out and flipped the top screen open with ease. For a second, I just stared at the picture in the background. Connor was blurred and I was standing next to him, holding out my phone. I was laughing too hard to smile regularly and Connor was just looking at me, with that smirk I only knew too well, and putting bunny ears behind my head.

“I love this picture,” I said, laughing quietly to myself.

Taylor looked over my shoulder, “You two look like idiots.”

I shot her a look and opened my contacts, searching for Brandon's name. Finally, I opened a new text, but my fingers froze above the keyboard. I didn't want him to completely leave my life. I didn't want to say good-bye yet. I typed a simple hello and sent it, still not completely sure what I was doing.

Within minutes, my cell buzzed repeatedly on the carpet as he called me. I put it on speakerphone and left it on the floor, waiting. “Stacy, I was just going to call you.” His voice was so familiar, but I couldn't remember the details of his face, it seemed to fade whenever I thought about it. “Really.”

“Yeah. Stacy, you're going to love this, I have amazing news.”

Taylor gave me a questioning look and I shrugged, “What's up?”

“I'm coming up for spring break! I know it's short notice, but my mom's settling it out with your mom later today and I just wanted to let you know.”

“No way,” I said, not even having to fake surprise in my voice. My blood began rush through my head and I ran a hand through my hair. “You're kidding me!”

He laughed lightly, “Nope. In two weeks I'll be able to see you again.”

Taylor's expression showed every thing that was running through my mind. Brandon had just made this incredibly hard — maybe even impossible — to break up with him. I couldn't do it now since everything was figured out, and to do it while he was visiting would completely defeat the purpose of him coming here in the first place.

Taylor poked me with her finger, gesturing for me to say something and I took a deep breath. “That's...really amazing, Brandon,” I said, trying my best to sound happy. “Really.”

“I can't wait. Just think, 14 days...” I heard his mother's muffled yell in the background, “Well I got to go, places to go, people to meet.” I smiled slightly, he always said this. Obviously he hadn't changed as much as me.

“Talk to you later,” and then the line was dead. I closed my phone slowly and threw it into my tote bag. “I'm screwed,” I muttered, putting a hand to my forehead. My heart was still racing and I couldn't even begin to think where this would lead. Minutes before, I had thought I started to get my mind and everything else back to where they should be, where they were before. Apparently, I was wrong.

“Well you could always....yeah, you're screwed.”

I looked up at Taylor and laughed, “Thanks for confirming that.”

She gave me a thumbs up, popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth at the same time, “Anytime.”

I turned my attention to movie, where Jack was saving Rose from falling off of the back of the Titanic. I felt like her, only without someone to hold on to.

* * * *

“Well, thanks for everything,” I said slowly as we pulled up to the front of my house. Taylor nodded and put the car in park. “No problem, just remember, tell Connor as soon as possible.”

I sighed and nodded anyway, “I will, today.”

“Good, so I'll see you on Monday.”

I opened the door and got out, “Yup, bye.”

She stayed in the driveway until I was at the front door and then pulled off. I looked up at my house, taking in the bay window that was in my room and the dark brown, wood door. The siding was pale yellow and made from those cheap side panels.

I remember the faded gray wood shingles of my old house with the garage that had a place for everything, including my pink bike. Or the way the grass blew and reminded me of the ocean minutes away and the way thunderstorm clouds always lingered in the distance.

Every night, with the moon shining through my open window, I would listen for the methodical crash of the waves — it was my personal sound machine. I miss it now.

I opened my front door and looked around for any sign of anyone who was home. I dropped my bag at my feet and slipped my shoes off, thinking about how I was planning on telling Connor.

“Anyone home?” I yelled, but only my own voice echoed back to me. Just then someone knocked at the door and I made my way over to it, looking around my home and feeling as if I had just moved in all over again.

The person knocked again and finally I swung it open, beginning to say something. Instead, Connor pulled me into him, his arms strong and impossible to resist. “It's not true,” he said, “Right?”

I pulled back slightly, “What isn't?”

“That you have someone, back in Florida...”

I blinked once, twice, just looking at how the sun outside hit Connor's skin. His jaw rippled slightly as he clenched it repeatedly, waiting for me to answer. “I...um, I think...we need to talk.” He stepped inside and I closed the door behind him.

“Who told you?” I asked slowly, leaning against the wall.

“Does it really matter?” His voice cut through the air easily and I thought I heard denial in the way he asked.

I looked away, “Yeah, it does.”

He stepped toward me, his breath tickling my skin. “Danny.” I could feel anger burn throughout me. How could he? The fight wasn't enough the first time so he tried again?

“But either way,” Connor continued, “That shouldn't matter. Is it true?”

Right now, I felt so incredibly far away from Connor even with him right beside me. I wanted him to understand what had happened, what had changed since I first moved here and where we were standing right now. But sometimes words are never enough, and they weren't now. I needed to fix this.

“I was going to tell you today,” I said. “I was going to tell you everything and hope that you would understand.”

“So tell me,” he whispered. When I shook my head, Connor sighed, “Stacy...” Maybe it was the way he said my name or the slightest of hope he wouldn't be pissed at me when I finished talking, but I told him every detail from that day in the garage to the phone call last night. From the necklace and every thing else I had ever thought about Brandon.
And throughout the entire conversation, Connor was silent. He nodded once or twice but never said a thing. Finally, I finished and sat down on the couch, awkwardly waiting for him to say something.

He sat down next to me, thinking about everything. “Well...that's quite a story.”

“It is, for something that shouldn't even matter.”

“Of course it matters,” Connor said, “Why else did you just tell it?”

“The only reason it matters now is because I'm trying to save my relationship before my life gets anymore screwed up.”

He smiled slightly and put an arm around my shoulders. It felt so familiar and right, I automatically curled into him. “Well, you know what? I feel kind of...cool. You know, I'm the 'other' guy.”

I looked up at him and burst out laughing. “Oh my God, you're an idiot.”

“What? I am technically.”

“So you're not mad?”

“It's just...why didn't you tell me earlier?”

“I didn't think he'd come up for one, and I had forgotten about it ever since we got together. I mean, you don't know how distracting you are.”

He smiled, “So if he wasn't coming up, would you have told me?”

“Yes, that was the irony of it. I was going to tell you when he called about all of this.” I waved my hands around to exaggerate my point.

He sighed, “Well in that case, I want to tell you something.”