Starry Night

“You're telling me I was a bet,” I asked, trying to clarify what Connor was saying.

“Not a bet, necessarily.” He ran an hand through his hair and sighed.

“Necessarily. Someone just wanted to see how long you could keep me?” He didn't say anything to this, only nodding. “And you went along with it?”

“I didn't know you then! And I went along with it because I liked you anyways, I wanted to, Stacy.”

“You wanted to see how long it would take to break my heart? Well congrats, you've done it.”
“God damn it, I can't get mad at you, but you can get mad at me.”

“I never said you couldn't get mad, Connor. I asked you if you were mad because I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me! But I see that doesn't mean anything now.”

He laughed sarcastically, “Wouldn't forgive you...I wouldn't lose you over something like that, Stacy. I freaking love you.”

I looked over at him, thinking. He had been able to forgive me...I should be able to forgive him. I mean, I had a secret boyfriend, who cares if I was someone's bet? I didn't.

“I love you more,” I whispered.

His expression completely relaxed as I said this and he wrapped his arms around me, “Never.”

“It's possible...”

“Nahh,” Connor muttered, as he leaned in toward me, “Completely impossible.”

Finally, his lips brushed against mine and the feeling brought me back to that day on the mountain where no one fought, where it was just me and mom—

The front door opened and my mother walked in, trying to carry her purse as well as multiple grocery bags. “Stacy, if you could just take these—.” She froze as her eyes looked between Connor and me. How I was leaning up against him and my cheeks were flushed from arguing although she thought there was another reason. I realized that the blinds were down because I had never gotten around to opening them and how dark it was in here besides the crackling logs started to die in the fireplace. This didn't look good. At all.

I stood up immediately and said, “Take them into the kitchen?” I walked over, taking the bags out of her arms and disappeared into the kitchen. Once they were on the counter, I ran a hand through my hair, muttering to myself.

“Stacy Bennett,” my mother said as she walking into the kitchen, completely furious, “what the hell did I tell you about that boy? And what were you doing with him?”

Connor appeared behind her but instead of leaving while he had the chance, he intervened. “Ms. Bennett, I am sorry for coming over while you weren't home. It was completely irresponsible of me and—.”

“Connor, just leave...please?” I asked, trying to sound as calm and as gentle as possible.

“No, I want him to stay,” my mother said, putting a hand on her hip. “I want him to hear what I have to say to you.”

“That's not necessary, mom,” I said, starting to walk Connor out. He raised an eyebrow and I merely shrugged.

“Stacy,” my mother warned. I looked up at Connor and he motioned for me to listen. I sighed and leaned in the door frame between the kitchen and the entrance. She was just beginning her lecture, and even worse Connor would have to listen to it all, too.

“I am so disappointed in you. I told you to break it off after that day you skipped school and you blatantly disobeyed me.” Connor took my hand and squeezed it. “And then I find you here alone with him!” I winced and tried not to yell back. I wanted her to understand I couldn't just “break it off” because Connor was the only thing holding me afloat. “You—.”

The front door opened and we all turned to look. My father walked in carrying a Dunkin' Donuts Styrofoam cup and putting his keys back in his pockets when he saw us standing there. “What's going on...?”

I heard my mother take in a breath to start explaining but Connor was the first one to speak, “You. You're Stacy's father.” At first, I thought Connor was just stating the obvious, but slowly I realized how he narrowed his green eyes and my father's blue ones widened. “That's where I remember you!”

“What?” I asked, looking between them. I felt as if I was missing something that was in front of my face the entire time.

“The hospital,” Connor whispered, his voice harsh. “He almost killed my mom.”

I felt myself blink. My entire world had come crashing down in a matter of hours. It was as if my entire life has been planned for disaster since I boarded that plane months ago.

Connor looked at me and his expression hurt me the most. Your dad almost killed my mom. I looked away, feeling as if my head was no longer attached to my shoulders. Nothing made sense anymore and it felt so far out of place it seemed impossible to fix. And it probably was.

“I have to go,” Connor said, and I could tell he was biting back every hateful comment from my father, even though he didn't deserve to be saved from it.

He let go of my hand, pushed past my father, and walked outside. I ran after him, closing the front door behind me and felt tears begin to burn my eyes. “Connor,” I whispered, “don't go.” He turned around slowly, playing with his car keys.

“Well, what do you want me to say, Stacy?” Connor asked, looking at me dead in the eyes and it scared me, to be honest. “It seems that I'm not even wanted here.”

“I want you...” I whispered, taking a step toward him. “Don't you want me back?”

He focused on the ridges of his keys, running a finger back and forth along it, “I don't know.”

“You don't know,” I repeated, as if they were some foreign words I had never heard before. I bit my lip and stood right in front of him where we almost touched.

“I just don't know, Stacy. Everything is so freaking screwed up right now.”

“You think I don't know that? Connor, that's why I need you! You're the only sane thing I have to hold on to.”

“Well this relationship wasn't sane at all.”

“Apparently, but having you was one of the best things that have ever happened to me.” I felt as if I was screaming on the top of lungs in a crowed room and nobody heard me — Connor needed to understand that if he left I would be gone too.

I could see him thinking these words over as he looked up toward the sky. “I just...your dad—.”

“I'm not my dad,” I said, the words sounding harsher than I intended. “You can't blame me for something he did.”

“I know, but on top of everything else I just can't do this. Maybe we should just...stop seeing each other. I mean, don't think either of us meant for things to get so complicated anyway.”
At first, I thought I was imaging all of this. Everything felt too fake and my mind had almost convinced itself something like this could never happen to me. But it was. Rain started to fall and his kissed my head one more time before turning away. I blinked twice and rubbed my tears away with the back of my hand. “Connor!” My feet squished across the muddy grass as I ran after him. My mind replayed every time he had rubbed my tears away and the way he held me close that night out of his roof. I put my hands on the side of his car, “Please.”

“Bye Stacy,” he whispered, and then he climbed in, started the engine and drove away. And then for a few minutes I stood there, waiting for God knows what, and picturing myself in his rear view mirror, disappearing as the car gained more distance away from here.