Starry Night

I don't think you realized what you really have until it's gone. After Connor left, the pain was more unbearable than I probably imagined. I felt as if my life was missing something so big...because it was. My heart was just something keeping my blood flowing, not the thing that was devoted to love.

The pain wasn't half as bad as the empty feeling afterward. I was numb to any feeling at all: happiness, love, excitement. The only thing I was familiar to were loneliness and sadness, and even then it wasn't worth feeling.

Taylor noticed the change in me, too. She was good about keeping the subject up to beat even when I barely said anything in return. She would give me a hug when I was on the verge of a breakdown and it always cheered me up – even for the slightest of instants.
What I really wonder, though, is if Connor sees how hurt I am.

I wonder if he still notices me at all.

But most of all, I wonder if he was even hurting half as much as me.

During english, he still sat behind me and I still couldn't think straight. Just the though of him so close to me make my heart beat faster. Sometimes I felt him playing with the tips of my hair like he used to, but then I could hear him sigh and more back in his seat, twirling his pencil between his fingers. Moments like these ruined my day. It brought back memories I was trying to forget.

Then, every starry night, it would remind me of the first time I said I love you to him. Even worse, I couldn't help the second when I regretted saying it at all.

I felt so naïve now, to think I could possibly be in love with someone in high school. Looking back, everything we had was really just based on cheating and lies.

Then, somehow throughout all of this, my parents were busier than I've ever seen them. Brandon would be here in a week now, so they were cleaning everything and setting up the guest room. The only good thing that was possibly coming out of this was that my parents were actually getting along together. And to be honest, it surprised me – I was actually starting to see how they fell in love with the first place. Unfortunately, it caused me to remember the way Connor used to look at me, the way we thought we were in love. It seemed as if everything reminded me of him nowadays. This was partially why I locked myself in my room for hours, just laying on my bed and thinking – and playing with the heart-shaped necklace that brought back memories of its own. After a couple of months without thinking about Brandon, it was weird to be completely absorbed with him now. Just seven days from now, I'll see my boyfriend again.

* * * *

Monday – 6 Days Left

“Hi,” I said, feeling half decent today. Taylor was leaning into Dylan as always and looked up at me with worried eyes. “Hi.” I studied her curiously, noticing how her eyes kept flicking behind me. Taking a sip of my morning coffee, I turned around and followed her gaze. My heart stopped when I saw.

It was Connor kissing Ashley Green, an arm around her shoulders. I could feel myself shaking me head. I knew he could date anyone now, but a week after we broke up? You don't do that.

Ashley looked my way now and she slowly smiled. “I took him back,” she mouthed. I swallowed back my tears, but when Connor looked at me, my head turning light – both of us just staring at each other, feeling like complete strangers. And right then, I knew that I didn't know him anymore.

“Stacy, I'm so, so sorry.” Taylor said behind me. “If I had known –.”

“No,” I whispered, turning back to face her. “I'm fine. I think...I think I'm starting to get over him.” I hadn't realized what I said until I heard the words in my own head, but was I really getting over him? At first, I thought I was but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn't. Connor would always be my first love, and I'd never get over it. At least not in a week.

“Really,” Taylor said, seeming surprised.

I nodded, in spite of myself. “Yeah, but...I got to go to ask Mrs. Anderson about the homework. See you later?”

Taylor and Dylan nodded, and judging by her expression, I knew she could see right through my lie. She didn't say anything, though, and I made my escape out the doors. I somehow got to the bathroom before feeling tears slide down my cheeks. Leaning against the sink, Taylor walked in, readjusting the bag on her shoulder. She open her arms and I fell into them.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice muffled by her shoulder.

“Please, Stacy. You don't even need to say that.”

I smiled.