Starry Night

“What?”I shrieked, “You can’t do this to me! It should be a law for God sakes! I am a junior; my high school life is already set out ahead of me! You can't do this!” I threw my backpack on the ground and everything in it became scattered across the floor. My mother wasn’t even in the front door yet, but I was pacing back and forth, steaming, ranting on and on about how impossible this was.

When she finally entered the living room, where I was ready to explode, she tried to calm me down. “Will you let me explain? It wasn’t my choice to move either! My work is relocating—"

“Where?” I asked, beginning to wonder what place I am going to despise.

“Massachusetts, the Berkshires.”

“As in the Berkshire Mountains?”

“Yes,” she answered calmly.

“How can you be so composed about this? We have lived here for over 17 years and we are just going to pack everything up, including our lives, and move because your job is being relocated?”

“Yes,” my mother said, becoming stern, “life doesn’t work the way you want it to. The world doesn’t stop because you say stop. Life is unfair and you need to learn to deal with it.”

I was taken aback by her words, but I understood their meaning, although I didn’t want to. 17 years gone to waste, 17 years. And now I realized how surprising it is when two words can throw your entire world upside-down. Everything will soon only be a memory…including Brandon and Rebecca.

My heart picked up speed thinking about it and tears started to well up in my eyes, and soon enough I was losing it, full blown weeping in my mother’s arms. How am I going to tell them, I thought. Brandon just kissed me and now I am going to leave him! And Rebecca is going to be crushed by Lucas again and I won't be here to help her through it!

“How am I going to tell him,” I asked my mom, between sobs.

“Who, honey? Brandon?”

“No, Bob. Yes, of course Brandon, Mom! He kissed me today and now I’m going to leave! What am I going to say? ‘Hey, Brandon thanks for the kiss, now I’m moving to Massachusetts.’ Oh! And Rebecca! She is going to be heartbroken again and I will be unable to help because I will be how many states away?”

“He…kissed you,” my Mom asked, ignoring the part about Rebecca.

“Yes, mom, yes. He gave me this, too,” I said, showing her the charm hanging around my neck.

She gasped and held the stone in her fingertips.

“Like I said, how am I going to tell him?”

“You will have to find a way, honey. Not as mean and heartless as you used as an example, but you need to tell him. It would be even meaner not to say anything and just disappear.”

“I know, I know,” I muttered getting up from the couch, pacing again. “When are we going?”

My mother sighed, and answered me hesitantly. “Tomorrow night.”

“That gives us so much time to pack,” I said sarcastically.

“I know. I just found out myself this morning at work," she said and gestured to the corner near the garage where boxes were stacked. "I had to pick up some containers on the way over to your school."

I sighed. "I just can't believe it. It feels as if my entire life has been taken away from beneath me in a matter of seconds! I don't know what to do!"

"I understand how you feel," my Mom sympathized.

"No you don't! Everything that makes up my life is in Florida, and when we move, there won't be anything left to it."

"Don't talk that way! And there isn't anything either of us can do about it, so just except it already!"

My mother's words were true and I couldn't fight it anymore. You never can fight the inevitable. When I finally understood this, I started to pick up some boxes and head towards my room.

"I'll be packing my life," I said down the hallway. Then, I heard my mother sigh, grab a box, and head upstairs to her own room. When I was finally alone, I flopped onto my bed and let tears flow down my cheeks again. The golden sun was about to set under the watery horizon, and clouds began to cover the blue ocean that I call the sky. They were thunderstorm clouds, just perfect for the mood I was in. More tears formed a stream down my face to my lips, so I could taste the saltiness of them. As I was about to close the curtains to block the beautiful Florida view that I would miss, my cell phone rang. When I pulled it out of my pocket, the caller ID showed Brandon's name. I can't talk to him right now. I'm such a mess. I pressed the ignore button tentatively and threw my phone on the bed. It vibrated again, except it was a text from him instead. I didn't talk to him because I was crying, but now I don't have an excuse not to respond. Slowly, I picked my phone up and flipped it open to read what he had to say.

From: Brandon
What happened in school today, Stacy?

My fingers felt numb over the keyboard. What was I supposed to say?

To: Brandon
I don't know...it all happened so fast.

From: Brandon
What happened so fast?

This was it; I was going to tell him...maybe.

To: Brandon
Sorry, I got to go. Dinner is on the table. Oh! And by the way, I won't be in school tomorrow.

Or any of the days after that.

Following my cowardly text to Brandon, I turned my phone off. I used the lame reason that I needed to focus on packing, but I wasn't fooling anyone, let alone myself. Gradually, my card-board box became half-way full with clothes, the other half was left for me to pack away whatever else.

Finally, I had finished putting my clothes away and I got another box from the corner in the living room. This time, I began placing my other small nick-knacks into the box and wrapping them up in newspaper so they wouldn't break. While doing this, I came across a small, stuffed teddy bear covered in dust. A thin purple collar was around its neck with a paper tag tied on it. I vaguely remembered the bear, but couldn't put my finger on where I had gotten it. Then, I flipped the tag around and blew the dust off of it.

To Stace,
I want you to have this bear before I go. It was mine when I was younger and I always liked to hold onto it whenever I was sad. Keep it close so you will never forget me and the sacrifices I made, even if it may break your heart.
With lots of love,
Dad

At this point, tears were inevitable. After reading my Dad's note, I vividly remembered him leaving us here, in this very house ten years ago. He wore his army uniform proudly as he had stood in the doorway while I pleaded him to stay. However, he promised he wouldn't be gone long. I believed him of course, but the teddy bear and his short letter tell me now that it would be a longtime, more like a lifetime.

A week after he had left, my mother received a phone call from his lieutenant that he had died in battle. She collapsed in the kitchen holding the phone, crying. I was too young and incompetent to understand at the time, but now I realize that the teddy bear was his good-bye to me. It's funny how a decade old bear can make you understand that you have to say farewell to everyone, no matter how sad it may be. It is a sacrifice you have to make.

After I read this note, not for the first time of course, I turned my phone back on and sent a text to Brandon and Rebecca.

To: Brandon, Rebecca
I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier. I was trying to avoid it myself. Then, an old friend made me realize you can't run away from your troubles forever. Could you come over ASAP? I need to talk to you about something...

Within five minutes, Brandon's silver BMW appeared in the driveway and I whipped open the front door. When he looked my way, I tried to smile, but I could feel my face becoming contorted with pain and sadness as I saw his worried expression. But before he even reached the door step, Rebecca pulled up to the curb on her bicycle, wearing the same type of look.

Neither of them said a word as they sat on the couch, waiting for me to begin talking. I had tried several times to find my voice and tell them, but I couldn't. It was as if something was blocking my vocal chords. Eventually, I coughed, as if to clear the invisible object from my throat, and I was able to mutter, "Hey."

They continued waiting patiently, although Rebecca, as always, was ready to fly through the roof with anticipation. Brandon leaned forward with his arms resting on his legs, like all guys do when they are waiting or watching for something.

Eventually I couldn't keep the news bottled up inside of me anymore and I finally told them, although I talked a mile a minute.

"So after I left school early, my mom took me home and informed me of some really big news. Her company is relocating and of course, that means her job is too." It became difficult to talk again. My throat began to close up as tears started to form in my eyes. "Because her job is moving, so are we, and not to somewhere nearby. I am moving north...to the Berkshire Mountains in Massachusetts."

With a big sigh, I finished talking and plopped down onto a footrest. Now it was my turn to wait for them to respond. There faces were astonished, sad, and a mix of every other emotion I could and couldn't think of.

"Are you sure you have to go?" Rebecca asked timidly.

"Yes. I already through an entire tantrum to get out of it, but it's unavoidable at this point."

She sighed and tears started to flow down her soft, tan cheeks. Brandon moved over to sit next to me and we swayed back and forth in each others arms. He kissed my forehead and softly rubbed my shoulder. "It's as if we just met and now we don't have anytime left together," he said quietly.

"I know how you feel," I muttered. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I just couldn't deal with it either."

"Stacy," my mother called from upstairs, "Are all of your clothes and other things packed yet?"

"No, mom. I will finish packing right now."

Brandon and Rebecca got up from their seats, understanding that their wasn't much more we could say to each other nor was there enough time to say anything more.

"I guess this is good-bye," Rebecca said, ending with a bit of a question.

"Yes," I said, trying not to cry in front of them. I gave her a long hug and didn't want to let go, but Brandon needed to say his farewells, too. However, before I could open my mouth to say the two simple words, he kissed me, like we had in the garage just this morning. I held him close and could smell his cologne coming off his skin. When we pulled apart, I promised myself that I would never forget his smell, the brilliance of his eyes, or softness of his hands and skin.

"I will never lose you," I repeated, "but for now, it is good-bye."

As I closed the front door behind Brandon and Rebecca, it was as if what was left of my life walked out with them. Good-bye.