Starry Night

Never once did I imagine myself doing this and yet here I was driving away from anything that was left from my old life in Florida. I could feel myself realize how stupid this was and that I would probably end up more hurt than I was in the first place. Either way, I never looked back or even thought about turning around.

As I started to wonder where the nearest airport was, I flicked on the radio and scanned each station for good music. Finally I picked a channel just as a song by Nickelback came on. My heart ached sadly as I remembered where I heard it before. “I'm not going anywhere, Stacy,” he had said that day and I had actually believed him. But as the song continued to play throughout the car, I knew exactly where to find Connor. Not at the airport but at a local restaurant where everything had started. Where shamrocks really brought you luck.

I began driving faster through town, searching hopelessly for the sign I needed to find. After ten minutes I pulled over for directions and realized to my embarrassment it was right up ahead. As I thanked them, I accelerated down the road as if in an extra couple of seconds I would miss him. I swerved into the parking lot and scanned the nearly empty spaces.

“Come on...” I muttered to myself, “Come on...”

I got out of the car and walked to the front doors, continuously scanning and rescanning each car for the red truck. Then I tried looking inside but the doors were locked because it was getting ready for a live show just in a few hours.

Tears started forming in my eyes and I took a seat on the bench, putting my face in my hands. I knew it was stupid. I knew I'd end up hurt. Why didn't I just listen to what I was thinking? I had put enough on the line in the first place for Connor so why did I do this too?

“Looking for someone,” a guy asked, standing near the doors. Startled, I looked in the opposite direction of the voice and wiped away the running mascara, trying not to look as much of a mess as I felt. “No,” I said, “I was just leaving.” My voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and when I looked toward the man I could feel my head become light.

“I kinda hope you don't,” Connor said quietly. His eyes were sad and his put his hands in his pockets awkwardly. Surprisingly, I still felt myself take a step toward the parking lot.
“I've got some guests to get back home to,” I muttered.

Connor winced slightly and took a step toward me, “Stay for a little?”

I felt another round of tears come and my throat became impossibly dry. “You better hurry or you'll miss your flight.”

“I have time.”

I closed my eyes and sighed, “That's all you say...after you break my heart.”

“Well what do you want me to say?”

“Quite honestly Connor, I don't know. I just drove here without giving anyone an explanation and once I get here all you have to say is 'I have time.' That doesn't exactly show that you actually want to say anything important—.”

“You want me to say something?” Connor asked and he took two giant strides toward me. “These last two weeks have been anything but a walk in the park. There hasn't been a single second that I haven't thought of you and Brandon back together. It's killed me to think of anyone else holding you as close as I had; but at the time it was just like the entire world was conspiring against us with your dad, the bet, Brandon...all these little things were just enough to spark something that ruined everything.”

When I didn't say anything, he continued. “I'm sorry, Stacy. But I'm not sorry that I ever loved you.” And with that, he started walking away from me. And I stood there watching as Connor moved closer toward his truck, to leaving here. To leaving me.

“Connor,” I called out, my voice tired and barely making any sound. I cleared my throat but new tears were already forming and I wouldn't be able to make any sound louder than a whisper. I'm going to lose him, I thought.

So instead, I started running.

Connor was already getting his car keys out by the time I wrapped my arms around him. I took the keys out of his hand and put them in my own pocket.

“You're such an idiot,” I whispered, “Did you know that?”

His breath was warm on my hair as he hugged me tight, “Yes.” Connor leaned against his truck and everything felt right again, as if he was never really gone in the first place and it was just a bad dream.

And then I realized he'd be leaving all over again later that day. I pulled away and looked at him, trying to commit his face to memory but I knew I would never get every detail right.

“When are you leaving?”

He smiled slightly, “I'm not.”

“You're not moving?” I asked, my eyes searching his face for an answer.

He shook his head no, “I knew this would be the only way to get you to talk to me, and I—.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack thinking you were moving and it was just to talk to me?” I look at him with my eyebrows raised.

“Um...yeah, I think that's the gist of it,” Connor said, wrapping his arms around my waist, “But hey, you came.” And I knew I had. I couldn't live without him, but even when I thought he couldn't live without me he went after Ashley all over again.

I squirmed out of his arms and already felt empty again. “But what was the whole thing with Ashley? I mean it hadn't even been like three weeks and...” I trailed off, not being able to finish my sentence.

“Stacy, I...you have to understand how alone I felt. And plus, its not like you wouldn't have a boyfriend by the time Brandon got back. It was just kind of fair right?” I looked at him, his green eyes pleading and vulnerable. “Please, Stacy.”

My phone started ringing it and I dug for it in my pocket, “Hello?” I asked in the most cheery voice I could muster.

“God, Stacy, where are you? I mean you just like disappeared and no one knows where you are...” My mother's voice was hectic and she continued rambling on as Connor took my hand in his. I smiled at him faintly, giving up at being mad at him — after all we were together again and I wouldn't let the past change effect it, not now, not ever.

“Sorry, I'm on my way home now. See you in a bit.” I closed my phone before she could say anything else, and looked at Connor. “I have to go...”

He nodded slowly and slipped his keys out of my pocket, whispering, “So I guess I've gotta go too.”

“I'll see you later though, right?”

Connor smiled as he opened his truck door, “Yeah,” and when I raised an eyebrow, he added, “Promise.”

*

When I got back to the house, Brandon looked at me, I mean really looked at me, as if he finally saw the changes I thought were so obvious before. His eyes were criticizing and narrow, but it's not like it bothered me. I had Connor back and that's all that mattered right now.

My parents were too busy with our guests to really ever ask about where I was, but I still apologized to the Matthew's for leaving so rudely. They waved a hand at me and said not to worry about it, but Brandon did. And I knew I should have felt bad for breaking his heart, but the weird thing was, I wasn't. I mean, after months of moving and no talking on the phone, he was faithful to me? It was a long shot.

That night when everyone had gone to bed and I was just heading up the stairs, Brandon took my hand and asked, “What happened to you?” I played with my pajama shirt and said, “I realized we weren't really in love.”

“But we were,” he said, his voice edged and frustrated.

I smiled in spite of myself, “Brandon...when you look at me, what do you think? That I'm the girl you love, or that I'm just your girlfriend who moved?”

“Aren't they pretty much that same?” He asked.

I took my hand back and started walking up the stairs again, “No. They're not.”