Status: Written a long, long, long, long time ago. Putting it up for the world to see
Starry Night
Gone
By late afternoon the next day, everything was packed. The only things left in our house were boxes that took the place of our belongings, and my mother and I, standing in the midst of it all. This was another point in time when I felt so helpless at preventing myself from getting hurt from the world, but once more it was out of my hands, out of my control.
My cell phone was kept off for obvious reasons and I couldn’t even dare to look out the windows and study the landscape. It would be too much for me to handle right now, especially when I would be leaving Florida for the last time in the matter of a few hours. Surprisingly though, I wasn’t crying, probably because there weren’t any tears left.
Eventually, I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and tried to find a place where I could relax and forget about everything. I tried locking myself in every room in the God forsaken house, but nothing worked. It just caused me more hurt to see everything gone, as if a magician said “Alakazam,” and it disappeared.
Finally my mother’s voice rang through the house. “Stacy! Time to go, the moving truck is here!”
Leaving my bedroom for the last time, I never so much as took a final glance around the house, and I sprinted out the front door. I needed to get out of here before my heart completely broke into two, which would be something I could never fix.
Unfortunately, the car was locked and I yanked on the handle furiously, pulling with all my strength. “Mom, open the sedan! We need to get out of here, our flight is leaving in an hour and a half!”
I grew even more impatient, as if that were possible, when my own mother gave me the “just a second finger” as she was talking to the moving men about being very careful with all the boxes. They nodded politely to her comments, but gave each other sly smirks when she wasn’t looking. Finally, I walked over and said, “Mother, I'm pretty sure these men are capable of lifting boxes and putting them in a van just yards away. Now will you please let them get back to there work?”
She sighed ever so slightly and said, “I’ll blame it on you, Stacy, if anything gets broken.”
* * * *
The car ride to the airport was quiet and awkward. I closed my eyes, trying to piece my mind, sanity, and whatever else, back together, but all I could think about was everything I wouldn’t have a chance to see. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have much time to dwell on those thoughts because we were at the airport in a matter of fifteen minutes.
My mother rushed me out of the car and handed me my luggage. I looked past her absently and studied the setting sun while she yanked her own out of the trunk. I felt so alone, and my mind was screaming for company, although hundreds of people surrounded me in the parking lot. My heart began to split into two and it felt as if my chest was being compressed, making it almost impossible to breathe. I had been so connected to this place, and the people living here, and now it’s going to be gone. Forever.
It seemed so stupid to have trouble breathing just because you are leaving somewhere, but this was my life. Not only were the landscape and the people gone, but so was I, although my physical being was boarding a plane to the Berkshires, ten states away.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned my cell phone on before the final doors on the stupid aircraft closed to see if someone already missed me, so I could feel less alone. However, before I could even compose a message to either of my friends, Brandon had already sent me one.
From: Brandon <333
I walked by your house today…
Everything was gone, including you.
My head fell back against the seat and I tried to fight the tears that started welling up in my eyes. I shut my phone off hesitantly, but never put it back in my pocket until the stewardess ordered me to. Even then, millions of thoughts still poured through my head at once. How could you have been so stupid? Now you let him, and everyone else, slip through your fingers.
My mother tried to comfort me by rubbing my shoulder, but I shook it off.
“I don’t need your help right now, mom,” I sniffled.
She moved her hand away and I could see her hurt expression, somewhere between sorrow and sympathy.
"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I'm just trying to figure things out."
My mother nodded understandingly, and it seemed as if that was the key to finding my answer.
Nobody could help me because I was already gone, even before we left.
My cell phone was kept off for obvious reasons and I couldn’t even dare to look out the windows and study the landscape. It would be too much for me to handle right now, especially when I would be leaving Florida for the last time in the matter of a few hours. Surprisingly though, I wasn’t crying, probably because there weren’t any tears left.
Eventually, I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and tried to find a place where I could relax and forget about everything. I tried locking myself in every room in the God forsaken house, but nothing worked. It just caused me more hurt to see everything gone, as if a magician said “Alakazam,” and it disappeared.
Finally my mother’s voice rang through the house. “Stacy! Time to go, the moving truck is here!”
Leaving my bedroom for the last time, I never so much as took a final glance around the house, and I sprinted out the front door. I needed to get out of here before my heart completely broke into two, which would be something I could never fix.
Unfortunately, the car was locked and I yanked on the handle furiously, pulling with all my strength. “Mom, open the sedan! We need to get out of here, our flight is leaving in an hour and a half!”
I grew even more impatient, as if that were possible, when my own mother gave me the “just a second finger” as she was talking to the moving men about being very careful with all the boxes. They nodded politely to her comments, but gave each other sly smirks when she wasn’t looking. Finally, I walked over and said, “Mother, I'm pretty sure these men are capable of lifting boxes and putting them in a van just yards away. Now will you please let them get back to there work?”
She sighed ever so slightly and said, “I’ll blame it on you, Stacy, if anything gets broken.”
* * * *
The car ride to the airport was quiet and awkward. I closed my eyes, trying to piece my mind, sanity, and whatever else, back together, but all I could think about was everything I wouldn’t have a chance to see. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have much time to dwell on those thoughts because we were at the airport in a matter of fifteen minutes.
My mother rushed me out of the car and handed me my luggage. I looked past her absently and studied the setting sun while she yanked her own out of the trunk. I felt so alone, and my mind was screaming for company, although hundreds of people surrounded me in the parking lot. My heart began to split into two and it felt as if my chest was being compressed, making it almost impossible to breathe. I had been so connected to this place, and the people living here, and now it’s going to be gone. Forever.
It seemed so stupid to have trouble breathing just because you are leaving somewhere, but this was my life. Not only were the landscape and the people gone, but so was I, although my physical being was boarding a plane to the Berkshires, ten states away.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned my cell phone on before the final doors on the stupid aircraft closed to see if someone already missed me, so I could feel less alone. However, before I could even compose a message to either of my friends, Brandon had already sent me one.
From: Brandon <333
I walked by your house today…
Everything was gone, including you.
My head fell back against the seat and I tried to fight the tears that started welling up in my eyes. I shut my phone off hesitantly, but never put it back in my pocket until the stewardess ordered me to. Even then, millions of thoughts still poured through my head at once. How could you have been so stupid? Now you let him, and everyone else, slip through your fingers.
My mother tried to comfort me by rubbing my shoulder, but I shook it off.
“I don’t need your help right now, mom,” I sniffled.
She moved her hand away and I could see her hurt expression, somewhere between sorrow and sympathy.
"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I'm just trying to figure things out."
My mother nodded understandingly, and it seemed as if that was the key to finding my answer.
Nobody could help me because I was already gone, even before we left.