Starry Night

My iPod blasted away in my ears and I didn't care, let alone like the song I was listening to. This was just another lame attempt to forget everything that had recently happened, and anything was worth trying.

Eventually, the pilot's voice came over the annoying intercom for about the hundredth time and my mother pulled the noisy earplugs out with a flick of her wrist. "The plane will be arriving at Logan Airport, Boston, in a few minutes. Please prepare for landing."

Just before this, I had changed into my school sweatshirt and pants, thinking about the cold February weather. However, as my fingers lightly slid across the large Middleton High letters, I couldn't stop the millions of memories that now poured through my head. I tried to push them out of my mind, but that was like asking a piano not to create music.

Finally, I ended up studying the world outside the plane, the world that seemed to disappear every time you closed your eyes. Except my old world was gone forever.

Tiny snowflakes gently fluttered down to the ground, away in distance, and if you listened close enough, you could hear the soft breeze of the light winter wind. Occasionally, the frozen rain drops would land on the small airplane window and glisten in the cold, setting sun, which seemed to lose its usual glow. Stars barely became visible through the clouds and they looked so familiar in such a different sky. At least something was same in my new life.

* * * *

I slept through most of the car ride to the Berkshires, partly because I was exhausted, but I didn't want to see the mountains that now surrounded me, either. Still even then, every time my eyelids closed, what I saw scared me: a new school, new people, new house, new...boyfriend. This thought made me jolt awake, but I tried to make sure my mother didn't notice. If she knew I wasn't asleep, we would wind up talking about the weather or some other boring topic, so my eyes shut were forced shut.

The metronomic movement of the windshield wipers kept me relaxed and my breath formed a cloudy fog on the drafty windows. For once, I was content with my life, but this feeling lasted all of two seconds and I was overcome by the fear I had felt before. What will the other kids think of me? What if I meet a new guy?

These thoughts echoed through my head over and over again, as if I had just screamed in an empty cave and the horrible noise wouldn't stop. Finally, I ended up putting my iPod on again and listened to soft music until my eyes closed and I was in a world where everything made sense.

As the hours passed by, it seemed to make me more restless. I couldn't find a comfy position to completely lose myself because I knew that reality was sitting in the back of my mind, waiting for the perfect time to scare me again. Waiting and waiting like a lion tediously watching its prey.

"Mom?" I muttered, finally giving up at trying to continue my dream.

"Oh, what is it sweetie?" answered my mother, somewhat startled by my
consciousness.

"When am I going to school?"

She sighed, which wasn't a good sign. "Well, it depends. I was hoping you would go in either late afternoon tomorrow or the day after."

"Great. Just wonderful," I said, my words heavy with sarcasm. "Directly in the middle of a semester too, amazing..."

"I'm sorry—"

"Whatever, Mom," I said turning up my iPod. "I'll go in tomorrow, right on time too, 7 AM sharp."

My mother didn't even try to say something because she knew that whatever it was would go in one ear, and right out the other.

Again, I ended up staring outside the car window, looking for some sort of comfort. The snow had turned to a light drizzle of rain and you could see the moon's glow eerily through the clouds, like something you would see in a horror movie. Scattered street lamps lit the damp ground, as if they were spotlights on a stage and our car was the only star of the show. Sleek contours of mountains surrounded us, and I closed my eyes. This was not the comfort I was looking for. The endless road in front of us would only get longer and there was no telling when it would end.

When another minute passed on the clock, it was another 60 seconds of looking at the same road, listening to same sounds, smelling the same, wet ground...and I was tired of it all. I felt as if this was something that could have been avoided, but seeing the white snow and feeling the harsh winter air, I realized it was all too real to have been stopped.

Scattered houses lined the hilly roads, and darkness enveloped them after our car passed silently.

“Mom?” I muttered again, curious about our new house.

“Yes honey?” My mother said drowsily, glancing at the clock.

“How did you have time to buy a new car and home in one day? Didn’t you just find out yourself the same day as me?”

Her hands automatically tightened on the steering wheel and she focused intently on the dark road ahead. “Luck, I guess you could say,” my mother laughed nervously.

“Don’t pull that crap with me Mom. You are the worst liar I’ve ever seen.”

My mother’s knuckles whitened and she bit the inside of her cheek. “Well…I didn’t exactly find out the same time as you.”

“How much earlier?” I said, the anger building up inside of me, like a volcano.

“A month or two.”

“You knew a month and you never told me? No kind of warning, nothing. How could you?” I had exploded; I finally accepted the move and now I learn my mother went behind my back.

“I thought it would be best for you to find out just before so you wouldn’t have to act different in school, knowing you were leaving,” my mother said, trying hard to stay calm while I was screaming at her.

“Thought it would be best…since when have you cared? Seriously, you never even asked me what I thought!”

At this point, everything around me became blurry as I focused on my mother. Somehow, she wasn’t the person I thought she always was. Hiding things from me, lying to me, this isn’t the same person… What happened to hugs, genuine smiles, and the laughter we always shared? This was obviously different.

"How could you?" I muttered again.

"It wasn't something I pla—"

"It never is something you plan, Mom, never is... I'm beginning to think your work didn't move and that you just wanted to leave Florida."

She didn't say anything for the rest of the car ride, and neither did I. That alone told me that my accusation was true. This was a great start to a new life.

* * * *

The next morning, I found myself sleeping on our old couch in the middle of an empty room. Everything was different, the walls were a light blue color, and many doors led out to other vacant rooms.

I let my legs fall off the chilly leather and wrapped the heavy blanket around my shoulders. The blue walls seemed to become the sky and the glistening white snow outside the windows were the clouds. In a weird way, it was beautiful, or was that the sleepiness getting to me?

Trudging back towards the couch, I grabbed my cell phone out of my sweatpants and turned it on. Time had escaped me without my notice, and for once I didn’t care. I was too busy trying to figure out which doorway to go through, as if that would alter my life in some unforgivable way.

One door lead to a sectioned-off patio and sparkling snow covered anything green (that could possibly be alive) in my sight. As the door swung closed, a warm, tasty aroma floated around me from the opposite doorway and I guessed that was the kitchen. I shuffled my feet across the cold floor and peeked my head into the brightly lit space.

My mother was bent over stove, as if she didn’t know how to work it, and hummed to an old song she used to sing to me when I was young. Hilarious memories filled my mind, and it almost made me forget that I was mad at her. Eventually I would forgive her, but not anytime soon…I just can’t see that happening. When someone you trust your life with goes behind your back, would you be able to bounce back in a matter of days? I don’t think so…

I let my feet carry me back to the couch and covered myself with the blanket again, as if I had never been awake.

"Honey, time to get up!" My mother said, walking into the room.

"Whatever, whatever," I muttered, turning into the back of the couch.

"Really, Stacy...get up, it's 6:30. You're the one who wanted to be in school on time."

"Okay...now go away," I said harshly, getting on my feet. "Where the hell is my stuff? Um, I kinda need clothes..."

My mother thought for a second and said, "Upstairs, I think... look in some of the boxes up there."

I groaned and walked slowly towards the staircase. Some things are left to be untouched, and I felt that this was one of them, as if the door at the top would open secrets that had been heard in the walls, things I should never have known. However, there was no door at the top, only a hallway with multiple other rooms. Cardboard boxes seemed to cover any evidence of the painted walls while a cream colored carpet hid most of the wooden floor beneath my feet.

With the quilt still wrapped around myself, I looked into a bedroom where you could see the sun begin to rise above the mountains. Prisms of light became scattered across the walls and floor as the sun’s rays hit the glass window. The view was simply beautiful, although I would never admit this out loud. It was just the way everything here fit together like the perfect puzzle, the way everything was supposed to happen this way. I don’t remember it being like that in Florida…

After I was able to bring my mind back into the small room, my mother called upstairs, her voice echoing through the empty house. “Did you find the box, Stacy?”

“Still looking, mom,” I said quickly, before she would come up here and point it out like I was two. “Oh, found it!” It had been staring me in the face the whole time, “Stacy’s Clothes” written clearly on the box.

My hands opened the flaps, and began to shovel through the garments, searching for a pair of jeans and a sweater. “Mom, where did you get all these clothes?” I said accusingly.

“Hold on a second—Stacy! I am on the phone with the school, shush!”

I rolled my eyes, and picked up a thin sweater with skinny jeans and furry boots while I eavesdropped onto her conversation. Most of the words were mumbled and hard to understand, but I caught part of a sentence every now and then.

“….No, she isn’t….”

There was a pause for a response, then, “Well, thank you for working her in…”

It sounded as if my mom was making a doctor’s appointment for me, not enrolling her daughter into Dalton High School.

“…I will tell her…thank you, good-bye!”

By then, I had swiftly slipped out of my previous outfit, and begun to get dressed into the new clothes. I checked the time on my cell phone, 6:45 AM, and slowly made my way back to the staircase.

“Moooomm,” I whined, “We have to go soon, what will I do to get my hair and stuff ready?”

“Shouldn’t you be more worried about breakfast,” my mom asked back up the stairs.

I groaned, “I’m on my way down…”

* * * *

After a rushed time getting ready—practically swallowing my breakfast whole—my mother personally drove me to school. “You don’t know where it is,” was her excuse, but I bet I could find it. Dalton was only too small. My guess was that she wanted to see me off to my first day, like the over-protective parent she is.

As the rolling hills flashed by, my eyes were only able to see the white snow, and I was already sick of it. Occasionally, an evergreen would pass and I was so happy to see it that I would almost yelped out loud. Houses were far apart and the school was even farther. It was at least a five-minute car ride, and I just wanted my horrible day to start already.

Then, a large building came into view, and large letters were printed near the flat-topped roof: DALTON HIGH SCHOOL. I wasn’t sure if I felt happy that I could finally meet new people, or scared-out-of-my-mind for every reason possible, but as we pulled up to the curb near the entrance doors, my hands were nearly shaking.

“You’ll be fine Stacy,” my mom said soothingly. “By the way, check in with the office first, they will give you everything you need.”

“Great, just great,” I said, my words heavy with sarcasm.

My fingers gripped the door handle and I opened it with one big push. As the winter air swept my courage away, a shiver ran up and down my spine. I slung my tote bag over my shoulder—full with various notebooks, folders, etc.—and began to go up the only too unfamiliar steps. I never turned around to say good-bye, but my mom’s eyes bore into my back. That alone told me her farewell.

A warm gust of air hit me as the entrance doors were flung open, and the main office was straight ahead. I marched towards the sliding windows as my goose bumps faded, and tapped on the glass tentatively. “Hello?”

One of the miserably bored secretaries sighed, stayed in her seat, and rolled over to the front counter, too lazy to get up. “What is it?”

Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning… “I'm Stacy Bennett, the new student here.” My voice was polite although I wanted to return the same nasty tone the lady had given me.

“Yeah, yeah.” She handed me a map of Dalton High, my schedule, and a form. “Make sure to get this paper signed by each of your teachers and return it to me after school.”

I took the papers, looked at the secretary’s desk tag, said," Thank you Mrs. Meyers,” and walked off in the other direction rolling my eyes at her attitude.

When the bell rang, I realized that I was officially a student at Dalton High. As my heart pounded in my chest, I nervously readjusted my tote and studied the map. Other students began to flood into the hallways and acted as if I wasn’t there, just another part of the school building…

Eventually, I began to make my way towards another doorway while looking down at the map. Peoples’ shoulders brushed against my arms and no one seemed to notice. Well, that was before I collided with a guy who’s look was so intimidating that I would have run away, but didn’t because my feet were glued to the floor. My voice was lost in my throat, and I stood there, dumb-founded, as I didn’t know what to say or how to speak it.

Everyone around me stopped in there tracks and stared at us, muttering, “Who is that? Did you see what just happened? The new girl just ran into Connor Wheeler!”

Connor, whoever this was, had eyes that were every shade of green, and glimmered with the dim lights and sparks of anger. They bore into mine sharply as his became even more breath taking. He was much taller than me with muscles that appeared lightly through his sleeves. And as if that weren’t intimidating enough, his dark scowl turned into a smirk while he studied my idiotic expression. Again, his eyes flamed under his dirty blonde hair when I practically whispered, “S-sorry.”

I couldn't leave Connor fast enough, and didn’t care which direction I was heading. But just then, a strong hand wrapped around my arm, and he turned me around to face him again. With his touch, my heart fluttered and my breath came out in large gasps for air. Nothing worked the way it should, but in that moment, everything was perfect. I almost didn't want this feeling to end, whatever it was.

"What's your name," Connor asked, his voice rough, but almost as soft as silk.
"Stacy..."

His eyebrows came together and thought for a moment. "I don't know you."

"No," I said, my voice starting to return. "You don't. I just got here yesterday. And I don't know you."

"Connor," was the only word he said and then released his strong grasp. Although I was now free, I didn't want to leave. His eyes were the lock that kept me in place, and I didn't know where the key was. Connor stood still too, and no one knew what was happening. Several eyes were watching our every move, and they widened with surprise during all of this.

“Bye,” was all I said when my feet finally carried me away. He stayed behind and I could feel his brilliant eyes stare off after me. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I could feel them turn bright red. I didn’t even know why I was blushing, but the feeling began to fade as my mind tried to wander off onto other things, like the map now crunched in my hand. Luckily, I was heading down the right hallway and only a few doors away would be my first class, physics.

I handed my form to the teacher, and while her pen scratched across the paper, she nicely introduced herself as Mrs. Johnson. “Stacy Bennett,” I stated nervously as the final bell sounded. She pointed out a desk near the middle of the room, and I took my seat quickly as other students filed in. I tried to keep calm, but my heart began to accelerate with fear. Mrs. Johnson gave me an “it’ll-be-okay” look, as if she could feel my nerves jumping with panic. I nodded lightly in response, even though I knew it wouldn’t be okay.

Eventually, I ended up studying the boring walls or doodled-on desks; anything to keep my mind off the questioning stares. However, when Mrs. Johnson closed the door with a loud thud, I looked up, only to find a pair of radiant green eyes looking off into a distance that didn’t exist.

With him now next to me, my heart began to flutter all over again and I didn’t dare look his way, although I wanted to with all the power in the world. Mrs. Johnson’s voice echoed in the background, but all that really rang in my ears was Connor’s rough tone from earlier. What’s your name?

A shiver ran up my spine and I tried so hard to focus on the white board or the textbook now placed in front of me, but it wasn’t worth it. When the teacher asked me a question, I looked dumbly back at her and said, “What?”

“Would you like to tell us about the different types of acceleration?”

“Um, sure,” I said hesitantly. I remembered covering them at Middleton, but words failed me. I glanced down at the book to hide my face and see if the terms were on the page, but they weren’t. “Let’s see,” everyone was staring at me, including Connor. “Under the subject of motion, there is the sub-category of acceleration. Under that, the types are velocity, constant acceleration, and non-constant acceleration.”

Mrs. Johnson smiled and every student’s eyebrows raised simultaneously as if saying, “What the hell?”

“Very good,” she said, surprise subtle in her words. I sighed with relief, but still felt as if I was the center of attention and didn’t do anything to deserve it. I shyly let my hair form a curtain between Connor and me, afraid of what he might say to me, if anything at all. All I wanted to do was wake up like this was all just a dream…Connor just a dream…

What was I thinking! I don’t like Connor, and never will. Brandon is mine, not him…was it his glowing eyes or perfectly messy hair…?

I groaned quietly and forced myself to focus on the whiteboard as the marker squeaked against its surface. My mind wandered off only once more that day as Brandon’s turquoise necklace hung heavily around my neck, as if weighed down with guilt for nearly trespassing on Brandon. With it tight in my grip and almost feeling his warmth again, I made a promise to myself.

I will never like Connor Wheeler from this moment on…and as long as I live.