Darkest Desires

Right and wrong, do and do not, love and hate, it would seem that whatever it is there will always be an opposite. Positive and negative, white and black, straight and gay, old and new, life and death, death something I think I’ve finally accepted a long time ago. It feels as if I’ve been here forever now and that the outside world is something untouchable, but always beckoning. The stuffy air is the only thing that fills my lungs now while bright lights sting my eyes making them water, and to top it off there is never a moment where I’m not on my guard. I’ve become keen to the small sounds and the slightest movements that I feel I will eventually go crazy. I must be going crazy if I think I’ll get out of this hell hole alive.

People always say that when they hit rock bottom and believe to have nothing left that they’re just lying to themselves. That even when all seems grim and baron that there is always hope left comforting them silently. Almost like an invisible friend that holds you when you cry or guards you when you sleep to keep the demons away. Well maybe I am lying to myself when I believe that all is lost for me and my well-being, or maybe I’m just being practical. No one knew where I was going that morning; no one knew the real identity of the person I was talking to over the internet so what does that leave for people to find me? Absolutely nothing, there is absolutely nothing for the police to go on, and there was nothing disguising in the video that was sent out. There is nothing at all distinguishing about this place at all, well except the fact it may be an old building complex, possibly an office complex? Well it doesn’t matter cause anyways since there isn’t a way for me to get the information out.

After the other day with Snuz, and Fletcher’s confrontation that got very heated I don’t think I’ll be let out of this room for a while. I don’t think that S&M guy will be showing his face either seeing as he really pissed off Fletcher and did quite a number on me. As of now my thighs are wrapped in medical tape concealing some pretty nasty gashes that he ripped into me. Fletcher usually comes to help me change them, but that’s it, no one else is allowed to come and now Snuz brings me food. Still, even he has been acting strange lately. He doesn’t force himself to come near me, he doesn’t abuse me, he remains silent when he visits and keeps a good distance when sitting near me. It’s almost like the man from before who hit me, kissed me, felt me up, pushed me down on a bed and proclaimed his love for me disappeared into thin air. The aggressor has become the weakling, or at least more considerate of me and my condition.

Sometimes I wonder what he is thinking behind the ball cap and glasses. I wonder what his face looks like and why he had to do all this for my attention. Like why he snapped and became a kidnapper, or what was he like before all this. What kind of person was he before hell ran ramped like a rabid dog? Listen to me…I sound like some girl with a crush. I shouldn’t be thinking this way! If I continue I may really fall for him and I can’t let that happen. Not even if we died and met again in a next life would I let myself like him. I guess he finally understood that not everything a girl says is the opposite of what they mean.

The door opened and I looked up from the bed to see a guy I do not recognize what so ever. He was tall, black hair with a little mustache and blue eyes. He stared at me from the door way, arms crossed expression bored with an all-around careless attitude that I couldn’t decide whether he was friend or foe. I slowly stood up feeling very weary of him wondering what he might do to me or rather, what he is capable of doing to me. He search through his pockets and pulled out a small orange rectangle that he opened up revealing shiny strips. Gum. He unwrapped one and tossed it in his mouth to which he gestured the orange box towards me.

“Want some?” he asked and I shook my head, “your loss kid. Not mine.”

“You are?”

“The name’s Joey, just Joey, like Char,” he said and then popped another stick of gum into his mouth.

“I’m-“

“You,” he pointed to me, “I know who you are. Do you know how bored I was all those times I camped outside your house? Hell, it’s a nice neighborhood and all, but kid I mean really, you’d think more cops would patrol that area. With those nice cars sitting in the driveways…damn it’s like Christmas for a grease monkey.” He said with a smile on his face that slowly faded away, “by the way you have one pretty sweet sis there kid, but the young blonde is more my type,” he blew a bubble and it popped, “What I would give to live next to a babe like that.”

“You mean Kate?” I responded automactically and felt I made a big mistake.

“Kate?” he whistled, “so that’s her name… damn she also has a cute name. She’s like the whole package; money, looks, personality, and a fine name. Ba da bup bup bap I’m lovin’ it.”

“You were outside my house?” I asked.

He put the gum back into his pocket, “Well yeah, that’s what I do kid. I’m a professional nabber with ninja like skills. I do the job right for the right price, ya know what I mean? But then again that doesn’t match up to the stuff I sell on the side. Which may I thank you now for be such a generous customer, because of you I was able to make my quota.” He looked pleased with his self while my brain tried to put everything together. Suddenly a beeping sound went off and the guy pulled out a pager. “Whoops we need to go kid,” he said and grabbed me by the chain and pulled me down the hall like a dog on a leash.

I stumbled a few times to keep up with his fast pace, “Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry a familiar place,” he said and the only familiar places I could think of coincide with strong pain. We walked down a long hall that seemed vaguely familiar when I noticed I particular overly beaten up door that raised I red flag. I started pulling back, trying to grab onto any door handles, scream for help, but Joey was stronger than me. He dragged me to the one room I didn’t ever want to return to and threw me inside where my filming debut began, in the hell hole striped room. The cameras never moved from where they were place before, the hook for my chains remained on the ceiling along with the heavy weights on the ground below it. The table of assorted vials forever next to my chains, but this time something was new. A water cooler sat next to it and something inside me was screaming run away, but my legs were shaking and my heart was pounding. I guess I you can say I’m literally scare stiff, as I should be. In here there is only to be pain and suffering, blood and tears all that will make me go limp and only wish death would come sooner.

“What’s wrong Meg? Afraid the big bad wolf with eat you up?” I heard the S&M guy say from behind me and my body stopped shaking. I even held my breath when he stood next to me afraid that he’ll kick me in the face or something. I always thought this guy was a pain in the ass –no pun intended- but never terrifying, at least that’s what I thought, but as my body trembles at his presence I should think otherwise. He is terror to a girl beyond means that his mere existence strikes fear into you.

“Everything’s set up,” I heard Joey say when someone grabbed my arm.

“That’s great,” there was a smile in S&M’s voice and then I was suddenly yanked up roughly, “You can now move to you station and I’ll get our little star ready.” S&M said and Joey nodded and left the room. My eyes remained on the door when I felt S&M’s hold on me get tighter causing me to yelp in pain. “Miss me much?” he whispered into my ear and I whimpered, “thought so.” He pulled he along when he walked to the place I was once chained to that now had the water cooler placed in front of. I looked at the cooler and felt him kick the back of my knees causing me to fall. My head hit the ground roughly and the room started to spin when I heard a clicking sound and the rattle of my chains. “perfect.” He said.
I slowly sat up and moved my arms when I noticed what he had done to me-I’m chained to the floor. I sat facing forward on my knees with the water cooler in front of me and S&M next to it like the dick he is! He looked at the camera and then back at me, “give me the most thrilling performance you can. If you do I’ll hold back and give you some room, but if you don’t I’m going to play with you some much that you’ll break.” He smiled at me and reached into his back pocket and pulled out a ski mask. He put it on and yelled ready when the camera’s green light turned on. “Hello Danielle, big sis,” he said and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I looked up at the camera and then at S&M.

“No,” I whispered, “No! Leave Danny out of this!” I screamed.

“Damn brat,” he lifted the lid off the cooler revealing water up to the brim with chunks of ice, “learn your damn place.” He took the back of my collar and dunked my head in the icy water. I won’t lie; the water is seriously fucking cold and my eyes sting from the sudden impact of it. My lungs burn for oxygen and the only thing I can see besides the white bottom of the cooler is the air bubbles escaping me. I was pulled out and gasped for air as soon as I broken out of the watery hell. I tried jerking out of his embrace, but the chains held me in place and his hand remained on my collar. “Oh, look at that. Little sister is trying to be brave now, isn’t it cute. Isn’t it just peachy?” he looked at me and then the camera. All the while he was talking I decided to take it as a moment of opportunity and mouth complex, building complex slowly when I was pushed back into the water-mouth open. Ice water rushed into my mouth and I started gulping tons of it while I jerk back in vain. My lungs started to burn and that’s what triggered the thrashing to get out of the cooler, because as of now it is a matter of life or death. He pulled me out again and I coughed up water like no tomorrow while he laughed. He got on his knees next to me “Tell Danny to help you,” he moved a couple of strands of wet hair away from my face. “Tell Danny to save you.” He said gently.

I looked at him in surprise, “No,” I said sternly and I was once again in the water. Only this time it was longer and I felt my face numb a bit. Once again I was pulled out of the water, and this time I was greeted by angry eyes.

“Say it or this time you’ll stay down longer, and maybe, just maybe you won’t be so lucky to catch another breath.” He glared at me and I returned it, “Say it!” he yelled making me jump.

I looked at the camera and thought of Danny watching this, watching me from her laptop being manipulated by this jackass. The thought of her watching me go through this hell was enough to make me feel pitiful, but just having her involved in this. Having her be pulled down to the level of these monsters made tears come out of the corner of my eyes.

“Help me,” don’t do it, “It hurts, it all hurts” ignore me,“I’m tired, bruised, and beaten,” forget me, my body began to shake, “I’m tainted and scared,” don’t listen to me, more tears started coming out mixing with my water marks, “Please Danny, save me. Save me!” Just abandon me…for your sake.