Darkest Desires

My eyes were swollen and blood shot from all the crying I’ve been doing. My nose chapped from the rough tissues that lay all over my floor like snot covered snow balls. In the mornings I don’t feel like getting out of bed and I night I can’t sleep. NightQuil had become my best friend these past four and a half days. Carl would call every once in a while to check up on me but I refuse to answer. I want to be left alone, I want my sister back, and I want the room next to mine to be filled with noise and not this depressing silence. I want the cops to stop touching and taking her belongings, I want to stop feeling responsible for what happened to her. I want, I want, I want.

My cell phone was ringing again clearly Carl and I let it got to voicemail. I don’t feel like talking, all I feel is guilt. Yelling at her and not taking her to school was all I could think about and it suffocated me. Like some kind of thick miasma circling around me, chocking me. I rolled over on my bed and looked at my clock that sat on my nightstand. The red numbers were blocked by a yellow sticky note:



The Becketts meaning my next door neighbors, who happened to be a family of six, and teddy bears meaning their two older sons, Dean and Axel. Granted I’ve known the family since I was born, quite literally, I don’t feel like going over to see them. I buried my face in my pillow and thought of trying to sleep when the note replayed in my head, Told the Becketts, I groaned realizing what my mother did. She just ensured my visit to the Becketts my telling them I was coming by, knowing I don’t ditch planned visits. I dragged myself from my bed and made my way to my closet pulling on my white skinny jeans and black butterfly bomb girls T-shirt along with my converse I slowly made my way out of the room. Making my way out of the house I was slowly regretting dragging myself from bed. My body felt heavy and sluggish and my mind refused to process anything at the moment. I guess this is what they call depression. Walking through my backyard I made my way to the gate that led to the Beckett’s yard. In some weird way this felt nostalgic the whole walking through the yard to see Dean and Axel, except this time it isn’t for them to come out and play.

Walking through the Beckett’s yard I spotted Katie, the only daughter they had, on the patio with her laptop. She looked up from the screen, spotted me, and turned back into the whining five year old, eyes balling and nose running. Quickly jumping out of her seat she ran to meet me, nearly tackling me in a bear hug. Her arms wrapped around me as she wept and all I could do was rubbed her back until she was done. The kidnapping not only hit our family hard, but also the Beckett’s. All of us have grown so use to each other’s presence we basically become one giant family to the point there was no need to knock on each other’s doors, just walk into the home like it was your own. Katie and Meg grew up like sisters always spending time together and sleeping over every weekend, even though Katie was one year older than Meg they were very close. Katie’s sobbing ceased and she looked at me with glassy eyes and a quivering lip like she was going to start crying again when Mrs. Beckett came out to the yard. She looked like hell just like my mom and came over to me and gave me a hug. She was so motherly to me I felt like crying in her arms, but decided against it. She told me to stay as long as I want and the boys were upstairs. With a nod she took Katie inside the house as I tried to compose myself before I went inside. Taking a few deep breaths calming my nerves I walked in the house making my way to the second floor where Dean and Axel were supposed to be at.

Walking through the mustard yellow hallway photos Dean, Axel, Katie, and Louis were sprawled on the walls with Me, Meg, and Eddy here and there. Funny, even though the pictures have all of us kids in it I can only look at Meg. Maybe it’s because she’s missing and I miss her or the fact I never really paid any attention to her when she was with me. A hand touched my shoulder and I turned around and saw Axel looking concerned with his rocker hair. He didn’t say anything to me only took my hand and lend me to the loft where Dean was lying on the couch. Dean’s eyes were closed, but I could tell he wasn’t sleeping, just thinking. Axel cleared his throat and Dean’s eye fluttered open taking noticed of the two of us. He got off the couch and embraced me and that’s when I started crying like a child again. Dean hugged me and Axel kept hold of my hand squeezing it comforting me in his own way. Dean was shaking a little and I could hear quiet sobbing from Axel’s direction and it was hard for me to believe that two college students were crying, but this is what made us close. Even though we are the eldest we can still cry around each other without fear of judgment. We stayed quiet for a moment of two before letting each other go and going to sit in our usual spots. Me lying on the couch, Axel sitting in his bean bag next to me, and Dean in his neon computer chair his chest facing the back of the chair.

We chatted for a bit laughing at old memories about stupid things each of us has done. Axel pointed out Dean was now dating some chick from his college who was a drama major. He continued talking about how she looked and claimed she must have drank a lot of milk when she was a kid making some gesture to his chest. Axel and I laughed as Dean barked at us how inappropriate that was and was definitely not funny. Which only made us laugh harder to the point tears were coming out and Axel farted. I didn’t mind because we were just that close to each other despite me being a senior in high school and Axel being a freshman in college. Dean was a sophomore, who claimed he was very mature for his age, despite the fact he was blushing when Axel talked about his girlfriend’s boobs. We all joked around some more and then put in a movie, The Hunchback of Norte Dame while curled up in blankets we sang along to the movie and stayed quiet during the serious moments. Eventually I don’t know when we all fell asleep together and when I woke up I was wrapped in Axel’s embrace while Dean was holding my hands like a child. This had to be the first night I fell asleep without problems since Meg went missing and it made me a little happy. Carefully maneuvering out of their embrace I quietly left the room making my way home.

The night air filled my lungs as I crossed the yard wondering if my parents we’re already sleeping. Stopping at the gate before entering my yard I looked back at the Beckett’s house all the lights off as they slept with the same worry as my own home. Opening the gate I walked to my own home that seems to be striving for hope that Meg would come back to us. Granted we don’t know if she was taken or ran away we still cling to hope that she will return to us. Happy and bubbly like she always is, I thought to myself as I unlocked the back door. I walked in through the kitchen and went up the back steps towards my room pausing in front of Meg’s room. Slightly opening the door to peer in noticed her computer was gone and someone was in her bed. I open the door more and noticed it was my mother curled up sleeping in Meg’s bed with tear marks on her face. Closing the door slowly so I wouldn’t wake her I went to my room.

I flipped the light switch on and started changing into my PJs when my laptop screen lit up grabbing my attention. I walked over to it and opened up a window.

Snuznclass92: Hello Danny, or should I say big sis.