Unexpected

Months had passed. My baby boy, Joey, had been born at seven pounds, nine ounces. The second he was put in my arms, he looked up at me with eyes that perfectly matched Cam’s, and my heart stopped for a second.

Raising a baby turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would have been. First of all, the U.S. doesn’t allow for any paid maternal leave, so I could only take a couple weeks off before I had to be back at work. Thankfully, Tory was a saint and a half and took care of Joey when I wasn’t there, since she didn’t have a steady job.

There was no more time to write, not at all. It took a backseat to everything else that was going on.

“Shhh,” I urged Joey, bouncing him up and down as he let out cry after cry that echoed through my aching head. I loved the boy to death, but I just wished that he wasn’t so colicky.

Tory, who was lying on the couch with her arm over her forehead, sighed loudly. “Why did we think it would be a good idea to have a child?”

I let out a laugh, starting Joey a little. “Well, you didn’t have anything to do with it, and I wasn’t actually planning the pregnancy.”

“Why didn’t you use a condom?” she whined. This conversation seemed to go on once a day.

“Because I didn’t even think of it until everything was done. Plus, I’m pretty sure that Cam didn’t even have one.”

Another dramatic sigh from the couch was my only response. Finally, Joey calmed down and started sleeping on my shoulder.

“Hallelujah!” Tory rejoiced, throwing her hands up in the air. Thankfully, she had the sense to stay as quiet as possible.

“You could say that again,” I mumbled before laying Joey down in his crib and pulling up the blanket up to his chin. “God, how much does he look like Cam?”

“Actually, he kinda looks like you,” Tory whispered, joining me to stand over his crib. “His eyes are like Cam’s, but his face structure and hair color are just like you. I guess we’ll just have to see when he gets older. After all, he’s only a month and a half.”

“You’re right,” I replied. We were ripped from our conversation by a loud knock at the door. My breath caught as I looked back at Joey, making sure that he hadn’t woken up.

But he was still sleeping soundly, not even stirring. Letting out a sigh of relief, I made for the door, opening it before the people could knock again.

“Is there a Layla Cunningham here?” a man in a camouflaged uniform questioned, reading from a clipboard in his hand.

“Yes?” I gulped. The only thought that was on repeat through my head was that he was about to tell me something bad about Cam. Please let me be wrong.

However, I knew by now that no matter how many times I begged, what I wanted was never the case.

“I’m sorry to inform you that Cameron Harrison has been killed in battle yesterday in Iraq.”

“What?” I let out in a breath, tears starting to fall down my face as my breathing started to turn into deep, heaving sobs. “That’s not possible.”

“He was a hero, ma’am. Saved one of his platoon members in an explosion.”

I wiped my hands across my face fiercely, angry that I was crying in front of a stranger. Not that it mattered. Cam was gone…forever.

Trying to steady my breath again without luck, I looked across the room at my son. “He didn’t even know about his son…” I whispered. “He didn’t know.”

The man put something in my hand before he departed. “He wrote this for you, just in case he passed,” he explained before saying goodbye and making his way down the hallway.

Layla, it read.

I just wanted to let you know that I don’t regret any of it. Not seeing you for the two weeks before training instead of my family. Not sleeping with you. Not finally telling you that I loved you. I’m only upset that I enlisted in the army before I could talk to you about it, see how you felt. However, I don't dislike my decision because I felt it was important to serve the country, and I'm glad I did.

Even though I didn’t answer the letter because I didn’t have the time, I did receive your letter telling me about Joey. I couldn’t be prouder, and I couldn’t have asked for a better person to have a baby with. He’s beautiful, and he looks just like you.

I’m just sorry that you’re reading this because it means that I won’t be there to help you raise him. I’m so sorry, Layla. I wish there was more I could do or more that I could say.

Always remember that I love you, okay? Don’t spend all your time being sad about me because you still have your whole life ahead of you, even if I don’t. So, please…be successful for Joey. Be successful for me.

I love you more than you’ll ever know,
Cam

That was it. I was on the floor in a heap, crying hysterically.

* * *

At the funeral, neither Joey nor I could stop crying, and he didn’t even know what was going on. Maybe he could just feel my anxiety and cried as a response.

Cam’s parents were delighted to meet Joey at first, but his mother broke down into hysterical tears when she saw his eyes. Immediately, I felt badly for bringing him, but he had nowhere else to go.

At the front, they had a picture of Cam in his army uniform, looking incredibly handsome. It made my heart pang, wishing that he had never left. More than anything, I wanted him standing next to me. I wanted him to be beside me as I worked to raise Joey.

“That’s your daddy,” I whispered to Joey, reaching his hand forward so he touched the glass softly.

One day, Joey would understand. Joey would be proud of his father, even if he was angry at me for bringing him into a world where he could possibly have no father. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be too angry.

Maybe…Joey would grow up to be just like Cam.