Faux Heart

“We need to talk,” I send to you via text message. I'm not so naïve as to believe you will respond right away like you used to. There is something holding you back, and the conversation you had with Rachel two days ago keeps replaying in my head. If it things were okay between us then after her conversation things would have changed. He would have allowed things to return to normal, or at least stop ignoring me. Instead, it has been a couple days since I had last heard anything from him. For this reason, I'm not entirely sure he'll reply to my message at all.

By some miracle you actually responded, “Skype in 20?” you ask. I send back my approval before texting Rachel to let her know what exactly is going on. She, of course, tells me to keep her updated. She's worried about me, and I can't really say I blame her.

I sign on to Skype a few minutes before we agreed, just to make sure I don't miss you. Everything I want to say running through my head, haunting me. I know what I have to do, but that doesn't mean that I actually want to go through with it. I know that Rachel says I need to, and I know deep in my head that need to...I just don't want to. I love you, regardless of how you feel for me. I love you, and I have since the day we first met. I never expected you to feel the same, and I realize now that you never did. Those months we had together were bliss, but completely faux on your part.

A few minutes later you sign on, sending me a video chat invite. I, of course, accept it, waiting for the feed to load as I nibble away at my bottom lip. As soon as the video loads, I see your face smiling at me with such sorrow. It kills me inside, but I try my hardest to hide it. I smile back weakly just to be polite.

“I'm sorry about everything,” you say. I just nod. If you expect me to forgive you for this, you are mistaken. I love you, but you have wronged me. This isn't easily forgiven. My heart is not a toy for you to play with.

“We can't be together any more,” I manage to say around pulling the skin of my lip between my teeth in harsh tugs.

You nod, mutter an 'I know.' Which sickens me. Of course you know, but you make it seem like this is what you wanted. Though, I suppose, it probably is. That would explain a lot. “I didn't mean to ignore you,” you continue after a small moment of silence, “I just didn't know how to end things without completely losing you.” I pull my eyes away from the screen as you speak, my ears picking up on a man calling for you in the background—a voice I have never heard before.

“You have someone else.” I don't beat around the bush, and I don't look at you. I just say it. No sorrow, no anger. Just a blank face with a monotonous voice. It is a statement, not a question. You know this, too. Which is why silence falls between us.

“It was never going to work.” I roll my eyes at you. You are just like everyone else. I see this now. “Long distance relationships don't work. It was just an internet thing anyway.” Glad to know I meant so little to you, really, thanks. “I really do love you, Vikki, but it would never work.”

“Save your bullshit for someone who cares.” I end the call, log off Skype, and close my laptop.

-

That was the last time I ever heard from you, but that's okay. You may not realize it, but you taught me something very important that day—you have to be careful who you trust. A lot of people are just out to play games.

If I saw you today I'd thank you because you've helped shape me into the person I am today, and I quite like who I am now much better than who I used to be. At least now I'll stand my ground, I'm not so trusting, and I'm not such a pushover. Thank you for that, Airden. The bitterness is gone now, and I really, truly hope you're living a happy life.

With love,
Victor