It Was Meant To Be

If you could go back in time, what is the one thing you would like to change?

I was eight when we first met. The first time I laid my eyes on her, I knew she was the most beautiful girl on this planet. The way her blonde hair would sway with the breeze and the way her blue eyes sparkled made it hard for me to breathe. She somehow reminded me of a butterfly. How you never really see it flying past you but when you do, you can’t seem to get your eyes off of it.

Sadly, my fantasy where she was the sweetest girl in the whole wide world shattered when she roughly shoved me down onto the ground. “What are you staring at?” she screamed, towering over me. I was speechless. How can someone so small have so much power? I could practically feel the bruise forming on my shoulder.

That was just the beginning of an endless stream of rough shoves and mean words. Every time she wanted to do something to me, she’d have that unique and sinister smirk on her face. I could always see it coming but somehow, I could never get myself to fight back. There was this image that was set in my brain where girls are always sweet and soft and even though I kept getting bullied, I couldn’t get it out of my head.

Five years came and went but nothing between us had changed. At thirteen, she’d still bully me and I’d still take it like a dog with his tail between his legs. There was this one day though. I was already extremely annoyed and irritated, by what, I couldn’t remember. It was after school and most of the students had already went home but I stayed in the library to complete my homework. You might think of it as strange but I work best when I’m angry.

It was already two hours after dismissal when I finally finished all my work. I packed up my things, getting ready to leave. Just as I stepped out of the library doors though, I walked smack dab into her. The day kept getting better and better, note the sarcasm. Just seeing her face made me literally feel steam coming out of my ears. “Can we not do this today, please. I’m really in no mood for it,” I said, gritting my teeth.

“No mood for what? What are we doing?” She replied, with her knowing smirk forming on her lips.

Suddenly I felt something in me just snap, like a rubber band you’ve stretched too far. “Just back off, will you! I’m sick and tired of you! What have I ever done to make you do this to me?” I pushed her back, roughly but not too roughly to cause her harm. Without waiting for a reply, I stormed off, making my way back home.

By the time freshman year of high school began, the both of us had formed our own gangs. Pranks and violent ways were a usual but no matter how hard it got, we never gave up. There was this burning hatred that blazed within me, but somehow, I couldn’t hide the slight hint of admiration I had for her.

She’s just a girl. Long, wavy blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a height of not more than 5’4”. She wasn’t skinny but she wasn’t chubby either. I would describe her as just nice, but most of the girls our age were just the same. She had managed to gain respect from her followers, boys none the less. How she’d managed to do that was beyond me.

It was now our senior year. The raging war between us hasn’t sizzled down even a little bit but the feeling of admiration I have for her has somehow grown greater. Not to mention that the number of followers she had, has probably tripled since freshman year. There was no hiding the fact that she seems to be winning the war but somehow I couldn’t be bothered by it.

It was a week ago when I witnessed the one thing I thought I would never be able to see in my lifetime. It was lunch break and I was hanging out behind the school’s science block, a place where it was quiet and I would never be disturbed. I heard the faint sound of footsteps and the itch of curiosity surfaced. I followed the sounds and stopped just around a corner when I heard two distinct voices. One of them, I could recognize with my eyes closed. The other though, was an unfamiliar guy’s voice.

“I’ve kind of been having feelings for you for a while now. Will you be my boyfriend?” I was shocked. Who would’ve thought the ice queen had feelings?

“Oh, wow. I don’t know how I should say this, but I’m really sorry. I just can’t see you as my girlfriend.” He’s really straightforward.

I couldn’t help myself. I peeked and took a quick look of her. Now that rendered me speechless. Never have I ever seen her look so heartbroken before. If I was in my right mind, I would reveal myself and make fun of her, but now that I’ve seen her, I just couldn’t. She just looks so sad.

From that moment onwards, the blazing fire of hatred that burned within me has gotten so small, it’s so hard to find. Ever since that day, she hasn’t bullied me or made a prank on me. It was as though she just disappeared, figuratively. Her body was here but it just wasn’t her anymore. Unexpectedly, I find myself lonely. It’s as though her presence in my life was no longer a nuisance but a necessity. It was like she was the Yin to my Yang.

She used to only be the mean and ruthless girl whose only purpose in life was to beat me up but I can’t help but see her in a new light now. I don’t know how it happened or why but it just did. She’s a girl, but she wasn’t mean, no. She was strong. She showed all the stuck-up, over-confident men on this planet that you don’t even have to be a man to prove yourself to the world.

The very next time I saw her, I took her by the hand and pulled her over to a secluded corner of the school corridor. Without thinking about my actions and the consequence to it, I kissed her right on the lips. ‘Has her lips ever been this soft?’ was all that was running through my head.

The next thing I knew, I was being pushed away. Before she could escape though, I wrapped my arms around her. She struggled but I never loosened my grip. After a while, she gave up and stood still. We stayed that way for hours, or what felt like hours. The only thing I said to her was, “You’re my sun. You may be strong and hot but you must never be gone, for you light up my day when darkness takes over.”

If I could go back in time, what is the one thing I would like to change?

I’ll admit that there was a time in my life that I wished I would have just stood up to her when she first bullied me but now, I don’t think I’d ever want to do that. The world just wouldn’t be the same. The thing about life that we should remember is, we should never regret anything we do or don’t do, because in the end, it makes us who we are today.