If Not For You I Know I'd Tear This Place To The Ground.

Two weeks later

Alex and the guys got offstage after playing the show in Montreal and headed backstage. Alex was filled with nerves at the thought of having to see Savannah. She had VIP passes which meant she was going to come backstage and see them. Fuck.

Alex headed for the showers and lost himself in thought for a few minutes. Then, dressing, he supposed that he had to head backstage and see who Savannah had come with. Maybe her new boyfriend and some of his friends. Hopefully not her friends, especially that bitchy Cheyenne. He didn’t know if he’d be able to see Cheyenne without slapping her across the face.

When he got backstage the other guys were sprawled out on chairs and looked a little concerned. There was no sign of Savannah or anyone. Maybe she’d decided to not come.

“Hey guys what’s up? You guys look a little …” Alex trailed off, not really knowing what adjective was appropriate to finish his sentence.

“The guys from Before You Exit are here,” Jack stated. “They better not be about to cause us some trouble. Or maybe they should. I feel up to kicking some ass.”

Alex was startled. They had toured with Before You Exit before. In fact, they’d pretty much taken them under their wing because it had been their first real tour. They’d seemed like decent guys, but then Alex had caught one of their singers, Connor, in a very compromising position with a fan that looked very young. She’d turned out to only be 13. Alex had intervened and sent the girl home. Connor had bitched him out, saying that there was nothing wrong with what he was doing as long as the girl was willing, which she had been. He’d claimed that Alex was just jealous and wanted to fuck her himself and was mad that she’d chosen him. Alex had brushed the incident off and had kept it to himself. The others never mentioned it, either. But a few weeks later, a similar incident happened between another young fan girl and Connor. Alex had sat down with his band members and they’d decided they didn’t have a choice but to kick them out of the tour. Things had also been complicated by Braiden’s older sister who had decided to join them for a few days. She had fancied Alex, fancied him a lot. She had made advances all the time and eventually Alex had decided to humor her, to maybe see where it would go. They’d been interrupted by Riley, who, as it turned out, really liked the girl and had thought there was going to be a chance for him. After that, he’d been able to talk the band into leaving with no trouble, but they had always hated him. Riley because he ruined his chances with Megan, Braiden because he believed that Alex had ‘propositioned’ his sister, and Connor for ruining his ‘fun’.

“I wonder what they’re doing here,” he mused, still lost in the past. He didn’t notice the looks that his best friends shared. He also didn’t notice that they moved closer to him, the way adults in a herd move closer to protect the young and vulnerable.

It went really quiet then, like, insanely quiet. Alex looked up and saw why. Savannah was heading towards them. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was a boy attached to her hand. When Alex followed the hand and arm up towards the face, he almost passed out. She was holding hands with Riley. As in, Riley from BYE. One of his sworn enemies.

Alex held back the scream that threatened to rip his throat to pieces and instead got up, pretending that he was calm. He muttered something to his band mates that they didn’t quite catch and headed out the door leading to the back alleyway of the venue.

It was a bad idea, because the moment he opened the door he was greeted by screams and whistles and whatnot from fans that were waiting in the back in case any of the band members decided to come out that way. Normally Alex would have turned around and went back inside to avoid being mobbed, but this time he decided what the hell, he might as well spend some time with his fans. They were one of the two main reasons that he wasn’t giving up on life the way he sometimes wanted to.

******************************************
When Alex didn’t come back after almost 20 minutes, the guys started to get worried. Jack had just finished saying that he was going to go see what happened to him when Savannah stood up instead.

“No, Jack. Let me. It’s my fault that he ran off. I shouldn’t have come. I’m going to go apologize. It’ll give him the time to say anything to me that he hasn’t yet but wants to and maybe he’ll feel better. He’s probably suffering from guilt, or something. I mean, I did at first, until I realized it was for the better.”

The guys had left Savannah there and had gone to get something to eat. She’d told them she’d meet them at the hotel; because she wanted some time alone with her close f- her favorite band.

The three guys shared a look. No, Alex was feeling misplaced, misused, hurt. Unwanted. Because he was under the impression that Savannah hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. She was under the impression that he hadn’t wanted her after finding out her secrets. For the first time, the guys (well, except for Jack, he’d been feeling this all along) started to wonder if they’d done the right thing. They wondered if maybe, if they’d left well enough alone, if their friend would be happy.

Either way, they couldn’t very well stop Savannah from going to talk to him. Jack nodded his head. Savannah, as if she’d been waiting for permission, took the few steps to the door and opened it.

******************************************

Alex was with the last of his fans when he heard the door of the venue open. He didn’t have to look, he knew without a doubt who it was. It was Savannah.

He chatted with the two girls for a few minutes and took some pictures with them. They were pretty excited but were doing a good job of masking it. They had asked some pretty interesting questions and shared their thoughts on some of the songs. A lot of the fans wouldn’t do the second part for fear of offending the band. Alex laughed at the thought of that. He knew everyone had their own opinions on his music, and he welcomed them.

He hugged the girls and they walked away, whispering excitedly. He knew that he’d most likely made their week.

“You’re so good to your fans.”

Savannah’s voice carried on the wind. She sounded closer than she was, but when Alex turned, she was leaning against a pole about ten feet away from him. She looked a little sad and a lot nervous, and Alex felt his blood boil. She had no right to be upset. She was the one who had replaced him.

“Someone has to give them a reason to believe.” His words came out harsher than intended, but he didn’t regret them.

“Like you used to be my reason to believe?” she questioned softly.

“Sure.” He didn’t feel like talking to her. Instead, he turned away and starting bouncing rocks off the pavement in front of him. They made a satisfying noise, and he started flinging them harder.

He was stopped by a hand on his arm. He shook it off impatiently but it just held harder. With an angry sigh, he turned and faced her. Her green eyes were misty and were taking in his shape. He pulled his arm back to him and wrapped his arms around himself. It was summer, but he was still freezing.

“What do you want? You have a new boyfriend. You’re almost done school; you’ll be moving away and getting on with your life. You’ve seen us in concert. What more do you want?! Can’t you just leave me alone so I can get over you?”

Savannah seemed shocked by his response. “What do you mean? I thought you were over me. You sleep with different girls, you have a grand old time with your band, you, you, you…” she couldn’t even finish her sentence.

“I have a good time with my band because they’re my best friends and it wouldn’t be fair to punish them all by being in a bad mood all the time. I slept with random girls because I’m trying to find the one that’s going to help me forget about you, but it hasn’t happened yet.”

Savannah didn’t know what to say. “I’m such an idiot,” she whispered to herself. To Alex, she said “Then why didn’t you tell me that you wanted to be with me? At the hospital, on the phone, you’ve had your chance.”

Alex looked at her, bewildered. “Yeah, and make a fool of myself, pining over someone who’d already moved on?”

“I only started dating Riley a few weeks ago. You had time before that. Hell, I didn’t even know who he was the last time I saw you at the hospital! Why did you just let me go if you cared that much?” Savannah argued.

“Because it was what you wanted! You told me as much! I wasn’t going to argue with you, I’d already caused enough trouble in your life.”

Savannah stood open-mouthed at this for a few minutes. “In fact, it was you who didn’t want me, but whatever. As for causing trouble, I don’t know where you get that idea from! You saved me from myself, Alex. You brought companionship into my life, you gave me a reason to get out of bed everyday and a reason to believe that there are still people who do what they want in life because they believe in themselves. You made me happy, but hey, if that’s your idea of trouble, then, fine.”

Alex just shook his head. “I don’t understand you sometimes. Whatever. I’m done. I just have one thing left to say to you.”

Savannah was hurting inside. She couldn’t even bear to fight anymore. She was so fucked up that she couldn’t even begin to fight her way through the maze to get to the center of her heart. What was the use, it was chained and bolted shut anyway “What’s that?”

“Be careful.”

She frowned. “Be careful for what?”

Alex paced. “I know you don’t want to hear it but those guys you’re hanging out with aren’t always good guys. They probably told you that they hate us, and I’m sure you’re fine with that, but just understand that there are two sides to every story and you haven’t heard our side. I’m not going to force you to listen because I know it will just make me look like I’m trying to make the others look like asses, but I hope one day, if you get a chance to listen, that you’ll believe in me. Because I still believe in you.”

Alex walked away at that, leaving Savannah standing there, not knowing what to say or do. Her thoughts were all jumbled.

She missed Alex more than she thought possible. She also knew that Riley was hiding something from her. His friends didn’t trust her, because she was associated with Alex. She didn’t like them because they always bad-mouthed the band, and no matter what she felt towards Alex, she still loved All Time Low. She knew that she would never feel anything towards Riley, but she was worried that he would develop feelings for her. UGH.

“I’m such a coward,” she whispered to herself. “Dear Lord, please give me the courage to change that which can be changed, the peace of mind to accept that which can’t be changed, and enough wisdom to know the difference.”

Especially enough wisdom to know the difference, she thought. Because right now, she couldn’t even tell left from right.