The Only Hope for Me Is You
January 26th, 2011.
My cell phone rang, causing me to jump anxiously from where I sat on my bed. I looked cautiously over at the glowing, electronic screen and saw Kurtis’s name, displayed in small, white letters. He rarely ever calls. As I thought about that last piece of information, my heart sunk in my chest.
We had been waiting for his biopsy results, and I had the feeling that this was his reason for calling.
The moment that I picked up the phone to say hello, I knew that I was right. My ears were met with a hoarse, raspy, and quiet version of his usually warm voice.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong,” I said comfortingly, though at this point I already knew the answer to that question. I could hear him, voice quavering with tears, trying his best to hide from me the fact that he was upset. That’s his nature, to keep everything to himself.
“The…the,” he stuttered, unsure of his own words.
“Come on, tell me,” I said gently, my suddenly heavy heart sinking in my deep into my chest as I spoke.
“The biopsy results tested…they tested positive for the same cancer…that’s what those spots on my kidney are.”
I took a moment of silence, an opportunity for these toxic words to register in my mind. The reality of those results stung more than anything else I’ve ever felt, and I cried. I cried for a young man who hadn’t been given a proper chance to enjoy life. I cried for an unwelcome disease that had sneakily made its way into my past, present, and future, now for a second time. But most of all, I cried for the boy I had fallen in love with. We would both have to go through all of this again.
Eventually we hung up, but continued to text. There would be a routine colonoscopy on the 31st, and then an appointment with the surgeon February 7th to schedule a time to get the port put back into his chest. A week later, after the wound healed, chemo would start once more. This would mean that he would have to leave school for the entire last trimester of our senior year, and leave me all alone.
We had had it all planned out. We’d made it so we shared a locker and had every class of the day together. It was going to be a terrific year. Now, with the cancer back and no other friends, I knew that the rest of the year was going to be a fucking nightmare at best.
I cried some more as reality continued to hit me, breaking through my emotional wall and causing it to come crashing down upon me. Selfish really, but this was killing me. I had hoped with all that I had that this would never happen again. He was only in remission for ten months. Why us?
By the time I went to bed that night, I’d pulled on a brave face and begun to prepare myself for what was ahead. This was all about him, and I would be his support, no matter what.
We had been waiting for his biopsy results, and I had the feeling that this was his reason for calling.
The moment that I picked up the phone to say hello, I knew that I was right. My ears were met with a hoarse, raspy, and quiet version of his usually warm voice.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong,” I said comfortingly, though at this point I already knew the answer to that question. I could hear him, voice quavering with tears, trying his best to hide from me the fact that he was upset. That’s his nature, to keep everything to himself.
“The…the,” he stuttered, unsure of his own words.
“Come on, tell me,” I said gently, my suddenly heavy heart sinking in my deep into my chest as I spoke.
“The biopsy results tested…they tested positive for the same cancer…that’s what those spots on my kidney are.”
I took a moment of silence, an opportunity for these toxic words to register in my mind. The reality of those results stung more than anything else I’ve ever felt, and I cried. I cried for a young man who hadn’t been given a proper chance to enjoy life. I cried for an unwelcome disease that had sneakily made its way into my past, present, and future, now for a second time. But most of all, I cried for the boy I had fallen in love with. We would both have to go through all of this again.
Eventually we hung up, but continued to text. There would be a routine colonoscopy on the 31st, and then an appointment with the surgeon February 7th to schedule a time to get the port put back into his chest. A week later, after the wound healed, chemo would start once more. This would mean that he would have to leave school for the entire last trimester of our senior year, and leave me all alone.
We had had it all planned out. We’d made it so we shared a locker and had every class of the day together. It was going to be a terrific year. Now, with the cancer back and no other friends, I knew that the rest of the year was going to be a fucking nightmare at best.
I cried some more as reality continued to hit me, breaking through my emotional wall and causing it to come crashing down upon me. Selfish really, but this was killing me. I had hoped with all that I had that this would never happen again. He was only in remission for ten months. Why us?
By the time I went to bed that night, I’d pulled on a brave face and begun to prepare myself for what was ahead. This was all about him, and I would be his support, no matter what.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yeah...