Almost Crying
Chapter Six
Gerard sets his cereal bowl down on the coffee table in front of us. He turns back to me and snuggled against my side, which I’m used to. I feel his lips on my neck, which I’m also used to. It’s unusual, however, when he doesn’t pull away. He sucks hungrily at my skin, and I tense up.
“Gee, you’re crossing a line and you know it,” I tell him, trying to keep my voice level. He bites down gently and I shudder. “Gerard, stop.” I try to sound commanding, but it comes out in a weak whisper. He moans softly as stops, only to trail his lips up my jawline. I grab his face and hold it away from me.
“Please,” I beg, staring deep into his eyes. He sighs and nods, looking away from me.
“Maybe I should go,” he suggests. He stares at his feet, which are cloaked in a pair of black socks, and I frown.
“You don’t have to,” I say. “You just… can’t do that.”
He looks up at me, smiling sadly. “You have no idea, do you? How hard it is for me to be here with you, and not be able to just… grab you and kiss you. To just take you.”
I shiver at that last part, and think back to the days I spent with Ray. I know exactly how he feels, but nothing I say could make it better. “I’m sorry,” is all I can think of. He nods, emotionless. I hadn’t helped, just as I’d predicted. He rises slowly to his feet, deliberately not making eye contact with me.
“I think I should go,” he says again. He turns and makes his way to the door, and I follow with a sigh. I watch as he slips his feet into his vans, which are falling apart.
“You need new shoes,” I tell him dully. He nods and pulls open the door.
“See you,” he mumbles, still not making eyes contact as he leaves. I watch the door close behind him, and the tears start to flow.
“Gee, you’re crossing a line and you know it,” I tell him, trying to keep my voice level. He bites down gently and I shudder. “Gerard, stop.” I try to sound commanding, but it comes out in a weak whisper. He moans softly as stops, only to trail his lips up my jawline. I grab his face and hold it away from me.
“Please,” I beg, staring deep into his eyes. He sighs and nods, looking away from me.
“Maybe I should go,” he suggests. He stares at his feet, which are cloaked in a pair of black socks, and I frown.
“You don’t have to,” I say. “You just… can’t do that.”
He looks up at me, smiling sadly. “You have no idea, do you? How hard it is for me to be here with you, and not be able to just… grab you and kiss you. To just take you.”
I shiver at that last part, and think back to the days I spent with Ray. I know exactly how he feels, but nothing I say could make it better. “I’m sorry,” is all I can think of. He nods, emotionless. I hadn’t helped, just as I’d predicted. He rises slowly to his feet, deliberately not making eye contact with me.
“I think I should go,” he says again. He turns and makes his way to the door, and I follow with a sigh. I watch as he slips his feet into his vans, which are falling apart.
“You need new shoes,” I tell him dully. He nods and pulls open the door.
“See you,” he mumbles, still not making eyes contact as he leaves. I watch the door close behind him, and the tears start to flow.