I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

Zack and I had decided, after shopping, that we were just going to spend some time out by ourselves. Zack knew I needed it, so we went out and ate, and went the movies, and got some ice cream and basically just wandering around. We got back to the bus around I’d say 2am. When we got there, it was evident that something was up.

The guys were standing and kneeling around Alex. I dropped everything I was holding and rushed over.

“What the fuck is going on here?” I asked, pushing Rian out of the way and kneeling down beside Alex. His face was all sweaty and super pale and he looked like he was in a lot of pain. He smiled weakly when he saw me. My heart hurt, looking at him.

“What happened?” I asked, less panicked now but still worried.

Matt was the one to answer. “I don’t know. He’s just sick. We bought a case of beer and were going to play some cards and crap and just mess around, but then, after like, not even half a beer, he just ran for the bathroom and started throwing up and everything. He doesn’t even know what’s wrong. I’m so confused.”

I looked down at my poor Alex. He was looking up at me, too, and held out a hand to me. I grabbed his hand for a brief second and then looked at him quickly and motioned to Matt and the bus. Alex nodded and let go of my hand.

I motioned Matt over with me. “Did any of you talk to Lisa?” I asked as quietly as I could.

Matt’s expression tightened. “Please don’t tell me that you think Lisa poisoned her boyfriend or some crazy shit like that? I know you guys don’t get along and you’re not happy that she’s pregnant but-“

I cut Matt off before he could continue his rambling because that hadn’t been what I’d meant at all. But now that he’d mentioned it – I squashed my thoughts just as quickly. “No you idiot, I meant did you ask her if Alex has been feeling like this all day? Or if he’s eaten anything weird or anything lately?”

Matt’s face relaxed. “Oh. No. That’s the thing, when we went to the bus, she wasn’t there. No note, no nothing. I have no idea where she vanished to.”

Just then, the girl in questioned flounced over. “Are you talking about me? I just went shopping, I didn’t know where anyone else was and I –“

I cut her off. I seemed to be doing a job of that lately. It didn’t even click that it was 2am, she had no bags, and she looked, well … too happy. I was just mad that she hadn’t been there for Alex.

“Your boyfriend is sick!” I snapped. “We wanted to ask you if he’s been like that all day, or if he’s eaten anything weird or anything.”

Lisa looked taken aback at my tone of voice. I guess I’ve never stood up to her before. “Um, no. He seemed fine all day. But he didn’t eat with me, he said he was going to make some food while I was in the shower earlier, so I can’t tell you what he ate. What kind of sick is he?”

Matt answered this. “He’s been puking and sweating and stuff for the last few hours.”

She crinkled her nose at this. “That’s disgusting.”

I blew up just then. “DIGUSTING? He’s your boyfriend! You’re supposed to be there for him no matter what! If it was you lying on the ground feeling like you were dying, he’d be there, holding your hand and comforting you. But you, you flounce off and do whatever. Don’t lie and say shopping, all the shops have been closed since 9! I don’t frankly care what you did; I care what you didn’t do. You didn’t tell anyone where you were going, so on top of worrying about Alex, they had to worry about you because Alex would be pissed if they let something happen to you. You’re irresponsible. You’re not ready to have a baby! Babies puke, babies get sick! Do you expect Alex to take care of the kid by himself? You’re pathetic! You’re a fucking disgrace. I bet you did this on purpose, you got pregnant on purpose! You’ve always envied the relationship that Alex has with us because it’s real and 10 times better than the fake relationship he gives you.”

Matt’s face was a picture perfect snapshot of shock. I’d never blown up at anyone like that. In private arguments, things got said, yes. But mostly, I was quiet in my anger. But not this time. I would have said more if Matt hadn’t put a warning hand on my shoulders.

Lisa’s eyes had filled with tears but her rage had quickly burned them away. She glared at me. “I’ve never cared about his relationship with the others. JUST YOU. And no, I didn’t get pregnant on purpose! Do you think I want a kid with a stupid boy who’s in love with his best friend and too stupid to realize it?! NO. But at least by having his baby I know I’m giving him the one thing you can never give him and the one thing he’s always wanted. A chance at a real family.”

She looked at Matt. “Let me know when he’s better. I’ll come see him then. And make sure he’s not around,” she added, pointing a finger in my direction.

As she walked off, I slumped onto the ground. Matt looked at me with concern. “You okay, kid? I’ve never seen you lose your cool like that.”

“It’s her. She brings out the worse in anyone, I swear. Am I honestly the only one who doesn’t like her?” I asked with my eyes sad.

Matt squirmed. “Well ... no, none of the rest of us likes her, either. We’re just a little more subtle about it. You two … no words are even needed. You just repel each other, you know, like two positives or two negatives would. It’s a fucking electrical storm, just reading your body language and watching your eyes around each other. Maybe this will have cleared the air a little.” He didn’t look like he believed that, and neither did I, but for his sake and mine, I nodded.

Rian came over to us. “Jack, Lex is asking for you. He won’t let anyone else tend to him, he wants you.”

I got to my feet and went over to Alex. He was sitting up now, supported by a pillow. Everyone else had left as they saw me coming. I saw down beside Alex.

“You called, Lex?”

“Don’t leave me, Jack”, he said, reaching out for me. I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around him. He put his head on my chest and looked up at me.

“I was so scared, Jack. I was sick, and you weren’t there. If something ever happened to me, or something had happened to you, we’d have been fighting and I don’t want that. I don’t want us to fight. I love you, Jack. I just need to sort this shit out, you know? I don’t want to have to sneak around; I don’t want to have to worry about everyone thinking I’m ditching Lisa in her time of need. It’s so hard!” Tears of frustration had formed in my beautiful boy’s eyes, and one sneaked its way out and rolled down his cheek. I stopped it with my thumb.

“Don’t cry, Alex. It’s not your fault. I love you, too. We’ll figure something out. We can make this work. And by the way, Zack knows.” I felt like I had to tell him, now that he’d finally acknowledged everything.

Alex looked like something had finally clicked. “Oh, so THAT’S why you’ve been hanging out with Zack so much.”

I laughed. “Yeah. Why, what did you think was going on?”

He blushed and looked away as he mumbled “I thought maybe you were going to replace me.”

I laughed outright at this, startling some of the guys into looking our way. I waved at them, and they shook their heads but turned back to their conversations.

“Me? And Zack? Oh no, boyo, that guy’s straighter than a ruler. Nothing to worry about there.”

Alex smiled. “But he’s okay with it, right?” When I nodded, he sighed in relief. “I hope the others will be, too. But let’s face it, no one is going to be okay with anything unless I figure out shit with Lisa.”

“You’ll figure it out. I know you.”

“But it may take a while.” He looked at me, really sad. “I just want to be with you. Will you wait for me?”

I looked him directly in the eye. “Always.”

“Promise?”

I held him tighter to me and kissed his cheek. “I promise.”