I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

Jack was a fucking idiot.

He’d gone and told Matt that everything that he’d just witnessed (and he’d apparently saw a lot more than I was comfortable with) was just a product of his insecurity. He’d made this whole sob story up about something that had happened and Matt had bought it. He’d fucking bought it!

So now, two hours later, we were sitting on the couch watching the game. Jack was sitting over on the couch with Matt and Zack, and I was sitting with Rian and Vinny. Lisa had gone to see her parents for the night, since they were in town, and the rest of the guys had gone to see various friends or family.

I was pissed because I couldn’t sit with Jack, I couldn’t cuddle with Jack, and I couldn’t even talk to Jack. He was always in conversation with Zack. He was always touching Zack. I saw red every time I looked at them, so I had glued my eyes to the TV. You’d think it would be easy to keep your eyes focused on a giant flat screen TV, but it’s not.

There was a lull in everyone’s conversations at the same time as a commercial started. Matt put his hands behind his head and looked at me.

I was just about to take a drink of my coke when he popped the question.

“So, Alex, have you and Lisa thought of any baby names yet?”

I spit my drink out, all over me and Rian. My eyes burned red and my throat bubbled with fury.

“What’s the matter, Lex? It’s your baby; it’s a natural question to ask.” Matt said, his eyes cold. The bastard.

I narrowed my eyes. “What’s wrong is that I wanted a Dr.Pepper. But of course, like usual, Jack can’t do anything right. This is Coke. I’ll go get it myself.” I jumped to my feet, refusing to look at Jack. I didn’t have to look at him to hear the pathetic kicked-puppy sound that came from his mouth. Damn him, didn’t he realize that it was his fault I was in this situation?

Rian put his hand on my arm. “Calm down, Alex. It’s just a drink. I’ll go get you a –“

I cut him off. “No, no, thank you very much, Rian. I think I’m just going to go to bed. Goodnight.”

Rian frowned at me and looked at his watch. “But Lex, it’s only 9 and the game’s not even-“

“GOODNIGHT.”

The tone of my voice had booked no arguments and as I walked away, I could feel all five pairs of eyes on me. It was close to me turning around and flipping them off, but instead I walked calmly out of the room, even resisting the urge to slam the door shut.

I turned on my iPod. I didn’t really notice what was playing until one verse caught my attention.

We are an example of, why not to fall in love. It takes a turn and then it hurts, more than you could dream of. Well you’ve got nothing to lose, except for me and you.

I started singing the song, and didn’t hear the knock on the door. I noticed the shadow, though, and looked up to see Zack standing there hesitantly. It was obvious he wouldn’t come in unless he got some sort of invitation, so I pulled my earphones out and waved him in.

“Sit down, Zacky,” I said, trying to make my voice light and friendly.

He sat, and sighed, and leaned into me. “Alex, you’re being an asshole,” he finally said after a few minutes of silence.

That shocked me into laughter. And the laughter turned into hysterics, and then, hysterics turned into broken sobs that I just couldn’t control. Zack hugged me, and let me cry.

“Geeze, Alex, are you okay? I don’t get what’s going on?” Zack said when I was able to breathe again.

“Matt walked in on us. I wanted to just come clean but he threatened me and the band and Jack said that he wanted to pretend that we weren’t anything, and then I don’t know, Matt hates me, I can’t tell anyone else because Jack will be pissed off, but I need to know if other people accept it or not. I don’t fucking know what to do.”

Zack patted my hand. “I accept it. I’m sure the others would. I’m sure Matt will come around. Just give it time, Lex.”

I looked at him, my eyes lifeless. “I don’t have time, Zack. I’m going to have a baby, remember?!” I sniffled. “I know that I should be happy, that I should want this, but I don’t.”

He looked at me, sensing I wasn’t done. “Well, it’s the not that I don’t want the baby. I do. Just not when it involves having Lisa, too. I want me and Jack to raise it. But yeah, I can really see that, can’t you? Just picture the headlines now: ”Gay rockstar partiers get custody of prominent model’s new baby.” I made quotation marks with my fingers and sank into Zack. “Help me, Zack, tell me what to do.”

Zack looked at me sadly. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, Alex. This is one hell of a mess you’ve gotten into.”

Damn Zack. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, his words sure hit home.