I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

Dreams rarely play out the same way in real life as they do in your mind. Sometimes, they could be bigger and better. I’d certainly never dreamt that I would find this level of happiness, and certainly not with my best friend.

“Lex?” I asked softly. “Are you mad at me?”

He looked up at me, his eyes red from crying. “I don’t know, Jack, am I?” He mocked me.
“Alex. Please.” I said even more softly, reaching down to him. “I came here to say I’m sorry. Will you listen to me?”

He sat up. His hair was mussed and he looked undeniably gorgeous. I wanted to reach over and kiss him, but I knew that I owed him an explanation, first. I did lean towards him though, needing to feel him pressed against me. He opened his arms and let me lean against his chest. I could feel his heart beating against my shoulders.

“Alex, I’m an idiot,” I started.

“No, you’re not.” He interrupted. “Don’t call yourself that, I don’t like it.”

I smiled at this. “Sorry. But please, let me finish?” I looked at him, and he nodded his approval.

“Okay. The reason that I didn’t want to tell anyone else about us was because in doing that, it would be making things official, and I didn’t want anything to be official.” I could see the twin looks of hurt and confusion that mirrored the expressions from earlier when I’d told him I didn’t want to tell anyone. I rushed on. “The reason that I didn’t want things to be official is because I’m scared. I’m scared that we’re going to screw this up, I’m scared that I’m not good enough for you, I’m scared that later on down the line one of us will regret this and hate the other for the rest of his life. I don’t think I could live with that, Alex, I really couldn’t.”

His hands in my hair were really distracting. I lost myself in the sensation for a moment until I heard him start to speak.

“Jack, I can’t promise you that we won’t screw up, because I’m not willing to make a promise that I can’t keep and let’s face it, we’re humans, and we will always make mistakes. There is no way around that, there just isn’t.” he stopped for a few seconds and pressed his cheek against my forehead briefly. “But I can promise that you are good enough for me. You are more than good enough for me, you have always been. And I can promise you that I won’t regret this. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, and the only thing I regret is that I didn’t have the balls to tell you sooner.”

I snuggled into him. “I love you, Alex. I can promise you that, without any doubts. I won’t regret this either, because right now, I’d rather have you, and if it means waking up tomorrow and realizing something went wrong, at least I would know that for one night, we did something right.”

Alex hugged me really tightly just then. “Me, too. I love you, too, Jack, more than I ever thought I could love someone, and I feel the same way.”

My heart sang with happiness and I leaned up and kissed Alex gently. It wasn’t passionate, it wasn’t needy, it wasn’t a challenge, and it wasn’t anger-prompted like any of our other kisses. It was sweet and loving, and it changed everything between us.

I pulled away after a few minutes and looked at Alex. “If you want to tell everyone, we can go out there right now and tell them. I’m all for it, I don’t want to hide anything if it means making you unhappy.”

He pulled me even closer than I thought possible. “Even though you’re not quite comfortable with it yet?”

I hid a frown. “Even then. Besides, Zack already knew and I’m sure you know that Rian knows, so-“

Alex cut me off. “Ri knows? Since when?”

I frowned at him. “You didn’t tell him? I thought maybe you went to him for advice, or to have him talk to me, or just ranted at him and ended up telling him more than you meant to.”

Alex laughed. “Nope. Let’s face it, Jacky; you’re more likely to do that. I’m the silent sufferer, remember?”

I was puzzled for a minute. “If you didn’t tell him, than who –“

Alex cut me off at the same time that it dawned on me. “Zack.” We both said together, and then laughed.

Alex shook his head. “HUH. I never would have pegged him for the meddling type, but oh well. He couldn’t have made things any worse than me and you already did. And I guess Rian approves, so that helps, eh. I love those two so much. If I wasn’t in love with you, I would marry them.”

I laughed. “We could always get married, all four of us. Our fans would be happy, that’s for sure. They don’t want us belonging to any girls except them, but they’re perfectly happy with us all being together.”

Alex rolled his eyes heavenward. “Girls. Who understands them?”

“Girls. Who needs them?” I added. “I don’t. I have you.”

“Awww, so cute.” Alex teased. “But it all seriousness, I don’t either. I have you, Jack.”

The love burned so intensely between us that for a minute I didn’t speak.

“So,” I broke the silence. “Do you want to go tell everyone right now? Cause if so we better go before I lose my nerve.”

Alex smiled. “No. You were right, you know. I owe Lisa an explanation first, there’s no doubt about that. Also, we need to think of the fans, our friends, our families … I really think we should tell our families first, you know? And then the crew, so they can help up figure out how to break it to the fans. I can guarantee there will still be some that will be pissed to find out that their last names won’t be Barakat or Gaskarth anytime in the near future.”

I could see this being true. “Okay. But I can still sleep here with you tonight, right?”

Alex leaned into me. “You can stay with me anytime, Jack,” he whispered, and pulled me down into a sleeping position beside him.