I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

The pavement was hard and cold under my bare feet as I jumped the two steps that separated me from the road that was going to take me to find my Jack. My heart fluttered in my chest and I found it hard to breathe as I took off running in the first direction that I spotted – without even knowing if it was the right one.

All of the scenery that I loved so much blurred together as I rushed by. Street signs were but a reminder of how far I still had to go, the sidewalks were rapidly becoming the Indiana Speedway and cars headlights were glaringly bright as they stopped, sometimes mere inches from me, as I rushed on without even thinking of looking to see if it was safe.

I felt like I was going in circles. My feet moved before my mind even had a chance to think.

“Jack! Jack! Jack!” My voice was becoming hoarse from the number of times I’d cried out, and people were screaming at me to shut the fuck up, but as I got closer and closer, my voice grew more frantic and my cries more frequent.

Lisa’s phone call had brought out the caveman in me.



“ALEX!” Lisa’s voice tore into my soul before I’d even managed to answer the phone. Her voice was wild and something was so obviously terribly, terribly wrong.

“What is it, Lisa? What’s wrong?” I gasped out as I struggled to put on my shoes and jump into my jacket at the same time. I needed to go to Jack’s house – something was obviously so wrong with him, too. Was I living in a nightmare?

“He’s got Jack, Alex,” Lisa sobbed. “He’s got him.”

Every action ceased at once. Including the beating of my heart.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Lisa?” I snapped, my voice coming out 20 times more aggressive as worry merged with confusion.

Instead of an answer, I was met with more sobbing. I could hear her trying to form a proper sentence, but she couldn’t. My anger drained from my voice and I struggled to hold onto my patience as I tried to reason with her.

“Lisa, please tell me. I need to help Jack. You want me to help him, right?” I said in a voice that one would use on a child.

“He threatened to kill me, Alex.” The sheer terror in Lisa’s voice sent shivers racing up and down my back like nothing ever had. “Don’t let him hurt me, Alex. Please!” Her voice dropped to a whimper, and I wished I could be there to hug her and reassure her that nothing would hurt her, but I needed to find Jack.

“Who is he, Lisa? Tell me, and nothing will ever happen to you, I promise.” It was a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep; but if it got me Jack … I’d deal with the rest later.

“My ex. The baby’s father. Michael. He warned me … I didn’t listen. He’s going to hurt us all. He’s going to kill us and I won’t even get to meet Isobel. I’m so sorry, Alex, I’m so, so sorry.” Her voice broke and I knew I needed to get the information out of her before she became completely hysterical.

“Where are they, Lisa?”

“Thames Street, 23 Thames Stre- Alex … I don’t feel so good. I think I’m gonna –“ I heard a thump as the phone hit the floor. Then the line went dead.

The moment I’d gotten off the phone my brain had went into overdrive. I’d called an ambulance for Lisa, grabbed my coat, got a knife, and ran out the door.

And here I was.

Slowing down as I turned on to Thames Street, my breathing slowly returned to normal as my heartbeat raced even faster. The numbers on the houses seemed to glow before me, bold black objects torturing me as I walked down the street. Every house looked the same and every number looked the same as the one I’d just passed, sometimes so much that I had to backtrack and make sure that I hadn’t missed the number I was looking for.

Even though I was walking as fast as I dared (I didn’t want to run anymore, I was too scared that something would happen to Jack if I tipped anyone off, and this street was notorious for its busybodies) it still seemed like every step I took was dragging me further down into quicksand. My muscles felt slack and my head was strangely empty.

I tried to force my battered brain to think about what this unknown person could want with us. The only thing I could see that would motivate a person to this extent was cold, hard cash.
Finally, after an eternity, the glowing street numbers read 23. Twenty three. Vingt trois. Veintitrés. Drieëntwintig. All these numbers were floating around in my head and driving me mad that i couldn’t help but drop onto the porch and put my head between my knees for a few minutes. I didn’t hear him come up behind me.

He and Jack spoke at the same time.

Jack screamed my name. “Aleeeeexxx!”

Michael spoke so softly that I almost didn’t hear him. “Well, hello Gaskarth.”

I looked up. Jack was in the window of the house, whereas Michael was standing beside me, smirking. Jack started to cry and tried to erach out to me through the window. Michael looked at him with distaste and promptly reached in and slammed the window shut.

I could still hear Jack’s cries through the window and I felt my heart drop through my stomach.

:”That’s better, Gaskarth, don’t you think? We need to talk in private. I don’t know how you put up with him, to be honest. Lisa was hard enough. But then again, I guess, I just had to give it to Lisa and she’d shut up. I guess it works on the same principal with you and Barakat, right? You stick it to him and he rolls over, all happy?”

I glared at him. “He’s not a dog, Michael.”

The older man gasped in fake surprise. “You know my name! You haven’t been talking to Lisa, have you?” He then pretended to face palm himself. “Of course you have, how else would you be here? Naughty girl, that Lisa. Wait until I see her next …” His voice trailed off and he winked suggestively at me.

“You’re not getting anywhere near her, asshole!” I growled at him.

He looked at me in surprise, color flooding his cheeks. “Well now. Isn’t someone greedy? You can’t have both. Now, which one is it? The whiny bitch or the crying fag?”

My temper snapped. Before I knew what I was doing, I was flying through the air and knocking the older man down. My hands were all over his face, and my feet were viciously attacking his torso and upper thighs. I could hear him groaning underneath me and I could feel him shifting under me, attempting to roll me over so that he could pin me down.

I knew that I had to keep him from pinning me down because if he succeeded in doing that, I was dead meat. There was no question about that.

I heard the door open suddenly and looking up, I gave the moment of weakness that was needed to overthrow me. Before I knew what was happening, I was being thrown through the air, crashing down beside the window, pain making its way up and down my body. I struggled to get to my feet.

Jack pushed me down again. “Stay down, Alex, he’s got a gun.”

A gun? My mind went blank suddenly. We weren’t equipped to deal with a gun. Sure enough, the fat mans hands went into his pocket and pulled out a shiny revolver. I gulped, my hand instinctively reaching for Jack’s.

I spoke, my voice shaking. “Come on, Mike, there’s no need for this violence. I’m sure we can settle this like adults. I don’t have any money on me, but I’m sure I can get some and we can –“

I was cut off by the sound of something crashing. I looked up, startled, to see Mikes fist dripping blood as he pulled it out of the wall.

“You crossed a line, Gaskarth. You touched me, now, you pay.”

I felt my palms begin to shake. “Wha-what do you mean?”

“My girl’s here. She saw what you did to me. She didn’t like it. You scared her. I bet you made her cry. Nobody makes my Sammie cry. Now, either you or fag boy are going to pay.”

I did the only thing I could think of doing at that time. I grabbed Jack’s hand and pulled him into the house. We ran up the stairs and through the rooms before settling on the bathroom on the third floor as the safest place because it had a lock.

The moment the warm floor met our cold thighs, we came together in a fierce embrace. Tears were streaming down my cheeks.

“I thought I lost you,” I sobbed, my breath warm against Jack’s neck. “I thought … you have no idea what I thought on the way over here.” Tears splashed onto our joint hands and Jack kissed each tear drop away before hugging me back and running his hands through my hair.

He rained kisses all over me; his lips warm against my icy skin. His hands were everywhere at the same time and his heart beat along to the same rhythm that mine was taking. Our legs were intertwined and head nestled in his shoulder.

“We shouldn’t celebrate yet, Lexie,” he murmured in my ear. “He doesn’t intend for either of us to make it out of here alive.”

Chills doused the flames that had been spreading because of Jack’s touch. “Why not?”

Jack faced me with a sad smile. “He hates us, Alex. It’s as simple as that.”

My eyes watered. “He can’t hate you. You’ve never even done anything to him. I can get why he hates me, because I spoiled his plans with Lisa, but he can’t hate you. You’re so good, so pure, and so innocent in this situation. It’s unbelievable, I don’t understand people like this, and I can’t stand it. They make me want to puke; the world should be a forgiving place, not a place where someone’s judged by how much money they have or whether they like guys or girls, or worse of all, where someone else has to pay the consequences of loving the wrong person. Maybe you’re better off to not like me, Jack, I’m nothing but trouble, I-“

I was cut off my Jack’s lips on mine. The kiss was soft and sweet and I felt some of his strength and courage spill over into me. When he pulled away, his cheeks were wet.

“I don’t like, you Gaskarth,” he said with a ferocity that shocked me. “I LOVE YOU.”

My heart swelled. “I lo-“

I never did get to finish my train of thought, because with a sickening crunch, the bathroom door was wrenched open.

Mike stood there, his eyes glowing red. “Did I interrupt something, fags? Were you going to get it on in my bathroom? Just think, Gaskarth, up until your little girlfriend got knocked up, I was doing her in the exact same place. Doesn’t that turn you off?”

I didn’t have an answer for anything, so I kept my mouth shut. He kept talking.

“She never was that great in bed, so I don’t blame you for replacing her in that department. But why did you have to cut her off, Gaskarth? Couldn’t you have pretended to love her?”

I refused to meet his eyes.

“I know she was a whiny bitch, but you’re a rock star. You could have bought her anything in the world and she would have kept her mouth shut. But then again, I guess she wasn’t like that, was she? She never wanted anything that she didn’t work for. That’s why she didn’t want to string you along like this. She said it wasn’t the ‘right thing to do’.” His eyes were mean as he air quoted and mocked Lisa in a fake whiny voice.

“Alex doesn’t deserve that. Alex is a nice guy. Alex would see right through it, anyway. She really thought the world of you, didn’t she, Gaskarth?” He waited for an answer, and when he didn’t get one, he kicked me violently, and then backed up.

“She crossed the line when she suggested I wasn’t good enough to be the baby’s daddy, anyway. Said she’d rather have you. You know, she even wanted me to give up Sammie. She said I was corrupting her. But I showed her, didn’t I?” He backed even further up as he talked.

“I’m going to have it all and she’s going to have nothing. She’s going to regret ever giving me up, when I ruin you, Gaskarth.”

It happened so fast that neither one of us could stop it. Taking another step back, he suddenly lost his balance and went toppling over the edge of the window sill of the open window behind us. For a moment, his eyes held such wild panic that both Jack and I jumped to our feet and made to grab him, but it was too late.

We hurtled down the stairs and out the door. It had started to rain. The broken man lay there in a broken heap. There was no blood, but there was also no life. Where there had once been anger, there was serenity. Where there had once been danger, we were now safe.

A child’s voice stopped the relief I felt quicker than a freight train.

“What’s wrong with my daddy?”

A little girl, spitting image of Mike, stood there quietly on the side, clutching a tattered teddy bear in her arms. She wore all pink and a sparkly necklace hanging loosely from her neck spelled the word “Sammie” in roughened letters.

All the life drained out of me as we stood facing this little girl.

It was finally Jack that spoke.

“Your daddy was sick, honey. He’s in a better place now.”

Maybe it was his words, maybe it was his voice, but Jack’s answer sent the little girl scrambling into our arms.

“My daddy is a bad, bad man,” she sobbed. “I don’t want him to hurt me.”

My eyes grew heavier even more as I watched this vulnerable piece of life braking in front of us. Watching the loss of a child’s innocence was like watching an injured puppy trying to play with it’s siblings – it tore you apart.

“He won’t hurt you, sweetie. I promise.”

With baby brown eyes and a childish trust, she nodded her head to show that she believed me.

Her, Jack, and I stayed like that, kneeled down on the ground facing the other way of the body, in a half circle with the little girl inside as if to protect her, as the rain poured down around us and the sirens wailed. It wasn’t long before flashing lights accompanied those screaming sirens.

The yells of the cops couldn’t even shake us. We were too numb.

My last thought of the night was of before being loaded into the ambulance.

I looked over at Jack. “I never got to answer you earlier,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you I love you, too.”

His eyes were black as he looked at me. “Well, obviously. I’m Jack Barakat!”

His hand covered mine as I gave in to the fatigue and passed out.