I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

A few days had passed since the incident with Alex and I really wish that I could say that things were going good.

I mean things with me and Alex were fine. We got along better than ever. I think it was something to do with the fact that we both realized how much we meant to each other and we weren’t afraid to admit it. We even had opened up more to each other. Who could still keep secrets after what had happened between us?

Except, I was keeping a secret from Alex. I figured it was for the best. I didn’t want to cause anymore problems and if I opened up and told him what had been going on for the last few days, it would be drama city aboard this tiny little tour bus.

Also … I didn’t want to admit this, but telling Alex what had been happening between me and Lisa would mean admitting that I was starting to question how I felt about Alex. Don’t get me wrong, he is and always will be my best friend. But … lately … he’d felt like more. And Lisa wasn’t helping.

Earlier that day

I walked into my bunk and saw a note lying on my pillow. I cringed, instantly knowing that it was from her. Ugh. I didn’t even want to say her name.

Sure enough, I opened it to find a little note from Lisa.

I know you like Alex as more than a friend. Everyone else will know, too, if you don’t do us all a favor and just disappear.

I crumpled the note up and threw it at the wall. Of course, being paper, it didn’t even make a sound as it hit the wall and it fell limply to the floor. This just increased my anger. I grabbed a sweater and marched off the bus. I had to have some privacy to sit and sort things out.

I ended up on a bench in an empty little park about 20 minutes from the bus. I had turned my phone off because I didn’t want to be found. If they wanted to go ahead and leave without me, they could. At least I wouldn’t have to put up with Lisa anymore.

Thoughts flooded my mind faster than I could pause them and sort them. They were all of Alex. Different memories from the time we’d started the band until now. Most prominent were the things that had happened over the last few days; namely, the two incidents with Alex. The first time, when we’d kissed. I had dismissed that when it had happened because it was stupid and silly and I mean we’d kissed onstage and stuff before. But after the second incident, I realized that maybe I was right in thinking there was more to the kiss than that.

The second incident. I was embarrassed to think about it. I knew that I had crossed a line when I had done that with Alex, but it was too late to go back and erase it. It was obvious by the way he’d panicked the next morning that he didn’t feel anything but friendship towards me, and something told me I was smart to have dismissed it as quickly and easily as I had. I needed time to sort out my feelings for him before I even began to take into consideration his feelings for me.

I thought about Alex a lot lately. His hair, his eyes, his smile, his lips, his hands. It was like he was everywhere I went. I’d never bothered to keep it a secret that I enjoyed both girls and guys, but I never thought that being attracted to guys would cause problems in my relationship with my best friends. I didn’t feel this way for any of the other guys. Why Alex?

I was frustrated. Sexually, emotionally, physically frustrated. With a sigh I kicked a big rock towards the swings and growled when it didn’t go anywhere.

“Woah there buddy, we can’t afford to have our lead guitarist break his foot, now can we?”

Alex stood beside me, with her on his arm, a playful expression on his face. I fought back the urge to scream and instead faked a smile.

“Hey, Alex. L-Lisa.”

“Vinny told us he saw you headed this direction. I’ve been trying to call you but your phone must be dead again or something, don’t you ever charge that thing?”

When Jack just looked at him with a vacant look on his face, Alex looked concerned. “Are you okay? Vinny also said that you looked … pissed or something, but I told him he must have been imagining thigns. You seemed fine this morning. Has anything happened since then?”

I made the mistake of looking at Lisa just then. Her eyes were cool and evil and a sly smirk crossed her face. I opened my mouth to tell Alex that yes, something was in fact wrong, when she made a cheerful death symbol at me, and then waved.

I closed my mouth again and then spoke. “I’m just tired. Haven’t slept well lately, is all.”

Alex looked at my wryly. “Too much partying, huh. We’ll tell Mattie and the boys to keep it down tonight, I think we could all use some sleep.”

“So, the reason we followed you out here is to see if you wanted to come hang out with us in town. We’re going to grab a snack, maybe see a movie or go bowling or something. You down?” Alex continued. “We’ll make it an early night, if you want.”

I looked at Lisa. She was outright glaring at me. “We as in you and Lisa? Nah, I don’t think so bro, I don’t want to intrude.”

Alex flashed a grin. “It’s not intruding, we like your company. Right, Lis?”

Lisa didn’t seem to share his opinion. “Sure. He said no, though, so can we please go Lex? I’m starving.”

I almost started laughing at this one. Lisa, hungry? She never even ate when the rest of us were around. She was literally a fucking twig. She looked twelve. I bet I could satisfy Alex better than she could. I nipped my train of thought in the bud before it could go anywhere that I didn’t want it to go. Damn dirty mind.

Alex looked a little uncomfortable and I realized me and Lisa were staring at each other with heated expressions on our faces I forced myself to relax and smiled at the two.

“I’ll see you around. I might go hang out somewhere, see if anyone around here wants to chill. Have fun, aight?”

Alex laughed at my attempt to be gangster and pulled away from Lisa and hugged me. “Love you, kiddo. Don’t get into any trouble.”

I laughed at this and smiled until they were out of sight. Then, the smile melted and I resumed the kicking of the big black rock.