I'll Always Remember You

I checked my appearance for a final in the mirror of my car. I adjusted a few strands of my chocolate brown hair to fall away from my face. I covered my lips a light shade of a shimmery lipgloss and rubbed them together. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time before returning it to its original position.

“Here I go.” I said to myself as my hand reached to the side of me and lightly pressed on the button to release my seatbelt from fastening me in. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the car door. My feet lightly hit the ground in front of me and I stood up facing the house I have shared so many memories with and it hasn’t changed a bit.

The house still had the same greenery planted in front. White daisies were in the flower boxes, the grass was perfectly groomed revealing the grey stone walkway that led to the red front door with a black knocker.

My feet lead the way to the front steps were I shared my first kiss with Justin. At this point I felt as if I had no control over my body. My shaking finger reached ahead of me and pressed against the doorbell signaling that someone was at the door.

I heard some familiar voices behind the big red door before it opened to reveal Pattie Mallette standing there.

“Claire?” She asked staring at me in disbelief.

I was speechless, so I just nodded with tears glassing over in my eyes.

“I can’t believe its you!” Pattie exclaimed embracing me in a hug as we both shed tears onto each others shoulders. “You know there is never a day where Justin doesn’t say how badly he messed with you and he regrets it everyday of his life?”

“I miss him.” I cried onto Pattie’s shoulder. “I wish he hadn’t done what he did, I believe that we would still be together, I wanted to be with him Pattie! I wish I could be by his side right now, I just want to go back to when we were together! I wish he never got sick! I wish I let him explain himself!” I cried onto Pattie’s shoulder still standing at the door.

“Sweetie, its okay. God makes this all happen for a reason. It might not be exactly what we want but the big guy has a master plan out there and this is apart of it. God has a set path for everyone and the merge again in the weirdest ways but that is how God wants it to go. You can’t fight against him because in the end the right thing isn’t going to happen, its going to be the opposite of what you want it to be.” She told be while rubbing small circles on my back to comfort me.

“Can I see him?” I asked Pattie quietly.

“Of course honey.” She replied sweetly.

I nodded before making my way up to Justin’s room. Somethings never change, one being his door decorations. It was covered in do not enter signs and one stood out in particular.

Claire Was Here on 12/12/11

Way to go Justin, you haven’t taken down a piece of paper taped to your door in over twenty years. To be honest, that worries me to see what his room looks like on the other side of this door.

My hand gripped the silver door knob and began to twist it down. Millions of thoughts began to rush through my head in the seconds it took to twist the door knob down. Thoughts like what if I see Justin and he looks too sick and I won’t be able to handle it. What if he doesn’t remember me!? What if he throws up on me? I really don’t handle throw up well.

While silently panicking I did not realize that I had opened the door fully and I was standing there like an idiot with my hand on the door knob. After making that realization I was speechless at the sight of the sick and dying Justin who was limb on his bed.

“Claire?” Justin said in between coughs. His voice was soft and raspy. “Baby.” He said after I didn’t reply to my name being called by the previous love of my life.

“Yes?” I managed to sniffle out while tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Come here.” Justin stated while weakly moving his hand to signal that he wanted me to sit next to him.

I rushed to his side and looked into his deep brown eyes. They seemed so dull, as if Justin had nothing left in him any more. “Justin.” I cried into the side of the bed.

“Baby its okay.” He mumbled while trying to move his hand to hold mine. I noticed his attempt and helped him by giving him my hands. “I’m sorry,” He said simply while I continuously cried my eyes out.

I had no words. no matter what I would try to mutter to Justin, nothing would come out. I wanted to say a million different things to him but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, physically or mentally.

“How’s Chaz?” Justin asked softly. Ever since he found out that Chaz and I were engaged he hasn’t talked to him. I feel horribly that I caused them to loose their best friend. This whole experience has led me to believe that I am probably one of the worlds’ biggest bitch.

Even then I couldn’t respond to Justin’s question. I simply nodded and let a few more tear drops fall. At that moment where Justin’s eyes began to glass over and he tightened his grip on my hand, I decided that I want to relive the past. I want to take everything back. I want everything to go back to the way it was before all this mess. I want Justin to not be sick, I wish I let him explain himself that day, I just want to be fifteen again!

“Justin,” I cried, “I-i-I mi-lo-love you.” I confessed between sobbing tears.

I cannot believe that I just blurted that out. I mentally yelled at myself while I tried to stop the tears that kept streaming down my face.

“I-I think its time for me to go now.” I said while slowly pushing myself up from my sitting position next to the bed.

However, before I could fully stand up I felt a pair of hands grab my hips and pull me back down. Before I can process anything, Justin lightly put his lips against mine for a meaningful kiss. Which that was. My first kiss with Justin since that day, and all I can say is.

wow