I Know You Want Me

Welcome home, sure. Even though I was home, something I had wanted since I was forced to leave, I wasn’t the same and I knew that I would never fully measure up to the lost potential, the lost connection or memories.

Falling onto the couch I watched as my sister hung up the phone after ordering some dinner.

Even though I would look around the room studying my sister’s friends my eyes always wandered back to Matt. Having not seen him in forever I was stunned by the difference he
had increased in size. It wasn’t a size I ever thought he would get too.

His dimples however, were exactly how I remembered them.

Looking up at the person waving their hand in front of my face, I offered a small smile to my sister as she grinned all knowingly down at me.

“What – I don’t even know where to start! Tell me everything,” sitting down beside me she pulled her knees up to her chest as everyone turned to look at us.

“There’s a lot to tell, I don’t know if you will like all of it but if that’s what you want then I guess I could tell you everything,” I still had my hoodie on so my bandages were covered and I planned on keeping it like that until I could take them off; hell maybe even longer than that.

Nodding her head enthusiastically, she cocked her head to side resting it against the couch as she watched me. “Start at the beginning”

The beginning, before my downfall it is. “Things were ok for the first couple weeks and then I found out he was sending me to St. Margaret’s, a catholic boarding school; all girls so I kind of became a loner I guess and I suppose you could say a nerd, I got my work done and some but then when I went home for the summer Dad was dating again and I didn’t fit there either so I guess I became anti-social. Anyways nothing really interesting until Dad got re-married and Catherine got pregnant.”

Rolling my eyes at her look of dissatisfaction, I wasn’t surprised at all when she looked at me waiting for me to continue but luckily I was saved by the doorbell. “When I get back, you are telling me exactly what you are hiding,” skipping off to the door I sighed in relief. Not if I
had anything to say about that.

“Yes, you will tell everything you are hiding dahling. Sex life included,” swatting his hand in a very british posh manner, Jimmy as I had been introduced to him batted his lashes at me. “I simply need all the dirty details.”

It started as giggles and suddenly I was falling off the couch laughing until my sides hurt. I hadn’t laughed like this since Matt, myself and Hope had had our annual almost end of summer sleepover five years ago.

“What the hell did you do Jimmy; attack her with a feather duster?” holding onto the pizza boxes, Hope stood staring down at me as the four guys watching us.

Stifling my next round of laughter, I held up my hands and wasn’t surprised when Matt grabbed them pulling me to my feet. Nodding my thanks, I turned to my sister as she dropped the pizza on the table and stared down the guys in a very clear warning.

“Give me a hand with drink Faith,” looking up at Matt, I nodded my head as Hope started handing out plates. Following Matt’s broad back into the kitchen I went to the fridge and grabbed the cream soda while he grabbed the cups. It didn’t take long but soon I was turning back to the living room only to have Matt step in front of me. “Don’t mind Jimmy he’s a little weird if he offends you say the word, it’s not actually like he tries too, and he just doesn’t know when to stop being himself.”

“Thanks for the heads up Matt,” moving to go around him, I looked up again when he wouldn’t let me. “What do you want to warn me about Zack and Brian too?”

Shaking his head he chuckled, “Nah, I just wanted to say welcome back and it’s really good to see you again,” before I could say anything Matt had turned and wandered back to the living room.

Somehow, I didn’t think I was going to get away with vague answers but I also wasn’t sure what I could tell them considering I don’t really know them anymore and at all. What was I going to say to them, because frankly I had no thoughts?