Changed Directions

Quinn's eyes blinked open, her brain taking a moment to realize that she was in Rachel's bedroom, her arms wrapped around said woman. It took another minute for her to remember the events that had occurred earlier in the day. The blonde winced at her lack of control and tact, and at the fact that she had hurt her girlfriend, who was already in immense psychological pain.

She tensed as she felt Rachel begin to shake in her arms. The club owner was mumbling to herself, growing louder at each convulsion.

"Alexis… too dangerous… No… wait… Alex!" Rachel shot up, breathing heavily. A tear rolled down her left cheek. Quinn sat up, wrapping her arms more tightly around her lover.

"Shh… Baby, breathe." She pulled Rachel's head against her chest, laying a lingering kiss on the brunette's forehead.

"I was leading the mission we were on." Rachel's voice was hoarse from crying and she spoke as if in a trance. "We were guarding a supply base in Khost, Afghanistan when a guerilla group attacked us." She shuddered. "They shot our sentry guards down before we even got wind of them being there. I ordered them to duck and cover, sniping if they could; but I told them if it was a choice between their lives and protecting the base, they would get the hell out of there. Alex was… She was a hot headed person with a bad family background. Our group was the closest she got to a real familial relationship. Losing those sentries, our friends, it caused her to snap. She ignored the escape order and continued trying to take them out. I couldn't leave her; she was my first and closest friend. I was the first person to meet Sarah when they started dating, and Alex came to me for advice when she wanted to propose. I was gonna be her best man- woman…" She gave a low chuckle that changed into a quiet sob. "I ran after her when I saw the first bullet knock into her arm. That's when I got hit in the leg. She was knocked off her feet by a bullet to the chest before I could reach her." Another series of sobs shook the brunette, and tears rolled down Quinn's cheeks from the pain radiating from the woman in her arms. "I was shot in the stomach just as I reached her, and passed out from pain and blood loss. If it weren't for the back-up soldiers arriving, I'd either be dead or a prisoner of war. Alexis and eleven other of my soldiers died that day. Sometimes, I wish I could take their place. I'd willingly have died if they could live to see their families and loved ones again."

Quinn felt a shudder wrack her body at the thought of Rachel dying. She felt the woman shift in her arms and saw her run a finger along her right arm, tracing what looked like words. Lightly latching onto Rachel's wrist, she turned the arm over, palm up. A sharp breath tore from her lungs as she saw bright white scars stand out against Rachel's tan skin. They formed a sentence. 'It should've been me.'

Tears flowed faster down the blonde's cheeks as she pulled Rachel into her lap and as close as physically possible to her body. Burying her face in her girlfriend's neck, she whispered out, "Rach, when-" She couldn't even finish the question before she choked up.

"Four days after the funeral." Rachel stated. "When I got back to my apartment, I closed myself off from everyone. Locked the door and wouldn't leave. I spent most of my time in a corner of my bedroom, trying to shut out the memories. I could hardly eat and barely slept, the images and sounds just wouldn't shut up. I shattered my mirror when it became too much, it cut my hand up really badly. That's when I carved those words into my arm." Quinn traced a finger over the scars. "Apparently Kurt was coming to try and coax me out of the building when he heard the glass break. He'd always had an emergency key, and he broke down the door to my room when he found it locked. He called 911 and also punched me in the face. He said something along the lines of, 'By god, Rachel Berry, if you scare me like this ever again I will kill you myself.'" Quinn snorted out a slight laugh mixed with a sob. "Needless to say, he watched me like a hawk. Fought tooth and nail to drag me out of the dark cell in my head that I had locked myself in and pushed me into the living world again. He's how I found this building. Dragged me out for a walk, and we wandered past this half abandoned place. Something just clicked when I saw the place, and I ran with the inspiration. The concentration and work it took to create and run Changed Directions took my mind away from the past, but I still get nightmares, especially around this day and tomorrow; Alexis' birth and death dates."

"God, Rachel." Quinn said, head still resting against her girlfriend's neck and shoulder. "I wish I could take the pain away, I wish I could do something to help you."

Rachel shook her dead, a small smile spreading across her face. She pulled away, turning in Quinn's arms in order to wrap her own arms around the blonde's neck. "You already have, Quinn. You've made me happier in this past month than I've been in years. The nightmares have been fewer too. You're like this ray of sunshine that's warming my soul. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

Quinn could only see love and sincerity shining in Rachel's eyes. Leaning forward, she pressed their lips together, slowly slipping her tongue into her lover's mouth and sliding it along Rachel's. Neither woman fought for dominance, simply losing themselves in the sensual kiss. Pulling away, Quinn stared deeply into the chocolate eyes in front of her. "I am the lucky one, Rae."

Rachel shook her head again, another smile tugging at her lips. "I love you, Quinn Fabray."

"I love you too, Rachel Berry."