Making a Memory

I danced around my kitchen a little as I cooked, my eyes every so often flicking up to the clock on the wall before going back to whatever it was that I was doing at that point. I grabbed up a knife and chopped some onions before adding them to the sauce I was making for the spaghetti I was doing for tonight. I couldn’t hide the smile that had all but been permanently attached to my lips for the last four months.

God...four months...

I couldn’t believe that I’d been seeing him for that long. I couldn’t believe that he had even started seeing me as it was, let alone put up with my stupidity. He said he found it endearing. I thought he must have been insane.

I was a stubborn shit. I drank too much more often than not when we went out, and I was not a quiet drunk. I got into fights. I swore like a sailor.

Yet he wanted me. After all those guys who had just screwed me and then left me, after all those guys who told me that I was just like one of the boys. Yet he stuck with me. He told me that he liked how feisty I was and that he liked that I could be a bit of a handful sometimes. But he knew that that wasn’t just who I was. He had taken the time to find out that there was a softer side to me, a more vulnerable side to me and he said that he loved being able to protect me. That he liked knowing that as independent as I seemed, there were always moments that I would need him to tell me that everything would be okay and that he got to keep me safe from all the shit that happened in the outside world.

Despite some of my slightly less ladylike qualities, he made me feel like a girl through and through.

And tonight was our date night, something that we had decided to do every Friday because then we knew that regardless of how busy our schedules were that we would still see each other every week.

I ran my fingers through my hair and turned the heat under the sauce on low, knowing that he would be here in a few minutes and I would just have to cook the pasta. With that only taking a few minutes I wasn’t going to put it on until he got here.

I took a deep breath and adjusted the bow at my bust that kept the top of my cardigan done up. Satisfied that it was no longer slipping, I made my way through to the dining room, making sure that everything was as I wanted it. I crouched down in front of the liquor cabinet and searched for a bottle or two of wine, smiling as my fingers clasped the necks of two bottles and brought them out of the cupboard. I rose to my feet and placed them on the table before glancing to the door as I heard my doorbell ring.

Excitement flooded my veins as I made my way to the front door, butterflies already fluttering at a fast pace in my stomach as feelings stirred in my stomach. I chewed at my lip a little as I thought about these feelings that I kept getting around him. I knew exactly what they were, what they were telling me but I didn’t want to air them. We’d only been together for four months. It was too early to be revealing something like that.

Shaking those thoughts from my head I pulled open the door with a genuine smile on my face, my heart stopping for a moment as I took in the beautiful man in front of me. My eyes moved down to his feet before moving up his body, biting down on my bottom lip as I took in his jeans and then the rather comfy looking hoodie he was wearing, a smile on his gorgeous lips and his stunning dark eyes full of mischief.

I giggled as he went a little cross-eyed as a piece of his hair fell across his forehead. I reached up and brushed it of the way, running my fingers through his hair as his hands fell to my waist and pulled me towards him. My eyes fluttered closed as his lips met mine gently, brushing against them a couple of times before he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

“Bonjour, jolie.”

I grinned, a slight blush fluttering across my cheeks. “Bonjour.”

Kris kissed me once more before letting me go so I could step back into my house and let him in too. I closed the front door and just looked at the man standing in front of me again, taking in his cute butt as he walked towards the kitchen, his face angled up a little and I knew that he was taking in the smells that had permeated my house in the last hour or so.

“Something smells so good,” he murmured, making me laugh quietly as he disappeared into the kitchen.

I shook my head slightly and followed after him, bending over for a second to pull up my boot as it slouched a little uncomfortably. I loved the fact that I didn’t have to dress up in order to impress Kris. He always said he preferred it when I looked comfy rather than like I had spent hours picking out an outfit. Not that this meant I still didn’t want to look nice for him, it just meant that it was a lot easier than it would have been with other guys.

I walked into the kitchen and sidled up beside him, smiling as his arm instantly wrapped around my shoulders. I snuggled into his side a little and took a deep breath, inhaling his cologne as he moved forward a little and peeked into the pan that had the sauce still bubbling gently away in it.

“How did practice go today?” I asked, having always loved hockey.

Kris loved that I was genuinely interested in what he did and always found it hilarious when Raychel, Lyndsey and I would get so heated over games.

I frowned a little as I felt Kris bristle slightly at my question, his body tensing for a moment and I would have missed it had I not been standing so close to him and had his arm not been around me still.

“You okay love?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, his tone a little sharp.

I bit down on my lip and moved out of his hold, looking up at him as he looked down at me, his eyebrows raised a little bit.

“Are you sure?”

Kris nodded before skirting around me and going to my fridge, opening it up and helping himself to a beer. This didn’t bother me at all. I always encouraged him to feel at home in my house. What did bother me was that I knew he was lying to me and the stubborn side of me didn’t want to leave it alone. Whenever I knew someone I cared about wasn’t happy, it always made me worry.

“Kris,” I sighed, turning the heat off under the sauce before turning to face him again, my arms crossing under my bust. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he insisted, taking a long glug of his beer.

He paused as he realised that I was just staring at him and shrugged.

“What?”

“Did something happen at practice?” I wagered as I walked over to him, assuming something did since it was the mention of practice that made his mood turn a little.

I saw his eyes darken a little before he moved his gaze away from me and took another swig from his bottle.

“Kris,” I started but was cut off by him and a little angrily at that.

“Taylor, just leave it,” he practically growled. “Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.”

I stared at him again before shaking my head. “Bullshit.”

I watched his chest heave as he took a deep breath, obviously trying not to lose his temper at me calling him out on his lies.

“Kris, if you were fine then why did you bristle at my question earlier?”

“Nothing ‘appened,” he muttered, shaking his head.

I frowned again, not liking the fact that he was closing this off from me. For the last four months, we had shared practically everything. Everything about our pasts. Everything about our dreams. Everything about our emotions. Literally everything. And that had been a big deal for me. I’m not the most open of people but Kris had made me feel so safe and protected and I knew that I could trust him, so I had just let everything pour out. I had told him my insecurities. I had told him my dreams. I’d even told him that when I’m ill I still like to sleep with a stuffed giraffe that my granddad had bought me when I was a baby.

Granted the stuffing was a bit worn out, so much so that the neck didn’t stay up anymore and its head kind of drooped down quite a lot but...

...I was getting off track.

“Kris, you usually tell me anything.”

“That doesn’t mean everything,” he countered.

“So there is something to tell then,” I replied, watching as Kris shook his head. “Kris, just...”

“Just what Taylor? Nothing ‘appened,” he insisted again but I still didn’t believe him. “It was just a long and stressful practice. Nothing ‘appened out of the ordinary. I am fine.”

“No you’re...”

“Just leave it Taylor,” he snapped and I took a deep breath, feeling momentarily stunned that he had used that tone with me.

I let out a long breath and shook my head, not wanting to have an argument but knowing that I would if we carried on with this evening. I was a stubborn shit, I knew I was, but was it really a bad thing to be worried when the guy you are seeing is so obviously bothered by something that had happened during the day?

“Fine,” I replied, my tone just as sharp as his. “Then you can leave too.”

Kris frowned as it sunk in what I had said, my eyebrows raising as I waited for him to leave my house like I had just told him.

“If you don’t want me asking you what is wrong, if you don’t want me worrying because there is something so fucking obviously bothering you, then you can leave my house and you won’t have to hear me bother with caring about you.”

“I’m not leaving...”

“Fine, I will,” I grunted and pushed past him, grabbing up my jacket from the bottom of the stairs and harshly pulling it on.

“Taylor,” Kris sighed.

“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head as I glanced at him, shrugging my shoulders a little in a bid to get my jacket to sit comfortable over my cardigan. “I don’t want to argue with you Kris. So I’m not going to and if I have to leave so that argument doesn’t happen, then so be it.”

“You’re going to leave you’re on ‘ouse?”

I nodded. “If that’s what it takes.”

Kris just stared at me for a second, obviously not believing that I was about to leave my own house just to avoid an argument.

“You’re really going to leave?”

“Yes,” I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, one of them falling down to my necklace and fiddling with the pendent. “Kris, I...I really like you but I can’t...if you’re not willing to talk to me about your problems then I can’t see how...I tell you everything. I tell you what’s bothering me when I’m a little down and I love the fact that you will do your hardest to make me smile again. And it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard to let my guard down but I do. I do because I care about you and I want this to work. I want us to work. But it’s not going to if you don’t let your guard down.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, as fucking selfish as this sounds, that I want,” I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. “No I need more from you Kris. I need to be let in. Not just a little bit like you have been doing. I need to be let in all the way. I need all or nothing Kris. It’s your choice.”

Once again he just stared at me and I took a deep breath, the butterflies in my stomach from earlier seeming to nose dive down and making me feel a little sick. If he wasn’t going to answer me then I would take it as I would be getting nothing. And nothing meant no relationship.

I could feel tears prick at my eyes as I waited a little bit longer for him to answer me, just wanting him say something. I needed something but the longer I waited, the more I knew I wasn’t going to get anything.

“Be gone before I get back,” I muttered sadly, turning away from him as a tear fell down my cheek.

I walked over to my door, my hand reaching up to brush the tear away as I opened my front door. I had one foot out the door before Kris finally spoke up, his words making me freeze in my spot as my heart began to race so fast that I momentarily worried about it failing.

“Please don’t go,” he practically whispered. “Please stay...I love you.”

I slowly turned around, my hand still on my door as I looked over at Kris, finding that he was now sitting down on the bottom step of my stairs, his head in his hands as his shoulders moved with a deep breath he took.

“Really?” I asked quietly, biting down on my lip, not believing that he had really said what he had.

If it wasn’t for me staring at him intently, I wouldn’t have seen him nod into his hands, but I was and I did. I saw him nod. I felt tears begin to build up again as I pushed my front door closed, my hand staying on the handle as Kris’ head snapped up. A little bit of happiness shot through his eyes when he saw that I was still here, though as he noticed my hand still on the door the happiness wavered.

“I mean it,” he insisted. “I really do. I love you so much Taylor, it ‘urts sometimes.”

I blinked, a few tears tracking down my cheeks as I let myself slide down my front door, my hand no longer holding the handle.

“I don’t want you to leave. I want it all too I just...it’s ‘ard to be open with what I’m thinking and what I’m thinking. But I do want that with you. I want there to be an us too. I want us to be making memories for the rest of our lives together.”

I swallowed and stared at the man in front of me, watching as he hesitantly pushed himself to his feet before walking towards me slowly.

“Taylor, say something.”

I frowned as those damn butterflies from earlier were resurrected and they began fluttering in my stomach even more frantically than they had been before. But this time they were a bit more sure; I was a bit more sure.

“I love you too,” I finally voiced, raising my gaze to meet Kris’ as he froze a couple of feet in front of me.

Slowly a grin crept across Kris’ features, his eyes lighting up as he took a deep breath.

“Really?” He asked and I nodded, giggling as he crossed the few feet between us and crouched down in front of me. “You really mean it?”

I nodded once more, biting down on my lip as I put my hands on his knees.

“Je t’aime,” I whispered, leaning closer and brushing my lips to his. “But I meant it before. You need to let me in.”

Kris nodded quickly, making me smile as he rose to his feet, pulling me to mine.

“I love your smile,” he commented. “And it was just a tough practice. Nothing ‘appened. It was just long and tiring. I don’t think anyone was really into practicing today and everyone was getting frustrated. All I wanted to do was get it over and done with so I could come ‘ere and see you.”

“Aren’t you a charmer?” I chuckled, running my fingers through his hair as he pulled me closer to him.

Kris smiled, looking a little proud of himself, and ducked his head down to kiss me again. I relaxed under his touch and kissed back gently, wishing that this moment would last forever.

“This is one of the memories,” Kris muttered as he pulled away a little.

“Huh?” I frowned, not understanding what he was talking about.

“We should be making memories together,” he chuckled, brushing a thumb along my jaw line. “And this is one of them.”

I smiled and leant up to kiss him again. “Come on. I need to finish our dinner before it spoils.”

“Or,” he suggested with a slightly wicked grin, tugging my hips closer to his. “We could skip dinner and then later order take out.”

I let him kiss me again, almost wanting to say ‘screw dinner’ but I had worked hard to make our dinner nice, so we were going to eat it.

“I slaved over a hot oven all day for you and you want to skip dinner?” I asked, pulling away from him completely, grabbing up his hand and taking him into the kitchen with me. “Hell fucking no. We are eating this dinner and then...”

I trailed off, biting down on my lip as I turned the heat back on under the sauce and started up the gas ring under the saucepan of water I had ready for the pasta.

“And then?” He questioned lowly, standing behind me and pulling me back against his body.

“And then,” I replied, tilting my head back and to the side slightly so I could look up at him with a small smirk. “We can work off dinner.”

Kris grinned and leant down, catching me in another kiss, one that I was happy to indulge in whilst I waited for the water to boil.

Though this night hadn’t started out as perfect as I had hoped, this date of ours turned out to be one of my favourite memories. Our friends find it hilarious that the only way for the both of us to stop being scared and finally man up to tell each other how we felt was to have a bit of a fight beforehand. But I didn’t care what they thought.

I thought it was perfect.