Telescope Eyes

“There’s a play place in the back as well, someone will always be watching as to make sure no one gets hurt of course, and then back here,” the woman spoke, leading her to a dark room with small purple mats laying around the floor, “is where nap time is. Boys over there, girls on the other side.”

Micah nodded her head and looked around the Sunrises and Smiles Daycare Center, squeezing her son’s hand gently, “It looks amazing.”

Samantha, the owner, smiled, “We’ve never had anyone seriously hurt, complain, or leave. The children are extremely friendly and well behaved; it’s overall a great environment for kids.”

She squatted down and held her baby boy’s face in her hands. “Are you going to be okay, Colton?”

Colton giggled and kissed her lips sweetly, “I’m a big boy Mama!”

Micah gathered the small boy in her arms and hugged him tightly, closing her eyes and taking in his scent. She felt tears welling behind her lips and she wiped at them as she stood up, receiving a sympathetic grin from Samantha. “So, do I just give him a kiss and go then?”

The aged red aged smiled, “That’s typically the idea. Micah, it’s hard for every mother trust me. First daycare then the next day college, I understand, my youngest leaves in a month.”

She shook her head in disbelief and stared down at her four year old. It was weird, it literally felt like just yesterday she was reading the pink stick that said she was pregnant. And now, she was sending him off to daycare…by himself, without her. Soon, she’d be sending him to college as well.

Micah took a deep breath before squatting down to Colton’s level, “I’ll pick you up as soon as I get off work okay? Tell Mrs. Brown if you need me and I will come get you, okay baby?”

The little boy nodded his head before placing his hands on either side of her face and giving her a big kiss, “I love you Mommy.”

She closed her eyes and tried not to cry, “I love you too, munchkin.”

She watched as he ran off to the playground, instantly walking up to a little girl and asking if he could play with her. She walked out of the center and made it all the way to her car, crying as she leaned against the steering wheel. He was already growing up and it scared her.

Soon he’d be in high school; dating, drinking…it was all too much. She didn’t want to think of these things that she hoped would be able to experience some day. She wanted him to experience them, but she also wanted him to stay her baby forever.

“Table three is yours,” Reagan mumbled, raking a hand through her messy brown curls. “Seriously, what is up that guy’s ass?”

Micah looked over to the table where a usual customer was sitting, the same one Stephen had warned her about on her first day of work. He honestly wasn’t that bad on her first day, just straight to the point. The next time he was more grouchy, mumbling his order and getting upset at her for taking more than two minutes to bring it to him.

But she honestly didn’t think he was as bad as everyone made him seem.

Micah walked up to the aged man. His black hair was turning grey at the roots and his brown eyes looked exhausted. He was wearing all black and he had a thin gold chain around his neck, sleeves of tattoos down his arms.

“What can I get you?” She asked, welcoming the man with a warm smile.

“Ah, the question of the day. What can you get me as in to please me? As in to make this day more satisfactory. Well the answer is simple dear, nothing,” he mumbled, staring at the table below his calloused finger tips. “Nothing can make this day better.”

Micah smiled nervously, trying to just take his order, “I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

“Don’t act like you know me,” the man responded harshly, his words burning her. His eyes were boring into hers with a scowl on his mouth. “You kids these days, think you know everything about everyone. I bet you’ve never lost anything in your life.”

She bit her lip, fighting her anger, speaking to him through gritted teeth, “My dad died when I was fourteen. So yes, I do know what it’s like to lose something. Now, what can I get you?”

The man stared at her, seeming as if he almost regretted his words for a second, but then the remorse was gone, his eyes staring at the table below him, “Water.”

Micah nodded her head and left the table with a scowl on her lips. She told Stephen what he wanted, ignoring the boys laughs at her new mood. “I wonder why he never drinks,” he said aloud, pouring water from a bottle. “I mean, if he’s always in a bad mood and comes to a bar, you’d think he’d want a drink to take one off. I’ve never served him alcohol before.”

“I honestly don’t care,” she said angrily, when deep down beneath her annoyance she actually was quite curious. She walked back over to the table and set down his drink, beginning to walk away when he caught her hand.

“I’m sorry about your father,” he spoke. “I shouldn’t have assumed, or generalized.” Micah nodded her head, accepting the apology from the stranger. “It-it’s my son’s fourteenth birthday today,” he spoke, his eyes not meeting hers.

Micah felt her heart soften. “Congratulations,” she said sincerely, nodding her head.

“I haven’t seen him in fourteen years,” the man admitted, his gaze meeting her confused one. “My wife—she left me…I-uh, I’ve been sober for fourteen years…tomorrow.”

She looked at the man, soaking in all the secrets he was telling her. Maybe he wasn’t an ass, maybe he was just misunderstood. “I’m really sorry, sir,” she said, taking a seat and looking at him nervously.

“Jim,” he said, “You can call me Jim.”

“Micah,” she responded.

“How old are you, Micah?” Jim asked, looking up at the pianist on the stage that was playing a soft melody.

“I’m twenty-two.”

“You have a boyfriend?” He questioned.

“Yeah, I do,” She replied, nervous of where the conversation was going.

Jim chuckled, shaking his head, “Shelly—she and I were twenty two. We were on tour for my band, I brought her with me. We partied every night, getting drunk, high…all of it. We were a living cliché. She got pregnant while we were on tour, and she uh, she was able to give it all up for the baby immediately.

“I tried you know, I tried really hard, but it was so difficult. She told me ‘eight months’, I had eight months to clean myself up. I couldn’t do it—I lied to her, and she grew to hate me…and then the morning Christopher was born she ran.”

Micah bit her lip, not sure of what to say in a moment like this. Here was a complete stranger telling her his life story as if they had known each other for years—like she knew how to make it better.

“Be honest with your boyfriend,” Jim stated, “You never know what you might lose. Shelly—she made a mistake that day. I-I would have made a great dad. A fucking great dad, and she never gave me the shot.”

She felt her chest tighten as she looked at Jim, speaking about a situation that was somewhat similar to her own. Her lips were tightly shut, her eyes now looking at the table below them. She tried to convince herself that she hadn’t told John for a reason, which was true, but the reason seemed weak now.

And she couldn’t help but to wonder what would have happened if she had given John a shot.

*

Micah grasped onto Eric’s hand tighter as he knocked on the white door in front of them. She laughed once again at the placemat at the foot of the door, making Eric smile as well.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Micah mumbled, bobbing from between her feet.

Halvo shrugged, “It was John’s idea, not mine. So I’m sure it will be fun. It’ll be like old times!”

“But what about Colton?” She whispered nervously.

He looked at her, his eyes getting more serious, “I think we should tell him, but we don’t have to tonight, okay baby?”

Micah smiled softly, nodding her head and tried to convince herself that tonight would be fun. As soon as she had gotten home earlier from work Eric had mentioned that John had called. He and Addie were inviting them over for dinner, so they could all catch up. After an hour of coaxing from Eric and her mother agreeing to watch Colton without any protests, she finally gave in. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t still apprehensive about this.

The last time she and Addison had been in the same room things didn’t go very well.

John opened the door and smiled smoothly, “Hey guys. I’m so glad you came!” He and Eric hugged and Micah stood behind as Eric walked in. John was still smiling at her and she watched as his eyes traveled down her body with a smirk, “Well, you look very pretty tonight, Crosby.”

She smirked herself as she looked at his tight black jeans and oversized white t-shirt. He had black combat boots on his feet and stubble growing on his chin. “You look very handsome yourself, Johnny boy,” she said honestly, smiling as she brushed past him, following her boyfriend into their friend’s house. “Something smells good.”

John grinned cockily as he walked in behind her, “We’re making lasagna and chocolate pudding. I did all of it.”

“Bull shit!” Addison laughed, as they walked into the kitchen. Eric’s arms were already around her engulfing the brunette in a hug. Micah looked over at her with a nervous smile, nodding her head. “Hey Mic,” she said, pulling her into a loose hug.

“Hey Addie,” she said, surprised at her old friend. But then she realized John was standing just right behind her—Addie wouldn’t be rude in front of him. “John, I think I messed up the pudding,” she chuckled, a small frown on her lips.

Micah watched as John walked over to where she was standing at the counter. He placed his chest to her back, his arm wrapping around her and dipping into the bowl of pudding Addison was mixing. He placed his finger in his mouth after he placed some of the brown dessert onto the girl’s nose making her giggle.

“It tastes great, baby,” John whispered, just loud enough for Micah to hear, or maybe it was just because she was listening. He kissed the girl’s nose, taking the pudding off. “But, even if it didn’t it’s okay, I bought a cake,” he laughed.

“Screw you,” she giggled lightly, hitting his chest. She turned to Micah and Eric, “Do you guys want some wine?”

Micah smiled, “A beer is fine actually.”

“Me too,” Eric grinned, looking at her.

Addie smiled tightly, obviously disproving of her taste. She had always been from a family where you drank wine with dinner, where beer was cheap. Not much had changed obviously.

John grabbed the two beers, pulling out one for himself as well as a bottle of red wine. They all took their sips before the room fell into an awkward silence. They all just kind of looked at one another, chuckling nervously. It had seemed like forever since the four of them had been alone together. Four years in fact.

“So, you stoked for tour man?” John asked, leaning against the counter behind him.

“Bro, it’s going to be legit. Though uh, I’m going to miss this one,” Eric responded, pulling Micah into his side nervously.

“Tour?” Micah asked, looking up at Halvo. She had a look on her lips that was screaming the obvious question on why he hadn’t mentioned this earlier.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as she released his hand. “We’re leaving in about two weeks.”

She nodded her head, trying to act like she was okay. John and Eric kept discussing the tours. John was going to be gone for two weeks, while Eric, well he was going to be gone for two months. Micah felt her chest pumping. What was she going to do without him? What was Colton going to do?

Colton was used to Eric coming and going, after all they lived apart for the past four years of his life, Eric just popping in every now and then. Hell, Micah couldn’t even remember when he started calling him ‘Dad’. One of the girls had mentioned it in front of the little boy at the bar one night, telling him to go to his ‘daddy’ who was waiting outside, and from then on that was Eric’s title.

They both knew it was wrong that they didn’t correct him, but honestly it wasn’t like Colton knew what a father even was. He thought it was someone who took care of him and that was what Eric had always done.

Micah dreaded the day that she would have to tell the little boy he wasn’t his father—and she dreaded it more and more as she realized that day would soon be upon her.

“Micah?”

Eric’s voice tore her from her thoughts and she shook her head slightly, looking at him with a small smile, her eyebrows raised, “Yeah?”

“Dinner’s ready,” he chuckled nervously.

She looked and noticed that they were all making their way to the table, sitting down around perfectly baked lasagna. They all dished up their food, making small talk about how good it was just to fill the silence in the house.

It was weird to be here now.

Four years ago this was normal, except not. John and Eric would be running around the house beating each other up, or writing music while Micah and Addison would watch reruns of The O.C. and look at fashion magazines. They all always had something to say but now being here, together, it was as if they had never really been friends at all.

“How’s Vegas, Micah?” Addison asked, taking a bite of her pasta.

Micah placed a bite in her own mouth, chewing it slowly deciding how to answer her question. She couldn’t tell her the truth. She couldn’t say that it was horrible, that she was scared to go out at night in her neighborhood. She couldn’t say that she had dropped out and was using her tuition money and stripping money to pay make sure her son was healthy—no, she could only lie. “Oh you know it’s fun. College is crazy,” she chuckled.

“You should be graduating soon right?” Addie said with a smile. At this point Micah didn’t even know if it was real—or how she had gotten so good at faking it.

Micah nodded her head, ignoring the question verbally, “Where are you going? Or are you working or what?”

“I just graduated from the Cronkite School at ASU and I happened to step into a job at my dad’s newspaper. For now it’s just small, mundane pieces but everyone has to start somewhere, and the pay is nice. I just bought my own place about a month ago,” she replied, glancing over at John. “John is joining me when he gets back from tour over there. It’s on the nicer side of town—more towards Scottsdale.”

“Oh,” Micah replied, glancing at John noticing that he had taken a lot of interest in his empty place. “I thought you always wanted to stay in Chandler…”

John shrugged his shoulders, and she could see in his eyes that his next words weren’t true, “Change is always nice.”

“Yeah,” Addison said in response, giving their locked hands a squeeze. “What about you? Are you moving back now that you and Eric are together again? Or do you leave soon?”

“I-I uh, I’m thinking about transferring to ASU to just finish my degree,” she said, stumbling over her lies.

“What’s your degree?”

“Business.”

“What are you going to do with your life?”

Micah felt like she was a teenager again. She now understood how John had felt all those years ago when Mr. Roberts had grilled him with questions over, because Addison may have hated her father, but she was just like him. She looked at people with her nose in the air, knowing that she was better than them. She had just graduated and already had a job—so well put together, and she just made people feel inferior.

“I—I don’t know yet,” Micah mumbled, sipping on her beer longer than what was appropriate for dinner.

“Do you still want to open that cupcake shop?” John smiled, looking at her interestedly.

Micah felt her cheeks blush instantly as she realized that he was really the only person who ever knew that about her. She was about to reply when Addison spoke.

“Well, that’s a nice dream and all, John, but I’m sure Micah would settle down with something more helpful first. I mean, cupcake shops aren’t that successful, who really wants that many cupcakes a day? My father always said to do something that is helpful for others,” Addie said, sipping on her wine, her Tiffany’s ring that was once a Christmas gift shimming in the light. “A cupcake shop is one of those things you do when you’re retired because it’s a mediocre job in the real world.”

Micah smiled tightly, annoyed with the girl who was purposefully undermining her, “Right. I used to want to be a writer too like Addie, a journalist, but then I realized that people really don’t care about my opinion on something that they can have an opinion on themselves, it’s kind of ‘mediocre’, as Addison would say. So, I don’t know, I’m just taking life one day at a time,” she replied, smiling when she felt Eric laughing next to her and John holding back a chuckle.

“Right,” Addison responded simply, rolling her eyes before excusing herself to go get more wine.

The three left at the table all let out individual sighs, each of them laughing as they realized they were all holding their breath until she was gone. And just like that, everything was normal again. They were talking and laughing, having a great time. Addison had excused herself once again to take a work call with her ‘boss’ who was really just her dad.

John picked up his phone as it started ringing, pulling it from his pocket. Micah and Eric stayed silent as they listened to him talking to the person on the other line, “Hello? Yeah,” he laughed. “Yes, yes, yes Sam, I’ll be on call. You and Daniel be safe—call me the second you even think about driving. Did you leave your keys at home? Okay good. Do some push ups—it’ll make you look buffer. All right, be safe, have fun, don’t get anyone pregnant. You’re too young for that shit.” Micah and Eric glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes, their lips tight at John’s words. “Sorry about that,” John laughed, closing his phone. “It seems our younger brothers are going to their first lingerie party tonight.”

“Geez that’s so weird,” Micah sighed. “It’s so weird how time flies.”

“Do you remember our first lingerie party?” John snickered.

“No,” Eric laughed.

“That makes sense, you were hammered,” Micah laughed, shaking her head, remembering tucking in the boy she didn’t even call her boyfriend yet.

“God that night was so weird!” John laughed, “Eric passed out drunk, Garrett streaked and got arrested for sexual harassment—

Micah held her breath, hoping John wouldn’t say the words that Eric still didn’t know.

She wasn’t so lucky.

“We made out,” John continued, shaking his head through his laughs.

“Who made out?” Eric said suddenly, looking at Micah.

She took a deep breath and stared at John who was mumbling a few choice words. “We-we were drunk,” Micah said quickly, looking at Eric with an apology in her eyes. “It didn’t mean anything.”

She was lying. She knew it, John knew it, Hell, Eric knew it. As quickly as the tension had left the room with Addison it had reentered with that one simple slip of John’s words. The rest of the night was just an awkward blur. They all made promises to hang out again but with all of the strain Micah was sure it would be awhile until that happened.

Eric was silent the entire way home, not even so much as glancing her way as he drove. The radio was off, and she could only hear the hum of his crappy truck’s engine and other cars as they passed.

Micah walked into their apartment, making sure to be a few steps behind the boy as she walked. She entered their bedroom instantly peeling off her dress and hopping into the shower. She let the cool water hit her heated skin as the remnants of her perfume soaked into the foggy air. A few seconds later the shower curtain pulled back and hands were being wrapped around her waist. Eric’s head was resting on her shoulder and his words echoed off her neck.

“Why didn’t you tell me John was your first kiss?” He asked.

She turned in his arms, a small frown on her lips, “Why didn’t you tell me that you were leaving for tour in two weeks?”

Eric frowned at his own mistake and as Micah looked into his hurt eyes she could see her own hurt reflected in them. “I didn’t want to hurt you, or make you worry,” she whispered softly, placing a chaste kiss on his wet chest.

“Same here,” Halvo said just as quiet, sighing as he lathered some shampoo into her long blonde hair for her. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Micah whispered, giving the boy a small smile.

Eric held out his pinky, raising his eyebrows at her, “No more secrets?”

She linked her pinky through his, kissing her hand to seal the promise, “Promise.”

He grinned before pulling her body flat against his and kissing her neck sweetly. Micah let her body fall into Eric’s trying to block out all the problems that were sure to come with Eric’s departure. She didn’t have any reason to believe this would happen, but she just had this feeling in her chest that something was going to go wrong soon.

In fact that was the entire reason she wanted to leave Arizona in the first place; secrets were hidden around every corner just waiting for the opportunity to expose you.