The Saints Of Mibba
Even More Darkness at the End of the Tunnel.
I've never had somebody very close to me die. I've never been diagnosed with some life-threatening disease. I have asthma, but that's no big deal, right? Simply put, I'm a really lucky person; I just don't feel that way.
I was never supposed to be here, I was an "accident." Yeah, really mood-lifting. Especially since a lot of my friends were planned babies. My father was never there for me, being in jail most of my childhood and my mother raising me on her own. I always felt really inferior and I wondered if my dad even loved me at all. It hurt to see kids out with both their parents having a wonderful time.
Starting school was something I, as a five year-old, was really excited about. I only had one three friends who were my next-door neighbors, and I never had any siblings. Once kindergarten was in full effect, though, I realized that this wasn't going to be as fun as I thought. They were all really mean to me, telling me I was fat and ugly, and the "popular" girls wouldn't let me play Spice Girls with them. It's amazing how children learn to hate so young.
I made friends in my elementary school over the years. I always hated my teachers, though, especially my third grade one. She was a complete bitch, and for teaching a class of eight to nine year olds, she had no mercy. She was one of the cheerleading coaches and had no liking for anyone else, including me. I remember once, my friend pushed this boy and then they said I pushed her. I didn't push anyone, and they believed the girl over me. She was skinny, light-eyed, and a cheerleader. What a coincidence! The last day of third grade, I didn't even say goodbye to that wench of a teacher. She has a baby girl now- I fear for that poor child's self-esteem, especially if she isn't perfect in her bitch of a mother's eyes.
Fifth grade was absolutely terrible. I became friends with three girls. At first, things were okay. And then the abuse started. They threw wet wads of toilet paper at me, started making fun of me, and one of them even slammed my own screen door on me as I was going inside. I remember just... sobbing to my mother, asking her why they were doing this and what did I do to deserve it all. It really, really didn't help that my fifth grade teacher would call me a baby and tell me to "grow up" whenever I was sad about something. Elementary schools really need to crack down on these witches and warlocks they hire.
Middle school came soon enough, and I loved it. I actually enjoyed going to school now. I made a new best friend named Mandy, and she was probably one of my only lifelines. I was a total My Chemical Romance freak- I talked about them constantly and I thought they were the most amazing band to ever walk the planet. I don't feel the same way about them now, but they really did shape out who I was to become. That year of seventh grade, I met a wonderful boy. A boy I would fall in love with, and a boy who told me he felt the same way.
However, I've told that story well over ten times to well over ten people, and I don't feel like repeating all of the details. On June 27th, 2006, my whole world came crashing down. He started dating another girl, and all of those words and feelings were just lies. I spent that summer and my entire eighth grade year crying over it. At least once a week, I'd just start crying as I tried to go to sleep. I'd ask myself why I wasn't ending up with the person I loved more than anything. Anybody who says you can't fall in love as a teenager needs to get the very large stick out of their ass, because it is possible. I would know.
A year later, exact to the date, I just... magically got over it. You can't force yourself to be positive and get over things, it just happens. You need to be patient and give it time. I was so happy when it was all over. The sun shined brighter, the grass was greener, and I finally felt okay again. I started high school in September and I loved it immediately. I was making new friends and having so much fun. And then I met another boy who I would come to love, except this time, he really did love me back.
And he still does, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
Not all stories have a happy ending. Some endings are sad, some are confusing, and some are cliffhangers. I don't know what my ending is. Even though I have a great life, I still can't help but feel worthless sometimes. I still wish that I was blonde and blue-eyed, skinny with a decent bust size, popular and got invited to parties. I envy everybody who is.
I came to Mibba after I got banned for life at INO. And honestly, I feel alone on here. I don't think any of my friends here genuinely care about me, or enjoy talking to me. But whatever. You can't have your cake and eat it too, I guess. For now, I'm just going to wander around in the tunnel with a box of wet matches and a flashlight with no batteries.
I was never supposed to be here, I was an "accident." Yeah, really mood-lifting. Especially since a lot of my friends were planned babies. My father was never there for me, being in jail most of my childhood and my mother raising me on her own. I always felt really inferior and I wondered if my dad even loved me at all. It hurt to see kids out with both their parents having a wonderful time.
Starting school was something I, as a five year-old, was really excited about. I only had one three friends who were my next-door neighbors, and I never had any siblings. Once kindergarten was in full effect, though, I realized that this wasn't going to be as fun as I thought. They were all really mean to me, telling me I was fat and ugly, and the "popular" girls wouldn't let me play Spice Girls with them. It's amazing how children learn to hate so young.
I made friends in my elementary school over the years. I always hated my teachers, though, especially my third grade one. She was a complete bitch, and for teaching a class of eight to nine year olds, she had no mercy. She was one of the cheerleading coaches and had no liking for anyone else, including me. I remember once, my friend pushed this boy and then they said I pushed her. I didn't push anyone, and they believed the girl over me. She was skinny, light-eyed, and a cheerleader. What a coincidence! The last day of third grade, I didn't even say goodbye to that wench of a teacher. She has a baby girl now- I fear for that poor child's self-esteem, especially if she isn't perfect in her bitch of a mother's eyes.
Fifth grade was absolutely terrible. I became friends with three girls. At first, things were okay. And then the abuse started. They threw wet wads of toilet paper at me, started making fun of me, and one of them even slammed my own screen door on me as I was going inside. I remember just... sobbing to my mother, asking her why they were doing this and what did I do to deserve it all. It really, really didn't help that my fifth grade teacher would call me a baby and tell me to "grow up" whenever I was sad about something. Elementary schools really need to crack down on these witches and warlocks they hire.
Middle school came soon enough, and I loved it. I actually enjoyed going to school now. I made a new best friend named Mandy, and she was probably one of my only lifelines. I was a total My Chemical Romance freak- I talked about them constantly and I thought they were the most amazing band to ever walk the planet. I don't feel the same way about them now, but they really did shape out who I was to become. That year of seventh grade, I met a wonderful boy. A boy I would fall in love with, and a boy who told me he felt the same way.
However, I've told that story well over ten times to well over ten people, and I don't feel like repeating all of the details. On June 27th, 2006, my whole world came crashing down. He started dating another girl, and all of those words and feelings were just lies. I spent that summer and my entire eighth grade year crying over it. At least once a week, I'd just start crying as I tried to go to sleep. I'd ask myself why I wasn't ending up with the person I loved more than anything. Anybody who says you can't fall in love as a teenager needs to get the very large stick out of their ass, because it is possible. I would know.
A year later, exact to the date, I just... magically got over it. You can't force yourself to be positive and get over things, it just happens. You need to be patient and give it time. I was so happy when it was all over. The sun shined brighter, the grass was greener, and I finally felt okay again. I started high school in September and I loved it immediately. I was making new friends and having so much fun. And then I met another boy who I would come to love, except this time, he really did love me back.
And he still does, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
Not all stories have a happy ending. Some endings are sad, some are confusing, and some are cliffhangers. I don't know what my ending is. Even though I have a great life, I still can't help but feel worthless sometimes. I still wish that I was blonde and blue-eyed, skinny with a decent bust size, popular and got invited to parties. I envy everybody who is.
I came to Mibba after I got banned for life at INO. And honestly, I feel alone on here. I don't think any of my friends here genuinely care about me, or enjoy talking to me. But whatever. You can't have your cake and eat it too, I guess. For now, I'm just going to wander around in the tunnel with a box of wet matches and a flashlight with no batteries.