The Saints Of Mibba
Found What I Was Looking For.
Through life I've always had my friends. I've always had my music. Sometimes though, it's just not enough.
It was almost as if I could never get a break with anything. My friends were always happy, they all had someone or something in their lives that was getting them through. What did I have though? I had my iPod, a pen, a paper, and that was it. I thought getting it all out by writing would be enough . But there was still something missing, and I couldn't figure it out.
It wasn't that my friends weren't there for me, it was that I didn't know how to talk to them. With the sad part being, I still don't know how to talk to them. Whenever I want to talk to them about the pressure from my mom or the random crap my dad gives me, I'm always afraid I'm boring them with what I have to say. I'm always afraid they're going to be like "Shut up you have it great. Stop complaining." Only because that has actually happened to me before. With that moment of my life being the moment I apologized to her for bothering her with the problems of my life and kept everything bottled up inside.
There are always those secrets we keep from our best friends. Even if the secret isn't something that happened, but simply a feeling, a thought that you keep from them. Everyday I seem to go through that. I end up having some sort of envy or anger towards a friend that I can't seem to get out. When it comes to parents though, a list could go on with secrets that we keep from them. For me, my biggest secret is the fact that I'm bi. Me, I don't find it a big deal, and neither would most people. Then again when your dad is pretty much a homophobe, and your mom uses the words , "I don't care that you're friends with gay/bi people or that you're okay with them being gay/bi, as long as you're not." It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to keep from my parents. They tell me they love me no matter what. Every time they say that though, I wonder if they would still love me the same if they knew.
Up until freshman year I seemed to keep all of my emotions bottled up inside. That wasn't any good for me though, I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to someone about what I was going through. I needed to tell someone what I was feeling and all the remorse I felt about some decisions; the angst I had towards certain people, never telling them to their face though, and that was the problem. I needed to find a way to get it all out.
I thought I was okay when I found INO. The only problem was, I didn't feel comfortable there. I mean sure they were always there for me whenever I had a problem and I posted it on Personal Questions, but that wasn't enough either, I just didn't feel right there. Whenever I signed on though I always saw something users' avas that said "Mibba" on it. I always clicked on it to read poems and such, but never really knowing but Mibba was.
At first I was a little nervous because I was a n00b and didn't know what it was going to be like. The thing is though, the minute I started posting, people were so nice. Sure, some may have thought I was just a n00b, but it happens.
I am unbelievably thankful for finding Mibba. Honestly, I don't think anyone other than another Mibban would be able to truly understand what it is like on Mibba. I have met the most amazing people on here and I am so thankful for them. Some of them really don't know how amazing they are, they really don't know they make my day when I talk to them. Without them, I would go through a day without a smile. Everyday they save me, and I don't think I will ever really be able to thank them for that.
I love you guys.<33
It was almost as if I could never get a break with anything. My friends were always happy, they all had someone or something in their lives that was getting them through. What did I have though? I had my iPod, a pen, a paper, and that was it. I thought getting it all out by writing would be enough . But there was still something missing, and I couldn't figure it out.
It wasn't that my friends weren't there for me, it was that I didn't know how to talk to them. With the sad part being, I still don't know how to talk to them. Whenever I want to talk to them about the pressure from my mom or the random crap my dad gives me, I'm always afraid I'm boring them with what I have to say. I'm always afraid they're going to be like "Shut up you have it great. Stop complaining." Only because that has actually happened to me before. With that moment of my life being the moment I apologized to her for bothering her with the problems of my life and kept everything bottled up inside.
There are always those secrets we keep from our best friends. Even if the secret isn't something that happened, but simply a feeling, a thought that you keep from them. Everyday I seem to go through that. I end up having some sort of envy or anger towards a friend that I can't seem to get out. When it comes to parents though, a list could go on with secrets that we keep from them. For me, my biggest secret is the fact that I'm bi. Me, I don't find it a big deal, and neither would most people. Then again when your dad is pretty much a homophobe, and your mom uses the words , "I don't care that you're friends with gay/bi people or that you're okay with them being gay/bi, as long as you're not." It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to keep from my parents. They tell me they love me no matter what. Every time they say that though, I wonder if they would still love me the same if they knew.
Up until freshman year I seemed to keep all of my emotions bottled up inside. That wasn't any good for me though, I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to someone about what I was going through. I needed to tell someone what I was feeling and all the remorse I felt about some decisions; the angst I had towards certain people, never telling them to their face though, and that was the problem. I needed to find a way to get it all out.
I thought I was okay when I found INO. The only problem was, I didn't feel comfortable there. I mean sure they were always there for me whenever I had a problem and I posted it on Personal Questions, but that wasn't enough either, I just didn't feel right there. Whenever I signed on though I always saw something users' avas that said "Mibba" on it. I always clicked on it to read poems and such, but never really knowing but Mibba was.
At first I was a little nervous because I was a n00b and didn't know what it was going to be like. The thing is though, the minute I started posting, people were so nice. Sure, some may have thought I was just a n00b, but it happens.
I am unbelievably thankful for finding Mibba. Honestly, I don't think anyone other than another Mibban would be able to truly understand what it is like on Mibba. I have met the most amazing people on here and I am so thankful for them. Some of them really don't know how amazing they are, they really don't know they make my day when I talk to them. Without them, I would go through a day without a smile. Everyday they save me, and I don't think I will ever really be able to thank them for that.
I love you guys.<33
♠ ♠ ♠
by Flea.