The Saints Of Mibba
Now or Never.
Twenty years ago I never thought I would be here. Twenty years ago I was barely in existence. The first ten or so are most of a blur. Family memories remain that I want to forget. That I will never tell anyone unless they are a close friend. Changed schools twice, both times were hell. Fourth grade was perhaps the start of my downward spiral into depression. The year the name-calling had began.
“Fatso.” “Beefcake.” “Loner.” “Ugly.” “Nobody likes you.” It hurt then, but I had gotten so used to it that I became immune.
When I transferred in sixth grade, I found a best friend. Oh, let’s just say her name was, Kim. From then till Freshman year, we were inseparable. Sure we had our little tiffs like friends do, but we stuck it out through thick and thin.
Time for high school. Two words of great importance for any person. Freshman year is the year I want to forget. Train wreck. Disaster. Fifteen was the age I reached that I almost made my highest. “Kim” had suddenly decided she wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I had suddenly lost the best friend I ever had. Worse off, our group of friends turned against me for no reason at all. I was alone. Rejected. Left out in the dark. The year I wore makeup, and dressed nice for school. Multiple attempts to retrieve a lost friendship had all failed. I felt like a failure. A failure at life. Wanting not to live anymore. Countless thoughts of suicide by overdose, holding a knife to my throat, a visit to the school counselor, and thousands of tears later came the realization that the friendship had sunk.
Sophomore year was my year of change.. It was when I began my transition into a darker version of myself. Introducing myself to a new kind of music. The first time I can say music has saved me. The band: Good Charlotte. The song: “Hold On.” This new form of music I was listening to had changed me. I loved it. I loved the newer me. I began to wear band t-shirts. I began to wear black. I began to wear eye-liner. I was breaking out from this old version of a girl named Lisa. It was Lisa being reborn again.
The last two years of high school were normal. It was this new Lisa, making new friends. Music having a huge impact on me and my life. Junior year was the first year I dyed my hair. I chopped off 6 inches by myself and dyed it black. What happened to the innocent Lisa that dressed in pink, wearing shiny eye-shadow and glitter? She’s gone. She's dead and buried.
The summer of 2004 had become another important turning-point. Flipping through the TV, to “Fuse” I saw the music video for a little song called “I’m Not Okay (I Promise).” Maybe you’ve heard of that song? The band was called My Chemical Romance. Maybe you’ve heard of them? And so the musical part of my life had been refueled.
High school graduation was a day I never thought I would see. The age of eighteen an age I never thought I would see. But I did, and I still don’t know how it happened. After the Freshman year disaster especially.
High school was done in 2006, it was time to be in the real world. Later that year landing a full-time job, completely bypassing college. A job I thought I would have forever.
Back to music. As I got more and more into this band called My Chemical Romance, my life around me beginning to revolve around these boys. Music in general was starting to take over my life. I would begin crying over concerts I couldn’t go to. MCR being one band I had wanted to see live so bad. Heroes and saviors that I needed to know were there for real. I can’t say they did save my life, but they had certainly impacted it intensely. As my hopes of seeing these boys diminished, a little light had decided to shine.
December 18th 2006: The date I found out about the show. I had a fear of downtown Chicago. Fear of going to concerts there. I went online to see this: The Black Parade on tour. March 1st 2007, at the Allstate Arena. A venue not in downtown Chicago? A venue that I could possibly go to? There was no way in hell I was passing this up. The tour was announced that day, and within hours of that announcement, I had my ticket on order. Until then, it was time to play the waiting game.
As March 1st finally rolled around, it will be a night I will never forget. The night I saw my idols in person. Right before my very eyes. The atmosphere was so overwhelming. Being in that pit among hundreds upon hundreds of kids. Squished together, shoulder to shoulder, foot on foot, looking up at these guys as if they weren’t human. To us, they aren’t normal humans. More like superheroes. Saviors to millions of kids. Playing music that has impacted and influenced so many. I stared at them in amazement as they were onstage. Taking in with my own eyes that they were indeed standing twenty feet away from me.
Around the middle of summer in 2007 was another life-changing music experience. I had introduced myself fully to a band called Madina Lake. And while a lot of you may not know who they are, I do, and I am proud to call myself a fan.
November of 2007 was when my life had made a turn for the worst. Laid-off the job I thought I would have forever. I lost a lot. No college education to get another one just as good. It sucked. My twentieth birthday came and went horribly. Possibly one of the worst birthdays ever.
My life needed direction. And as it spiraled downward to my next breaking point, after many fights with my mom and step dad, I had decided to take what they had mentioned and enlist into the Navy. Direction in life. College education. Most importantly, a gigantic boost in self-confidence. Knowing that people would be proud of me. So many people I could get back at. For all the backstabbing I had endured through my school years.
I’m overweight though. I can’t go into the navy just yet. Currently dieting, I have lost over 20 pounds in two months, and am about halfway to the ideal weight to get into the Navy. My job is shitty, but I’m relying on music to get me through the days. Music and my best friends are my sanity.
Madina Lake are a band I’m glad are around. Their music means more to me than life. I will love these boys forever. They aren’t sellouts. They are dedicated to their work, and love their fans. They are all around just amazing. They have saved my life.
As I go on, day-by-day, I try to keep my sanity. I try to think about a successful future. I grow more and more impatient with wishing my life would just change for the better right now. Life hurts for me right now. I’m going through a lot of hard times. A lot of stress and pressure. How am I keeping my sanity? Like I’ve said before, the music of Madina Lake. I still get my suicidal thoughts. I still get to the point where I want to end it all by overdosing, but I sleep it off, and I realize that I can't. I realize that I need to live on. Live each day waiting for my moment. I know it will come. It will for everybody.
We’re breaking out, cause today is now or never.
“Fatso.” “Beefcake.” “Loner.” “Ugly.” “Nobody likes you.” It hurt then, but I had gotten so used to it that I became immune.
When I transferred in sixth grade, I found a best friend. Oh, let’s just say her name was, Kim. From then till Freshman year, we were inseparable. Sure we had our little tiffs like friends do, but we stuck it out through thick and thin.
Time for high school. Two words of great importance for any person. Freshman year is the year I want to forget. Train wreck. Disaster. Fifteen was the age I reached that I almost made my highest. “Kim” had suddenly decided she wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I had suddenly lost the best friend I ever had. Worse off, our group of friends turned against me for no reason at all. I was alone. Rejected. Left out in the dark. The year I wore makeup, and dressed nice for school. Multiple attempts to retrieve a lost friendship had all failed. I felt like a failure. A failure at life. Wanting not to live anymore. Countless thoughts of suicide by overdose, holding a knife to my throat, a visit to the school counselor, and thousands of tears later came the realization that the friendship had sunk.
Sophomore year was my year of change.. It was when I began my transition into a darker version of myself. Introducing myself to a new kind of music. The first time I can say music has saved me. The band: Good Charlotte. The song: “Hold On.” This new form of music I was listening to had changed me. I loved it. I loved the newer me. I began to wear band t-shirts. I began to wear black. I began to wear eye-liner. I was breaking out from this old version of a girl named Lisa. It was Lisa being reborn again.
The last two years of high school were normal. It was this new Lisa, making new friends. Music having a huge impact on me and my life. Junior year was the first year I dyed my hair. I chopped off 6 inches by myself and dyed it black. What happened to the innocent Lisa that dressed in pink, wearing shiny eye-shadow and glitter? She’s gone. She's dead and buried.
The summer of 2004 had become another important turning-point. Flipping through the TV, to “Fuse” I saw the music video for a little song called “I’m Not Okay (I Promise).” Maybe you’ve heard of that song? The band was called My Chemical Romance. Maybe you’ve heard of them? And so the musical part of my life had been refueled.
High school graduation was a day I never thought I would see. The age of eighteen an age I never thought I would see. But I did, and I still don’t know how it happened. After the Freshman year disaster especially.
High school was done in 2006, it was time to be in the real world. Later that year landing a full-time job, completely bypassing college. A job I thought I would have forever.
Back to music. As I got more and more into this band called My Chemical Romance, my life around me beginning to revolve around these boys. Music in general was starting to take over my life. I would begin crying over concerts I couldn’t go to. MCR being one band I had wanted to see live so bad. Heroes and saviors that I needed to know were there for real. I can’t say they did save my life, but they had certainly impacted it intensely. As my hopes of seeing these boys diminished, a little light had decided to shine.
December 18th 2006: The date I found out about the show. I had a fear of downtown Chicago. Fear of going to concerts there. I went online to see this: The Black Parade on tour. March 1st 2007, at the Allstate Arena. A venue not in downtown Chicago? A venue that I could possibly go to? There was no way in hell I was passing this up. The tour was announced that day, and within hours of that announcement, I had my ticket on order. Until then, it was time to play the waiting game.
As March 1st finally rolled around, it will be a night I will never forget. The night I saw my idols in person. Right before my very eyes. The atmosphere was so overwhelming. Being in that pit among hundreds upon hundreds of kids. Squished together, shoulder to shoulder, foot on foot, looking up at these guys as if they weren’t human. To us, they aren’t normal humans. More like superheroes. Saviors to millions of kids. Playing music that has impacted and influenced so many. I stared at them in amazement as they were onstage. Taking in with my own eyes that they were indeed standing twenty feet away from me.
Around the middle of summer in 2007 was another life-changing music experience. I had introduced myself fully to a band called Madina Lake. And while a lot of you may not know who they are, I do, and I am proud to call myself a fan.
November of 2007 was when my life had made a turn for the worst. Laid-off the job I thought I would have forever. I lost a lot. No college education to get another one just as good. It sucked. My twentieth birthday came and went horribly. Possibly one of the worst birthdays ever.
My life needed direction. And as it spiraled downward to my next breaking point, after many fights with my mom and step dad, I had decided to take what they had mentioned and enlist into the Navy. Direction in life. College education. Most importantly, a gigantic boost in self-confidence. Knowing that people would be proud of me. So many people I could get back at. For all the backstabbing I had endured through my school years.
I’m overweight though. I can’t go into the navy just yet. Currently dieting, I have lost over 20 pounds in two months, and am about halfway to the ideal weight to get into the Navy. My job is shitty, but I’m relying on music to get me through the days. Music and my best friends are my sanity.
Madina Lake are a band I’m glad are around. Their music means more to me than life. I will love these boys forever. They aren’t sellouts. They are dedicated to their work, and love their fans. They are all around just amazing. They have saved my life.
As I go on, day-by-day, I try to keep my sanity. I try to think about a successful future. I grow more and more impatient with wishing my life would just change for the better right now. Life hurts for me right now. I’m going through a lot of hard times. A lot of stress and pressure. How am I keeping my sanity? Like I’ve said before, the music of Madina Lake. I still get my suicidal thoughts. I still get to the point where I want to end it all by overdosing, but I sleep it off, and I realize that I can't. I realize that I need to live on. Live each day waiting for my moment. I know it will come. It will for everybody.
We’re breaking out, cause today is now or never.
♠ ♠ ♠
by Synyster Lisa