The Saints Of Mibba
Half-Smile Facade.
1.A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2.A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3.A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
What is a friend? What is a word that would sound so sweet upon the tip of your tounge, the idea so astutely beautiful, but would desire to abandon, in its concealment, a bitter taste, a tarnished stain of inevitable sorrows upon the memories you found to be quite fond when recalled.
A comrade, a confidant, a soul mate, sister, buddy, ally, pal…
No, for you, I could never use such lighthearted, fair words.
Beast, backstabber, hoax, enemy, adversary, bully…
You are not the equivalent of a friend, but a foe. It was precisely you that I’ve been fearing all along, afraid to fall victim to the persecution I’ve witnessed before my eyes, upon the television screen I’ve come to regard, for the sole purpose of permitting me glimpses into the beasts of the high school society.
But never, not a moment’s alarm resounded when I was with you. But you harassed me so, you bullied me until my eyes became soaked with your venom, and unleashed its plea for silence. My world, once so entranced with color, an enchanting creativity that I was so adamantly sure would be beautiful always. But you and your words, your threats, your accusations… it was like a war upon my existence, devastation too immense and potent to be reversed. I became gray, a translucent ghost bent by your destruction. Blinded by your falsehoods, I could not escape.
I was your hostage, and you held the key to my freedom.
I do not understand. I cannot comprehend how this demon in your stance has come to steal you away from me, the one I used to find shelter and compromise my sorrow, my defeats. There was a softer time, when your words were of encouragement, of stability and affection that I could never imagine could be taken away from me. Oaths to grow old and weary in one another’s presence were taken, but never in blood.
Broken, shattered, stained in the blood of my sacrifices for you. I’ve given my freedom, my opportunity for endurance in a severe, callous world for only a chance to revive the one I used to recognize. I find myself looking into the face of ruthless difference now, a stranger in my life.
As your allegations against my frailty and incompetence become clearer, I begin to find myself in a duller, more revealing light. While there were little flaws to be found when you were with me, there are flaws to be attended to now. A face of pallor and disgrace, with less than fortunate amount of thought within the unsightly head I possessed. Tears came often, and I buried myself alive, hoping to bypass a reality I wished ardently to forget.
Fall to winter, winter to spring, spring to summer…A season that provoked courage and innovative beginnings. I was calloused now, still locked in winter’s cold embrace. But there was a fervor in the air that would thaw my frigid heart, and find me anew as the seasons wore on.
As summer dwindled away and your comments never lessened. Without your constant and decimating guidance, I’d begun to understand…
Your only wish was to destroy me.
And as my gallantry escalated, I dismissed you permanently from my life.
But as time began to wear, and my hopelessness became great, I began to regret leaving you behind. I was so enthralled with the fonder memories of ago that I’d forgotten to let go and begin my greater purpose, fulfill my potential.
And so began the degradation of my story. What once was to be my new and fresh morning became the melancholy night in which I existed, but did not thrive. Food became uninteresting, a mere necessity I rarely practiced. Sleep was an escape, and my home was my sanctuary from the relentless isolation I was forced to endure. But what cut deepest of all the sharper points was one pleasure I’d long since forgotten to indulge.
I was incapable of writing poetry.
Oh, how I tried to start again, how I attempted to fling your memories from my mind. But they haunted me, disturbed what little peace that remained and gnarled it into what would be my downfall. I tried new prospective comrades as one tries on a lovely dress. But it did not fit, and I found myself preferring loneliness over the façade of faces I was allowing myself to associate with.
I gave you one last shot, and you treated me as a naughty servant, one as lowly as to sooner kiss your feet than be foolish and insolent enough to ask for your long missed embrace. You were nothing like the person I used to love as I did, nothing like you used to be.
Recovery has been nonexistent for now, but I remain persistent in my efforts to start over. However, writing on Mibba has been an escape, a place of homestead I can find with only wonderful compliments to be given, and I am positive I’ve found the manifestation of the path I am to take…in writing.
A portion of my confidence has been returned to its rightful owner, and I will continue with my endeavors to rid your memory permanently from my life.
Because demons like you will never haunt my tormented soul again.
And you, my dear, can count on that promise.
2.A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3.A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
What is a friend? What is a word that would sound so sweet upon the tip of your tounge, the idea so astutely beautiful, but would desire to abandon, in its concealment, a bitter taste, a tarnished stain of inevitable sorrows upon the memories you found to be quite fond when recalled.
A comrade, a confidant, a soul mate, sister, buddy, ally, pal…
No, for you, I could never use such lighthearted, fair words.
Beast, backstabber, hoax, enemy, adversary, bully…
You are not the equivalent of a friend, but a foe. It was precisely you that I’ve been fearing all along, afraid to fall victim to the persecution I’ve witnessed before my eyes, upon the television screen I’ve come to regard, for the sole purpose of permitting me glimpses into the beasts of the high school society.
But never, not a moment’s alarm resounded when I was with you. But you harassed me so, you bullied me until my eyes became soaked with your venom, and unleashed its plea for silence. My world, once so entranced with color, an enchanting creativity that I was so adamantly sure would be beautiful always. But you and your words, your threats, your accusations… it was like a war upon my existence, devastation too immense and potent to be reversed. I became gray, a translucent ghost bent by your destruction. Blinded by your falsehoods, I could not escape.
I was your hostage, and you held the key to my freedom.
I do not understand. I cannot comprehend how this demon in your stance has come to steal you away from me, the one I used to find shelter and compromise my sorrow, my defeats. There was a softer time, when your words were of encouragement, of stability and affection that I could never imagine could be taken away from me. Oaths to grow old and weary in one another’s presence were taken, but never in blood.
Broken, shattered, stained in the blood of my sacrifices for you. I’ve given my freedom, my opportunity for endurance in a severe, callous world for only a chance to revive the one I used to recognize. I find myself looking into the face of ruthless difference now, a stranger in my life.
As your allegations against my frailty and incompetence become clearer, I begin to find myself in a duller, more revealing light. While there were little flaws to be found when you were with me, there are flaws to be attended to now. A face of pallor and disgrace, with less than fortunate amount of thought within the unsightly head I possessed. Tears came often, and I buried myself alive, hoping to bypass a reality I wished ardently to forget.
Fall to winter, winter to spring, spring to summer…A season that provoked courage and innovative beginnings. I was calloused now, still locked in winter’s cold embrace. But there was a fervor in the air that would thaw my frigid heart, and find me anew as the seasons wore on.
As summer dwindled away and your comments never lessened. Without your constant and decimating guidance, I’d begun to understand…
Your only wish was to destroy me.
And as my gallantry escalated, I dismissed you permanently from my life.
But as time began to wear, and my hopelessness became great, I began to regret leaving you behind. I was so enthralled with the fonder memories of ago that I’d forgotten to let go and begin my greater purpose, fulfill my potential.
And so began the degradation of my story. What once was to be my new and fresh morning became the melancholy night in which I existed, but did not thrive. Food became uninteresting, a mere necessity I rarely practiced. Sleep was an escape, and my home was my sanctuary from the relentless isolation I was forced to endure. But what cut deepest of all the sharper points was one pleasure I’d long since forgotten to indulge.
I was incapable of writing poetry.
Oh, how I tried to start again, how I attempted to fling your memories from my mind. But they haunted me, disturbed what little peace that remained and gnarled it into what would be my downfall. I tried new prospective comrades as one tries on a lovely dress. But it did not fit, and I found myself preferring loneliness over the façade of faces I was allowing myself to associate with.
I gave you one last shot, and you treated me as a naughty servant, one as lowly as to sooner kiss your feet than be foolish and insolent enough to ask for your long missed embrace. You were nothing like the person I used to love as I did, nothing like you used to be.
Recovery has been nonexistent for now, but I remain persistent in my efforts to start over. However, writing on Mibba has been an escape, a place of homestead I can find with only wonderful compliments to be given, and I am positive I’ve found the manifestation of the path I am to take…in writing.
A portion of my confidence has been returned to its rightful owner, and I will continue with my endeavors to rid your memory permanently from my life.
Because demons like you will never haunt my tormented soul again.
And you, my dear, can count on that promise.
♠ ♠ ♠
by zombieLOVELY.