Steel Knife

Darren gripped onto the leather of his steering wheel, maneuvering his way home. He just spent about a hour and a half or so at a diner close to his office, spending time with a co-worker of his. Her name was Claudia and she was about as beautiful as they came. With long, chocolate brown hair and green eyes that sparkled like diamonds, Darren felt as if he didn’t have a girlfriend that weighed him down when he was with her.

Willow was different. When Darren had first met Willow she was absolutely gorgeous. She was smart, top of her class, a cheerleader, had a ton of friends. Then he came along and changed her. Some of it was for the better. Willow had sworn she fell in love with him the moment she saw him. Those tantalizing curls and beautiful hazel eyes drove her insane. But it wasn’t until they had been together for a year and a half that they decided to have their own place together.

Things became different. Darren was always at work and Willow couldn’t find a job. A few months passed and Willow’s mother died and sent her into a depression. This is where it all began. Willow closed herself off to Darren and never really opened back up. Darren grew just as far away from Willow as she pushed him, and he was suddenly falling for his co-worker. Willow knew. She always knew.

Sometimes Darren wondered why he put up with her. This relationship was slowly ruining him for all that he was worth. But really, Darren does know. It’s not for love, but for what pain he would feel if he left her.

When Darren started growing even farther away from Willow, it was just then that she became suicidal. She was so broken and hurt inside, she didn’t know what she was saying. She was sick. Don’t break up with me. If you break up with me, I’ll kill myself. I can’t live without you. You don’t love me anymore, do you? She was right. About everything,
The curly haired man scratched the top of his head as he open the garage door and slid his Volvo inside. He turned the car off and sat, listening to the orchestra of noises his car made after turning it off. He didn’t want to go inside. He knew Willow would be inside and she wouldn’t be happy. She was never happy. She would be extremely upset today because he was late coming home from work. Darren knew what she would accuse him of.

Mustering strength, he went up to the door and held it on the golden knob. Turning it slowly, he stepped inside. The TV was muted while clips of this week’s weather was playing in the background. Tossing his keys into the key bowl, Darren slid off his jacket and draped it over the leather couch. There were a few discarded clothes on the carpet from a few nights back, when Willow was in one of her moods and was feeling demanding.

“Darren.” Willow’s voice sounded like nails on a chalk board. Darren swallowed hard and turn around looking into the kitchen. There, Willow sat at the kitchen table, a fork and knife next to her side.

“Hey Will. Sorry I’m late, there was something going on down at the off-” Darren was attempting so hard to make it alright.

“Don’t lie to me, asshole.” Willow spat and shot Darren a glare from behind her frizzy, untamed golden locks. Hair that was once so gorgeous looked lifeless. She looked lifeless.

“I’m not lying.” Darren squeaked at took a look around the kitchen. Her anti-depressant pills were sitting on the island with the top unscrewed. Oh God…

Willow’s face was a splotchy red color, which had meant she was just crying. Her blue eyes were stained red and they were puffy all the way around. She wasn’t currently wearing any makeup, but Darren assumed she had just wiped it all off when she began to cry. Willow was dressed in an old t-shirt of Darren’s and she didn’t look to be wearing any pants. Her frail hands were wrapped around the silver fork and she kept tapping it against the wood of the kitchen table.

“You were with her, weren’t you?” Willow sneered and stood up. Darren backed away. “I can smell that cheep perfume from a mile away.” She twirled the fork around in her hand. Darren couldn’t help but want to scream. He knew where this was going. He’s seen this before.

“Do you have any idea how I feel when I know you’re with her? I feel like crap, Dare. I sit here in this stupid-ass apartment all day, waiting for you to come home and be with me. Because I need you Darren. And then you’re off with her. Do you not want to come home to me, Darren? Is that it? Do I not satisfy you anymore? Does she make you come harder than I’ve ever made you? That’s it, isn’t it? God, you’re so pathetic.”

“Stop it, Will! Just fucking stop!” Darren ripped the fork from Willow’s hand and threw it on the floor. She half gasped, half screamed and clung a hand to her heart. “I‘m not sleeping with Claudia! She’s just a friend!” Darren’s hazel eyes twitched, and that’s when he knew he was going to start crying. Crying from frustration, anger, sadness, pain.

“Maybe not, but you want to, don’t you?” And there Willow was again, making Darren feel like trash. Because yeah, Darren wants to be with Claudia physically. It’s not like Willow doesn’t find other men attractive. Darren doesn’t understand why he’s the one who’s always got to feel so goddamn guilty all the time.

“Will…that not true. You know I-I love you.” Darren stutters because his sobbing is making him not talk correctly. When Willow doesn’t say anything back he stands there in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the fork on the ground.

“Why are you crying? You’re always doing that. Making it seem like you’re the victim. Nothing is ever your fault, Darren! You’re just perfect, little Darren.” Her words are like venom and Darren wipes the side of his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

“I-I…I’m sorry.” Darren chokes out and sits down on a chair by the kitchen table.

“For what?” She spats.

“For being with Claudia. You were right, I shouldn’t of been with her. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Darren is slightly rocking back and forth while Willow looks down at him like a pathetic child. Before anything can register in Darren’s mind, Willow’s chapped lips are on Darren’s, moving slowly. He puts his hands on her frail waist, trying to pull her closer. Trying to forget about this. About everything.

“Show me how much you love me, Darren. Show me that you don’t want anyone else except for me. There’s only me, Darren.” And now Willow’s rambling against his lips and she finally settles herself on Darren’s lap. She moves slightly and lifts a hand up under his shirt. Darren tries his best to hid his cringe but fails. He can’t have sex with her now. Not when he feels like this.

“God, I knew it!” Willow screams just before slapping Darren across the face. She falls off his lap and onto the kitchen floor, sobbing, clutching her shirt. “I just knew it Darren! What happened to you? You used to want me. Love me! I don’t understand, Darren!”

Darren feels like shit. He stays silent as he watched his girlfriend of almost three years rock herself back and forth of the kitchen floor. Just a second later, he watched her lift the sleeves of her shirt, revealing red cuts that weren’t there yesterday. Which means she did it while he was out of Claudia. He really feels like an ass now.

“Darren, please! You’re everything to me. Everything. Why can’t you see that? I take those goddamn awful pills for you, Darren. But I shouldn’t even take them anymore. What’s the point? You’re never here anymore! You know, sometimes I think you’re just waiting for me to die.”

And then Darren’s sobbing again. He’s heard that before but it doesn’t ever stop hurting. He knows Willow isn’t trying to purposely hurt him. Darren rolls onto the ground with Willow and hold her in his arms, trying to be strong for her. He holds her tight as he feels her vibrate from her sobs. He can’t leave her now. Not like this. He’s not going to run away. Never.

xxx