Like We Used To

Maybe I should've expected it.. But honestly, it hurts. It really, truly hurts. It didn't cross my mind once that John would ignore me. That he wouldn't acknowledge my presence. But who am I to judge?

I stepped over the line. No wait, I stepped out of line. I knew how he felt about me coming back to tour. I knew and still decided to go against him. But I shouldn't be worrying about this. No, I've got bigger problems on my hands.

Like, finding Kyle and confessing my love for him. Begging him to take me back. Pleading for one last chance. 'Cause that's all I need. This one chance. That's it.

"Whatcha' plan?" Pat piped up, digging through the cabinets.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "Plan? All I have to do is tell him I love-"

"You don't have a plan?!" He exclaimed, spinning around. "Plan B? Or C?!

"I'm just assuming that-"

"There's no assuming!" He shrieked, grabbing me by the shoulders. "You have to act like he might possible say no! Or whatever. You need another plan!"

I scratched my head before sucking in my bottom lip. "Uh, I just- If he said no... I would fall to the ground and sob like a fucking baby."

"Good plan." He nodded, patting my shoulder.

"I was being sarcastic.." I trailed off.

He muttered something incoherent under his breath before sighing. "You need a back up plan, just in case.. y'know?"

"Yeah.. I getcha'." I nodded, running a hand through my hair.

Sometimes I don't think I should actually take Pat seriously. He just doesn't make since half of the time... I just couldn't help but take his words into reconsideration.

What if I do need a second plan? What would I do if Kyle said no? How would I react? I don't believe I could handle rejection.. again.

I glanced around the bus, my eyes instantly locking onto John's bunk curtain. I wonder how long John will stay upset with me.. We're usually cool with each other by now.

"What's eating at you?" Jared's muffled voice rang up.

I sighed and briefly glanced up at him. "John and uh, K-kyle.."

"Isn't that what it's always about?" He muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Like I've always said. Like I've always stressed out. Do what your heart wants. Don't listen to John or some shit, don't listen to your friends or even your family."

"Cause they surely wouldn't have let you and Kyle start dating." He mumbled. "They would've said that you're too young or that he would hurt you.. well, he kinda did..."

"I geddit, Jared." I laughed, patting his shoulder. "Thanks for your wise words or advice.. I'm going to talk to Kyle and maybe ruin my life.. again."

"Good luck," He ruffled my hair.

"Thanks." I breathed out, nervously brushing off my shirt. "Cause I'm gonna need it.."

He offered a small smile before wandering off, leaving me and my thought to myself.