Like We Used To

I couldn't help but feel incredibly overwhelmed with my nerves. I couldn't see straight, my hands were violently shaking. I was even tripping over my own two feet!

However, I could see him. My gaze narrowed in to see him seated in one of those foldable lawn chairs, under the tent that was right in front of the FTSK tour bus. Which was surprisingly surrounded with a handful of people.

My eyes began aimlessly roaming around as I anxiously tugged at my collar. This is it. My last fucking try. There's not going back, only forward.

Only forward.

I sucked in a deep breath and and began nervously fiddling with my fingers as I shuffled closer. I glanced up just as a few others guys did. Their eyes widened as they soon realized who I was, and what my intentions appeared to be.

Caleb nodded at me while propping up his two thumbs in approval. Marc sent me a sideways glance as he nudged Kent, a smirk quickly widening over his pearly whites.

I allowed a shaky breath to spill past my lips as I finally stood before Kyle. The atmosphere drastically changed from a jubilant, cheerful one to another that would remind you of a funeral.

I ran my tongue over my bottom lip as I peered down at him with my eyes nearly shut, praying for some reaction. He was clenching his hands together, starring at the ground in with an contorted expression.

"K-kyle," I breathed out, swallowing my pride. "I'm so fucking sorry. You can't- Will you please-"

"Stop." He suddenly lifted his calloused hand. "I'm tired of this fucking bullshit! This is all we ever do! There isn't a moment when you're completely happy! Ever."

My bottom lip trembled as tears began swimming in my eyes. "B-bu-"

"No!" He hissed, frantically scrambling to his feet. "I have sat here and thought and just replayed everything we've ever had."

He paused briefly, a look of pure hatred glistening in his eyes. "It wasn't worth it. I've wasted too much time on you as it is! My Father will never fucking accept it. I don't want to fucking except it! This is a damn mess. You're so fucking useless. A mother-fucking teacher. Go back to Marcie. Get a life. Grow some fucking Balls."

He stopped ranting, his chest heaving with every breath he inhaled. I hung my head in shame and guilt, nodding desperately, trying to mask my emotions.

"If that's how you really feel..." I spoke quietly.

"Damn right it is." He nodded.

I wiped my nose and peered up at him, my eyes roaming over every curve he had. His gaze was locked onto my shaking body, as if he expected me to break down.

I sucked in a breath and clenched my eyes shut, forcing my feet to shuffle around. "I guess t-this is it." I stammered, meeting his gaze.

I would like to believe his glare softened for a split seconds as we locked eyes. But then I would be telling a lie, wouldn't I?

He nodded stiffly.

"Bye K-kyle." I breathed out, spinning around on my heel, frantically running towards the bus.

I couldn't help but wonder if he felt regret. Did he feel guilty? Was he still starring after me? Was he even paying attention to the sound my shoes created when they met the ground? Was his eyes tracing my retreating form?

Or was he telling the truth? Does he really honestly, hate me now? Could it been possible that he was just too scared to admit the truth? Could I have changed his reaction with a simple gesture or smile? Was this the last time I would see him? Was this my choice?

Fuck me sideways.