Like We Used To

Going home wasn't an option. I mean, in my head it wasn't. However, John has a whole different plan for my life since I obviously disrespected his rules and orders in the beginning of tour.

You can't blame me though, right?

"Cheer up," Kennedy spoke, "John can't control you at home."

What the fuck is he saying? He can control me now? Well.. I mean, he can, but, well, never mind... An idea suddenly struck me.

He can't control me at home!

He can't control me off the bus!

"Are you okay?" Kennedy inquired, sending me an odd look, "I was just trying to help you out, y'know? You look like you needed it."

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, lunging at him, "You just gave me the best idea!"

"Okay.. you're welcome?" He shot me a quizzical look, "I'm starting to regret saying whatever I said.."

"He can't control me off of the bus!" I explained, grinning, "So, if I happen to catch a ride with someone else he can't-"

"No." He shook his head, "That's a terrible idea. You're only risking you and John's relationship by doing that."

"But Ken-"

"I said no!" He said sternly, crossing his arms, "That's not what I meant yesterday."

"But you said-"

"I never said to convince John to hate you," He sighed, "Do whatever the hell you want. It's not even any of my damn business."

He lurched around, his shoulders sagging as he began trudging towards the bunks. I let out a deep breath, one that I didn't realize I was holding.

"But you want it to be.." I called after him, lifting my gaze to his tensed up torso.

He glanced back at me, a tired and stressful expression etching across his face. He brought a hand to rub his stubble covered chin, a thoughtful expression in his gaze.

"I used to." He corrected, "People change. You should know that from experience."

I nodded, allowing his words to sink in, "Why didn't you ever saying anything?"

"I didn't think it was worth a shot," He shrugged, "You were getting back with Kyle and I was afraid John would skin me alive."

"You deserve happiness." I murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze, "You'll find somebody worth giving a shot."

"I sure hope so." He laughed, ruffling my hair

"Don't worry about it," I sighed, stepping back, "I'm a wreck. Nothing seems to work for me. However, I am going to take your advice."

"Good." He nodded, "I really hope everything works out for you."

"Me too." I murmured, "Me too."

________

I sat awkwardly perched in one of the many lawn chairs that was underneath the merch tent. I glanced out towards the set up of the stage, my unsure smile turning into a scowl as John waved towards me.

Bitch.

"You know he means well," Vito piped up, "He's just a crazy ass at time."

"At times," I scoffed, "There wasn't a time that I can recall when we were younger when he didn't tell me what to do!"

"Well," He sighed, scratching his head, "I never saw you complaining 'till now."

"It didn't involve my love life!" I exclaimed, flailing my arms, "He's making my own decisions. He ruins everything! That's fucked up beyond.. dammit. It's just fucked up."

He shot me a worrisome look, "Maybe you should go blow off some steam? I mean, I think you need to clear your head. John's just looking out for you. I shouldn't have to tell you that either."

I sighed, casting my gaze towards the ground, "I wish he would just stop. I understand, really, I do. But sometimes I just need to take the fall and learn my lesson. Take now for example, if he would have let me got my heart broken in high school I may have some knowledge to know what to do!"

"Google it," He offered, "That's solves all my issues. Don't even get me started on the crazy shit Tim googles.. I mean, you guys should be concerned for your lives!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever, Tim is a perfectionist. Like he would trust strangers to give him advice."

"Believe what you want," He raised his hands, "But when you guys find yourself in the middle of nowhere, lost 'cause he wanted to find a decent cheap place to sleep, don't come crying to me."

"What?" I scoffed, "I wouldn't come crying to you. I would go crying to John, he solves all of my problems."

"Oh, wait," He paused, cupping his ear, "Did I hear correctly? Weren't you just complaining about how you wish he would stop? I think-"

"You fucking set me up!"

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"You're a fucking-"

"Whoa, language, potty mouth," Pat's obnoxious voice yelled, "Someone needs to wash their fucking mouth out with fucking soap!"

"You hypocrite!" I huffed, "And, that's an appositive. You fail at grammar."

"Pat's positive?"

"He has aids?"

"I though that mean pregnant.." Garrett trailed off

"No you dip shit, that's a girl!" John whacked him across the head, "Maybe if you would get your nose out of your-"

"Finish that sentence O'Callaghan!" Garrett dared

"Fucking phone maybe you'll learn something." John smirked

"Whatever," Garrett muttered, stalking off

"Alright, Drama Queen!" John called after him, "Be a bitch! See who hides one of Pat's cupcakes for you!"

"What?"

I starting back up, growing concerned with the lethal look embedding itself onto Pat's usual carefree face. I glanced back at Vito, he was clearly ignoring the crazy fiasco fixing to erupt.

"You have ten fucking seconds to get your scrawny white ass away from my fucking mouth." Pat warned, snapping his teeth

I inwardly winced, squinting my eyes for effect.

"What?" John's jaw dropped, "Shouldn't you be up Garrett's ass about this too?"

"Seven... six..."

I turned away, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion at the loud laughter erupting from the opposite side. I narrowed my eyes as an all too familiar head of hair sat lounged in a lawn chair, his gaze directed towards me.