Paint It Black

Sunny's POV

I didn't know what I wanted to do. I felt the need to get away; as I always feel the need to. I just wanted my mind to stop pacing for a moment. I needed my pills.

I sat in my room, my phone turned off, and I cradled my knees to my chest, the best I could. I wanted to drift away for a few moments, just for a little while. I closed my eyes, and tried to rid the small light that the string lights caused.

Then came a faint knock on my door. I opened my eyes, hearing it creep open, and there stood Butcher. The only person who gave two fucks about me. The only guy who never left me.

"Sunny?" he called out, "What happen?"

I shut my eyes again, "I want to disappear, Butcher."

He heard him walk into my room, shut the door and sit on the edge of my bed. "Why?"

"I'm tired."

"What'd he say?"

"I want to disappear," I repeated, ignoring his question.

"Sunny, please, tell me what he said." Butcher scooted closer.

I opened my eyes, sighing, "He said he couldn't be around me until we got a DNA test." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry Sunny," Butcher scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me, "What did you tell him?" he let go of me and looked at my lap.

"I told him to fuck himself," Butcher chuckled and looked up at me.

"What are you really feeling?" he pulled me beside him, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

"Feeling?" I mumbled, "Do I have to tell you how I'm feeling?"

"Yes, because I don't want you to become depressed again."

I sighed, "I want to crawl in a hole for a while."

"What else?"

"I hate everyone...besides my friends." 

Butcher squeezed his arm around me, "Do you hate him?"

I shrugged, "I don't know," I rubbed my neck, "everything was going so good."

He sighed, "I know."

"I think I'm going to be sick."
-

I turned my phone off for the last week, and only left the house for my appointments. Butcher had been forcing me to exercise still, and to paint, too. I didn't object, I just took the days as they came.

It was my second week of being shut off from the world, when Gabe came to visit. He usually hung out with Bill, but he came and saw me. 

I was sitting in the backyard, on the porch swing Butcher set up. He came out, smiling at me with a small wrapped gift.

"Hey, I heard you're having a kid," he sat beside me.

"Yeah...and happy birthday," I told him, "I bought you something."

Gabe smiled, "I got you something too, even if your birthday isn't for another two weeks," he sat the purple gift on my lap.

"What is it?" I asked, shaking it. 

"Open it," he pushed, "it's sort of a now present."

I shrugged, pulling the wrapping off, and pulling the top off. Inside was something laminate; I pulled it out, revealing a backstage press pass for a Green Day concert on my birthday.

"What?" I looked at him, "A press pass for the upcoming Green Day concert?"

He nodded, "Yeah, you still like them right?"

I smiled at him, "Yes, thanks Gabe. How did you get it?"

"They were short on photographers and I threw your name in and they agreed."

"This is wonderful," I hugged him, sideways, "thank you, Gabe, really."

"It's no big deal, besides, you need something to get you moving, right?" he dropped his arm around my shoulder.

"I guess, I never really thought about working that much."

"Don't think of it as working...think of it as more going to a free show," he grinned.

"It's not nearly as good as what I got you." I told him.

"What'd you get me?" he nudged at my side.

"I'll give it to you tonight when we go out," I rolled my eyes at him.

He frowned, "But I gave you yours early!"

I sighed, "Fine," I stood up, holding the box and pass, "follow me, mug."

Gabe followed me back into the house, where Bill, Sisky, Carden, and Butcher were in the kitchen. I waved to them, and passed Michael as we made our way upstairs.

Gabe stood at my vanity, while I went to my closet and got his present. I pulled out the large box, the wrapping shined as I held it up. He smiled down at me, "Wow, this must be a sweater," he joked.

"Asshole," I scoffed, "just open it."

He chuckled, and took it from me. He went over to my bed, sat and began peeling the wrapping off. I sat beside him, crossing my leg. He opened the top and gazed inside, he smiled up at me.

"You didn't," he grinned.

"I did."

He pulled his present out, revealing a white and purple letterman's jacket with Gabe Saporta sewn across the back. The breast had Cobra Starship across it. He held it up, turning it and checking it out.

"This is awesome, Sunny," he grinned, "how did you get this?"

"Next to the art shop is this little sowing shop and the idea popped into my head," I explained.

"This is fucking awesome, seriously," he pulled me into a hug, "Thank you, Sunny."

"No problem, Gabe," we parted, and pecked his cheek.
-

Later that night, everyone went out to the bar. I, of course, was sipping on cola the entire night. It was alright, I got to be with my friends, and didn't think about my current situation.

I sat with Gabe, who was already quite buzzed, and thanking me over and over about his gift. I had to clamp my hand over his mouth a few times.

"Can you help me to the car?" he asked drunkly.

I nodded, "Come on," I slid out of the booth, waving to Bill and Carden as they bought more drinks.

Gabe hung lazily onto my arm as I led him out the bar. I had the keys in my hand, since I was the designated driver, and led him to the car. I unlocked the car, and helped into the passenger seat, I sat in the driver seat.

"Thank you," he gulped tiredly.

"It's cool, Gabe."

"Can you play some music?" he slurred to me.

"What do you want to listen to?" I asked, grabbing Butcher's docked iPod.

"Phantom Planet," he murmured, leaning the seat back.

"Any album?"

"The Guest."

I obliged, and put on Phantom Planet for him. He made me skip California, and forward to Lonely Day. I leaned in my seat, listening to it with him. The sky began to thunder, from miles away, and I looked out at the light blue electric signs.

"It's gonna rain," Gabe said softly, "I like the rain."

"Me too," I told him.

"Sunny, can I tell you something?" he gulped again.

"Yeah?" he looked over at him.

He looked over at me, his eyes glazed over, and a few droplets of water started to pour onto the car; "I've always liked you."

"I like you, too, Gabe," I told him; a One Ray of Sunlight began to play.

"No," he sat up, "I really like you...I have a crush on you," he chuckled at this.

"Oh," was all I could muster, "really?"

He nodded, "Yep...I thought you were the prettiest girl I ever seen when I met you."

I blushed, "I was pregnant when I met you."

He shrugged, "It made you prettier."

I huffed with a giggle, "You're drunk, Gabriel."

He nodded, "Doesn't mean I'm not honest." I shook my head and grew quiet. Gabe hummed along until the song changed, "Play Panic at the Disco for me."

"Okay."

I turned off Phantom Planet and played Panic at the Disco for him. He chose Pretty. Odd. and turned up Do You Know What I'm Seeing?

"Do you love him?" Gabe asked shortly after the song started.
 
"Who?" I asked quietly.

"Frank."

I rolled my eyes, "Gabe...I don't want to get into that."

He hummed softly, "Mikey told me you guys were fighting and to not bring him up."

"Then why did you?" I looked over at him.

"To see if I had a chance at asking you out." he gave me a crooked smile and I couldn't help but smile too.

"Everything is so messed up right now, Gabe. Another time...we could've had a chance. And I'm pregnant."

He nodded, "I still like you."

I shook my head again, smiling, "I still like you, too, Gabe."
-

I sought Gabe as nothing more than a friend, and he was. He was sweet on me, making me feel good about myself, and helping me around. He said he was staying until the concert, which I had no problem with. It felt good to have my friends around.

Gabe kept me entertained most nights, when Butcher went to record with the guys, and when Jack was busy shoot them for their upcoming DVD. We spent most of those nights on the couch, watching 80's movies and pigging out.

"Hey, when did you get that?" he asked; we were both on the couch, and I leaned over to grab my blanket that fell on the floor.

"What?" I looked around my body.

"The swallow tattoo," he pointed to my pudgy hip.

"Oh," I had nearly forgotten it was there, "when I was 18...for some stupid guy."

He chuckled, "You should get Void in big, stenciled letters across it."

"Yeah, if I'm really drunk," I rolled my eyes.

"And what's up with your phone? How come you turned it off all the time?" he pointed to my phone, that was on the coffee table, turned off.

"I didn't want to talk to anyone," I put it simply.

"What about mama bear?" he nudged me.

"If she really needs to talk to me, she calls Butcher. I warned her that I was turning it off."

"You have it all figured out, don't you?"

I sighed, "No, I just wanted to be left alone. I know just how to do that."

Gabe frowned at me, sat up and grabbed it from it's place. He switched it on, and it instantly started to ring. I sighed, grabbing it from him; it was Meghan.

"Meg, what's up?" I put the phone to my ear.

"I'm coming to visit you," she started quickly, "I have to write a few reviews for a show there, and it's near your birthday, so I'm coming."

"Okay, but it's pretty boring."

"I need to see my buddy! You're so sad, and pregnant, and probably hating the world."

"Hit the nail right on the head, Megs."

"I feel sorry for you, and I love ya to pieces! I'm bringing Mikey with me, if that's okay."

I sighed, "It's cool...I guess."

She yelped happily, "I can't wait to see you!"

"Yeah...me too Meg."