Paint It Black

I turned my phone back on and got a few calls from everyone in California, practically. Mainly magazine reporters who needed photographers and then Pete, Brendon, and a few others I rarely ever talked to.

I accepted the jobs, but told them I couldn't travel, and they were happy to send the artist to the magazine's on sight warehouse. I needed a job, needed money, I couldn't be dependent on Butcher forever. I had a few line ups in the week leading up to my birthday, and then I was good. 

The bands I was shooting, where The Young Veins, whom I was excited about seeing, these young kid's from Warped tour, Pierce the Veil and Escape The Fate. I hadn't really listened to them.

The first ones were the Young Veins. I drove myself to the sight, and met everyone inside.

"Hey! Long time no see!" Jon was the first to meet me. I smiled, rushing over and hugging him.

"Hey Jon!" I let go, "How's your fiancée?"

"Cassie is great," he smiled back, "I heard you're having a baby?" he eyed me up and down.

I nodded, "Uh, yeah, I am."

He made a face, "With Tyler?"

I rolled my eyes, "God, don't bring him up, please."

"He's an asshole," he agreed.

"Okay, where's Ross?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Makeup," he nodded towards the back.

I shook my head, "Just like him."

I began to set up, checking the lenses, helping with the set, and meeting the rest of the band. They were all pretty cool, and seemed a bit shy.

"Sunny, hey kid," Ryan came over to me while I had been setting up my camera.

"Ryan," I smiled, hugging his swiftly, "how are you?"

"Great...and uh, the rumors are true?" he pointed to my stomach.

"No," I sighed, "it isn't Tyler's, so don't believe a word."

He nodded, "Thank God," he mumbled.

"Tell me about it."

The shoot went over well, and rather quickly. I delivered the photos to the magazine offices and went on my way home. Photo shoots were okay, but I hated the whole makeup, sets, and having assistants around. I liked my shoots to be raw and fun.

"How was it?" Butcher asked when I arrived home.

"Usual," I shrugged, "I'm a little tired."

He helped me to the couch, and sat me down. I kicked my feet up, and pulled a throw pillow over my belly.

"How far along are you again?" Butcher asked.

"Almost 5 months," I told him.

"Wow," he mumbled, "it feels like just yesterday I was holding your hair back, wondering if I had poisoned you."

We both chuckled, "Yeah, I know."

He tweaked his lips a little, "Have you talked to any of them?" he asked softly.

"I don't really want to talk to either...I don't need them."

He smiled at me, "I'm surprised I didn't have to become Super Butcher."

"I don't want you to be Super Butcher. I should fight my own battles."

"You shouldn't be fighting any battles."

"4 more months and it'll all be over," I sighed heavily.
-

The next day, I sat outside, in the backyard, and rocked gently. I held my stomach, as it was becoming tight, and the baby was starting to move more now. The Chicago air relaxed me more than anything, too.

I rocked back and forth, holding my phone, thinking about calling Frank. More than that I wanted to call Tyler and yell at him. I wanted to vent so badly, and I wanted a cigarette.

I looked at my phone and turned it on. I looked through my numbers and dialed Tyler's quickly. I pressed my phone to my ear and listened to the ringing. Within a few rings, he picked up.

"Sunny," he replied happily.

"Don't 'Sunny' me you son of a bitch," I stood, abruptly.

"What's wrong?" he played innocently.

"You know exactly what's wrong!" I paced the stone porch, "Why are spreading lies about us?"

"I'm not spreading lies," again, innocent, "I'm just telling the truth."

"You and I both know that you aren't the father of my baby."

"The condom broke," he said quickly.

"No it didn't! Why are you lying?" I shouted angrily.

"I didn't tell you. I didn't want to upset you."

I groaned loudly, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because, it could be my baby, too."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "All of a sudden you tell me? After I get together with Frank, after my mom told you I was pregnant?"

He sighed, "I know it was wrong of me to keep that from you, but I--"

"Tyler, do me a huge favor and leave me alone. For the rest of my life, don't call me, don't email me, don't text me, just leave me alone."

"What about when--"

I cut him off again, "When my baby is born, I'll have my mom tell you, and then we'll get a fucking test done, okay?" I hung up my phone quickly.

I continued to pace the porch, just as the rain began to fall. I sighed heavily and turned, and walked back into the house. I slammed the sliding door shut and leaned against it.

"Sunny?" Butcher called me, "What happened?"

I dropped my phone and pressed my palms to my face and began to cry. It was the hard crying, where the tears wouldn't stop, my heart beat fast, and my shoulders moved up and down quickly. I hated this type of crying.

"Sunny," I could hear Butcher approach, and then rush over to me, pulling me into his arms, "what's wrong?"

I sobbed so hard that I couldn't talk. I could barely breathe, I could barely keep hold of myself. I was having another breakdown.
-

I don't remember falling asleep, or even moving from my spot against the sliding door. I woke up in Butcher's bed, tucked nicely underneath his grey comforter. My head pounded, my eyes hurt, and my stomach ached. I sat up, looking around the darken room, and pulled the comforter off my body; I was still in my gym shorts and black tank top, but my white socks were gone.

I got out the bed, and could hear whispered talking from behind the closed door. I tip toed across the room, and pressed my ear to the door.

"I'm going to kill him," I heard Butcher say, "I'm getting real sick of what they're doing to her."

"What are you doing to do? Go all the way to LA to confront them?" I heard Jack, "I'm tired of her being depressed too, but it's her business, we can't interfere, even if we want to."

"You didn't see her, Jack. She was crying, she couldn't breathe! And what if something happens with the baby? She'll never come back from that," Butcher's voice was tight, and sounded hard.

There was a sigh, from Jack, "Maybe she needs to get away?"

"I thought about that, but we can't go far, because of her pregnancy."

"Maybe for her birthday, we can take her the museum, and go to that old theater, y'know, where they show the old movies she likes."

The next soft sigh came from Butcher, "Maybe we should call her mom or somethin'," he uttered slowly, "she can help, right? She can take care of Sunny for a while, or move her to California?"

I leaned against the door, feeling my chest heave. I felt my heart and stomach churn. Did he want me to leave?

"You want her to leave?" Jack exclaimed loud enough for me to hear and step back.

I couldn't hear Butcher's response, and I don't think I wanted to. I wanted to crawl in a deep dark hole and hide until it was time for me to come out.

I knew Butcher cared about me, but maybe I was becoming too much for him. Maybe I was too much of a burden. He didn't want me around anymore, I served no purpose being here. I should be on my own anyway...