Paint It Black

When we both had woken up, a nurse had knocked on the door. I helped Sunny sit up and moved a little off the bed. She held my hand as the nurse had given her some vitamins.

"We need to fill out the birth certificate and then you can see your baby," the nurse, Jenna I think, smiled at us. She seemed nice.

"Is he okay?" Sunny asked.

"Yep. He's just fine, you can go see him in the recovery room. And congratulations." The nurse continued to smile and brought out the certificate. Our baby weighed 5 pounds and 7 ounces; was born on February 14, at 3:27 pm. "What's the name?" she asked next.

Sunny looked at me, unsure, "Uh...well...Frank?" 

I bit at my lip and held back a wide smile; "Frank Joseph Iero," I told her. I spelt the name out for her.

The nurse smiled and wrote his name down, then had us sign at the appropriate places. The thing seemed so surreal, and my stomach knotted as I wrote my name down. 
-

Sunny could barely walk as we made our way to the small recovery room. The room seemed like a hospital room for babies; each was separated with a wall. Sunny leaned on me as the nurse, Jenna, led us to our baby. 

I squeezed her arm as we got closer, and soft cries met our ears. The nurse stopped us by his; "There he is," she smiled nicely, "he's asleep."

We both nodded and made our way to his covered incubator. There were medium sized holes at the sides of the incubator, and tubes coming in and out of his mouth. A massive lump grew in my throat as I looked at the monitors beep around him. They were the only thing keeping him alive.

Sunny held her mouth and let go of me. She walked, the best she could, to his side and grabbed the chair, that was beside one of the monitors, and sat. She stuck her hand into the incubator and touched his small hand; his chest move slowly up and down. I made my way to Sunny's side and grabbed the other chair.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured to him, "I'm so sorry. Mommy didn't mean to." Fat, salty tears rolled down her cheeks, "I was being so selfish and stupid."

I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed gently. She sobbed again, and rubbed his tiny fingers; this entire hand barely wrapped around her index finger. She dropped her head and continued to cry, holding her mouth and trying to keep calm.

"Shh...it's okay," I told her.

"It's all my fault," she continued to blame herself.

"No it isn't," I squeezed her again, "stop blaming yourself."

She looked at me, "I could have prevented this. I could have told my doctor that he was kicking harder, that it was hurting me, but I didn't." she used her right hand to wipe her tears, "I was afraid! I was being such an idiot, so stupid."

I coursed my hair, and squeezed her again. There was merely nothing that I could do. She wouldn't listen to me, and I didn't want to yell at her.

"I love you, no matter what, Sunny. You know that, right?"

She looked over at me, her finger still wrapped up with our son's hand, "Yes."

"Stop blaming yourself, please? This little...bump in our lives, happened for a reason.  Okay? The only thing you can do is move forward and do what's best for him." I exasperated softly.

"I can't help but feel responsible." she murmured.

"Then I should feel just as responsible because I'm his dad. He's half of me, and I'm gonna fuck up more than you."

She gave me a soft smile, "You won't."

I shook my head, smiling back, "I will, you just won't let me admit it."

She sighed softly, "I know."

I kissed her temple and looked down at our son. He was lying on his back, his face facing us, and I noticed all the hair he had. It was black, or a dark brown, and it made me smile. His lips were turned down like Sunny's, his skin was pale like mine, and he had a button nose just like Sunny's. I couldn't tell, really, if he were truly mine, but I felt the small connection in my heart that he was.

"Can we call him Joey?" Sunny asked a second later, "I don't want to mix you guys up."

I nodded, "Yeah. I like it."

"Sort of paying homage to Joey Ramone, God rest his soul." A smile tugged at the edge of her lips.

"Anything you want, Sun."
-

When the recovery room visiting hours were finished, I helped Sunny back into her room. The nurses said we'd be able to see Joey in the morning, and as soon as he was healthy, everyone else could see him too.

I had, had everyone go back to the hotel to rest and told them to come back later. I was tired, too, but I stuck by Sunny's side. She had tried to get me to go, but I didn't want to.

"You should shower and eat. It's been two days," she told me.

"Are you telling me I stink?" I nudged her.

Sunny chuckled softly, "A little."

"Fine," I huffed, "but I'll be back soon."

She nodded, "I know."

I kissed the crown of her head, and got off her bed. I waved to her, just as I left the room, and saw her smile.