God Made Friends So Everyone Wouldn't Kill Themselves
Chapter 15
It was Friday night, and Trevor and I decided to go back to the little town we happened apon those couple weeks ago. It was a town by the lake. We walked along the beach for a while. I thought it was the perfect time to ask my question, but Trevor interrupted my thoughts.
"Sam, I have to ask you a question." He was looking down at the dark sand, while holding his shoes in his hands.
"What is it?" I asked. I looked at him, but he was still staring down.
"I don't mean to invade, if this is private, but, I was wondering. Have you ever cut yourself?" Now he looked up, his green eyes reflected the amazingly beautiful sunset behind me. They were so piercing I had to look away.
I knew I had to tell him the truth. And I knew he wouldn't judge me if he knew; he is too nice. "Yes, actually, I have. After my brother died, I felt terrible about what I said to him. I thought that that would take the pain away." I looked back at him, staring hard, despite the glare of his glassy eyes. "But I was wrong. Nothing can make you feel better about what you did or said, especially pain. You just have to forgive yourself, and hope that person forgave you."
He stopped walking. I stopped next to him. He looked scared and curious, at the same time. "Um, Sam? I was wondering... can I see the scars?" He was staring at me. I knew he was serious.
I lifted my arm, and he pulled my sleeve up. Slowly, I saw the Y, then the D, and finally the N and the A that, backwards, spelled the word that haunted me for so long. Now I felt that instead of haunting me, those letters I marked in myself stood for something, something that was gone, but not forgotten.
Trevor's eyes were filled with wonder. I thought that maybe, maybe, he was cooking up something in that wild mind of his.
I quickly pulled my sleeve back down. "Don't you ever do it!" I almost yelled. He jumped, surprised by my sudden outburst. Tears started building up. "I don't want you to hurt yourself like I did. After I did it, I regretted it completely. Trevor, if anything happened to you, I swear, I'd-" Now they came. I started sobbing. I held tightly to Trevor, wanting, needing, support. He wrapped his arms around me.
He knew I was scared for him. "Sam. I would never do that. I learned from you that hurting yourself like that is not just scarring your skin, it scars your heart. Sam, I care about you too much to do that."
His body against mine was so comforting, I wanted to fall asleep. I now knew he was special. Someone more than just a friend. I lifted my head and looked at him. He looked back at me. Again, his eyes were amazing. But I didn't look away this time. I took the moment in, the feeling, the bond. I whispered, "I love you."
His eyes smiled. And, eventually, his mouth caught up. He smiled his wonderful smile and replied, "I love you, too." He wiped the tears from my face. I smiled again. I knew what would happen. He leaned in, and I felt his warm lips on mine. I was dizzy, but I loved the feeling. It was like we were floating, the sea breeze blowing us away. He eventually came up for air, and I looked at him. He was so handsome, more than I had ever imagined. He was perfect: his small smile, the dark hair, the stunning green eyes. He whispered in my ear, making it tickle. "Do you mind?" He asked.
"Not at all." I leaned back in, smiling against his lips. This time it left like hours. I wrapped my arms around him, and he cradled my chin with his hand. It was better than magic. I knew I could trust him.
"Sam, I have to ask you a question." He was looking down at the dark sand, while holding his shoes in his hands.
"What is it?" I asked. I looked at him, but he was still staring down.
"I don't mean to invade, if this is private, but, I was wondering. Have you ever cut yourself?" Now he looked up, his green eyes reflected the amazingly beautiful sunset behind me. They were so piercing I had to look away.
I knew I had to tell him the truth. And I knew he wouldn't judge me if he knew; he is too nice. "Yes, actually, I have. After my brother died, I felt terrible about what I said to him. I thought that that would take the pain away." I looked back at him, staring hard, despite the glare of his glassy eyes. "But I was wrong. Nothing can make you feel better about what you did or said, especially pain. You just have to forgive yourself, and hope that person forgave you."
He stopped walking. I stopped next to him. He looked scared and curious, at the same time. "Um, Sam? I was wondering... can I see the scars?" He was staring at me. I knew he was serious.
I lifted my arm, and he pulled my sleeve up. Slowly, I saw the Y, then the D, and finally the N and the A that, backwards, spelled the word that haunted me for so long. Now I felt that instead of haunting me, those letters I marked in myself stood for something, something that was gone, but not forgotten.
Trevor's eyes were filled with wonder. I thought that maybe, maybe, he was cooking up something in that wild mind of his.
I quickly pulled my sleeve back down. "Don't you ever do it!" I almost yelled. He jumped, surprised by my sudden outburst. Tears started building up. "I don't want you to hurt yourself like I did. After I did it, I regretted it completely. Trevor, if anything happened to you, I swear, I'd-" Now they came. I started sobbing. I held tightly to Trevor, wanting, needing, support. He wrapped his arms around me.
He knew I was scared for him. "Sam. I would never do that. I learned from you that hurting yourself like that is not just scarring your skin, it scars your heart. Sam, I care about you too much to do that."
His body against mine was so comforting, I wanted to fall asleep. I now knew he was special. Someone more than just a friend. I lifted my head and looked at him. He looked back at me. Again, his eyes were amazing. But I didn't look away this time. I took the moment in, the feeling, the bond. I whispered, "I love you."
His eyes smiled. And, eventually, his mouth caught up. He smiled his wonderful smile and replied, "I love you, too." He wiped the tears from my face. I smiled again. I knew what would happen. He leaned in, and I felt his warm lips on mine. I was dizzy, but I loved the feeling. It was like we were floating, the sea breeze blowing us away. He eventually came up for air, and I looked at him. He was so handsome, more than I had ever imagined. He was perfect: his small smile, the dark hair, the stunning green eyes. He whispered in my ear, making it tickle. "Do you mind?" He asked.
"Not at all." I leaned back in, smiling against his lips. This time it left like hours. I wrapped my arms around him, and he cradled my chin with his hand. It was better than magic. I knew I could trust him.