Status: I'll update pretty fast...if you want?
You Don't Have to Be Alone
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
Parker's POV
All of the memories washed over me. I couldn't control them anymore. Everything turned into a movie as it started again.
*Flashback*
I ran into Wednesday's room like always to wake her up. Well, it wasn't really her room but she snuck into the guest bedroom pretty much every night so I'd have someone around in case things got bad with my parents. She was such a heavy sleeper and she always said that she didn't even need an alarm with me.
I was pretty loud around Wednesday. I could be myself around her. I tackled the lump of what I thought was Wednesday. Instead, I tackled her pillows and her favorite stuffed squirrel. Why my sixteen year old best and only friend needed a stuffed animal, I didn't know.
I grabbed her squirrel and ran downstairs. Maybe she got up early to make me pancakes. Oddly enough, that would be just like her. We were the normal brother and sister, except she's not my sister exactly. She was my only friend. I think something bad happened at her house, so she lived at mine now. I don't know it my parents ever noticed.
Wednesday wasn't like me. She was popular and went to lots of parties and all the boys liked her. She never paid them any attention.
I guess she didn't want them to take her home one night (She never takes anyone to our house.) and run into my mother. Mum most likely would have a Vodka bottle and a cigarette packet in her hands, a possibly unlit cigarette between her lips. She was like that all the time. Some mornings she didn't get up and when she did she wore her pajamas.
My father was the opposite. He was sober almost all the time, but that's what made him scarier. He was the more violent of the two. He hit me all the time, called me horrible things, made me get a job and pay to live there even though I couldn't move, encouraged other people to hurt me, tripped me, locked me in my room, would go days without feeding me, and would burn me with the lighter he kept in his pocket in case he got the opportunity to get his hands on a cigar. Mum only ever burnt me with her cigarettes, or maybe if she got really drunk (And she was always really drunk.) she would slap me.
I looked around and couldn't see her. Where the hell was she? I was starting to panic and could feel the tears rising. 'Snap out of it, Parker,' I remember thinking. 'Her shift probably got switched last night and I was already asleep. I sat down at the kitchen table to do some of my leftover homework. In case you didn't already know, memorizing the periodic table sucks. My teachers had finally got wind of (And I hate that phrase.) the fact that I was gay and had decided that I should get some extra work. I mean, what normal 7th grader has to memorize this useless crap? The good thing is Wednesday was always willing to help though.
Finally, I finished it and it was almost 4 PM. Why wasn't Wednesday home? THEY'D be home soon. I got tired and wanted to go to sleep, but it was time to make dinner. If I didn't, I'd be in for it. I made roast beef, carrots, and mashed potatoes. Of course, I wouldn't be eating the roast beef. I doubted I would get any of it, but I could still hope, right? I was so hungry. Just as my resolve not to eat was about to break, the door opened.
I squeaked, excitedly. I ran into the living room, where I was sure Wednesday would be taking her coat and shoes off and be waiting for a hug.
I froze when I saw who was really there. My mother had actually left the house that day. I was pretty sure she'd gone to buy more liquor because that's all she ever left the house for. She came in with a man, or more a boy. He couldn't have been more than a few years older than Wednesday. They both smelled funny. It wasn't something I'd smelled before and I didn't want to smell it again.
They needed to take a shower. Gross! Then, Mum turned to the kid and kissed him. I shrank back in shock. It wasn't a friendly little peck on the cheek. They both sank to the ground and I ran to my room. I could hear the moans even in there with my cheap CD player at its loudest. I could also hear when my father got home.
I heard the screams of pain and my father's yells of rage. I knew my father was beating up, possibly killing the boy downstairs. My mother stomped upstairs, throwing a temper tantrum like a three year old. She paused at my door, seeing me curled up in the farthest corner of my room.
For a second, I thought she would come over and comfort me like she never had, even when I was a baby. Instead, she screamed, shrilly. "Alexi! The boy heard the entire thing! He could have stopped me, but he just hid like the nothing he is! Jake-I mean the boy down there, used me! You know it was the drugs! And this thing-"
I covered my ears, not wanting to hear the rest. Unfortunately, putting hands over your ears isn't that great a way to block things out. I could hear everything. I had to bury my face in my knees, so no one could see my tears. I never cried in front of anyone, even Wednesday. There's no point when no one's there to save you. It stayed like that for what seemed like forever, as my mother pleaded her case to my father.
Finally, came the feeling I'd been expected. I was yanked off the ground by my hair. My dangling feet struggled to touch the ground before the rational part of my mind stopped them. I'd learned the beatings were shorter the more I held still. His fist slammed into me and It felt like all the bones in my face were breaking. I barely held back a scream of agony. I was hit across the face and stomach a few times; my mother getting in a slap whenever she could. My father drove his knee up between my legs and I couldn't hold back a small whimper. All this earned me, was another sharp slap.
I was dropped and I hit the ground, creating a jarring pain in my knees. I curled up into a little ball and stayed there until long after they left. It was the first time Wednesday hadn't come to help me. I stayed waiting for her to come back. She didn't.
*End Flashback*
I spent every free second (Which wasn't a lot of time.) waiting at the door for her, but she never came back. It took me almost a month to realize that she'd left me. It took even longer to figure out why. She didn’t want me. She must have been sick of having to take care of me. She didn't have it so bad at my house, or anywhere else for that matter. No one ever hit her. No one thought she was a mistake. It was all my fault she left.
I stopped laughing and I became so afraid of everything. I cried easily. I stopped trusting people. That had changed now, for the most part.
I trusted Ainsley, but there were some things I needed to tell him. I stumbled to the door. I could barely see through my puffy eyes and unlocked the door.
Ainsley fell in and I smiled a little. He bounced up, taking me in his arms and putting me on the bed. I cried into his shoulder and told him about my childhood up until when Wednesday left. He looked shocked and held me tighter. I kissed him softly, mentally preparing myself to tell him about how I ended up alone. Ainsley wrapped me tightly in a blanket that smelled like him, not once letting me go. I sighed and told him:
*Flashback*
I came back from another horrible day in school. My teachers had decided six months ago that I needed a councilor because 'I'd been looking upset' and they thought I 'might be having some problems at home.' No shit.
The councilor lady was horrible at first. She asked me so many questions and expected me to answer back like I cared. She told me to call her Jackie. She was really young, only about twenty-two. At first, I just spaced out, ignoring everything she'd said. Then, she said something that made me pay attention. The magic word, as you may have guessed, was confidential. Nothing I told her could be used against me. She couldn't even tell my parents.
It took awhile, but I started talking to her. I decided to test her out by telling her that my sister had left. She passed. She didn’t tell me that just because my sister left, doesn't mean I should close myself up, or whatever other shit councilors are supposed to spout. She just listened.
I still cried even though it had been over a year since she left. (Yes, I was thirteen now.) I told her more about my family. I left out the part about me getting hurt, but I told her about work and that sometimes we ran out of food.
One day, I'd made a little mistake. I'd been coming to see her more and more. She started to remind me of Wednesday a little.
When I came today, she told me I shouldn't come by as much and she said, "She didn't like me that way." It took me almost five minutes to figure out what she meant. When I figured it out, I made a stupid mistake. I laughed and whispered, "There is no way I'd you know LIKE you in that way." She looked at me weird and asked me what I meant. I blushed. I knew what I meant, but I wasn't sure at the same time. "Um… I think I'm…um, gay." I looked at the ground, expecting to be hit, even though Jackie had never laid a hand on me. I almost giggled at her expression.
She was surprised, but not angry with me. Then, she went on her usual campaign of me telling my parents what I felt. It wasn't her fault. She didn't have any idea how terrible my parents were. I shook my head like every day and left because the last bell had rung. I walked home every day. I didn't like the bus.
As soon as Wednesday left, her friends started beating me up and pushing me in lockers and shit and they all rode my bus.
I got home a little late, but I wasn't worried. Who would care if I was a few minutes late? My parents wouldn't be home for hours. Boy, was I wrong. They were both in the kitchen and my mother was abnormally sober. "H-hey," I murmured, looking at the ground.
"I got a call from your school about an hour ago."
I froze. What could I possibly have done? I do all my work and I never talk. "W-w-what a-about?"
"Stop stuttering!"
Smack.
"Your councilor called to say that you're a fag." I whimpered, partly at the comment about my sexuality, but mostly in shock that Jackie would tell. I told her NO! What was all that crap about confidentiality? I got the worst beating I have ever gotten that night. It was so bad, I couldn't go to school for two weeks.
The day after I went back to school, they were waiting again. This time with someone else; a girl, wearing a short skirt and looked about five years older than me. She was playing with her hair and when she looked at me, she licked her lips and tried to look seductive. Eww!!!!! She failed.
My parents noticed my expression and decided to explain. "You are going out with Amber. She will make you a man."
I turned pale. I knew what that meant, I knew it wasn't legal, but I also knew I didn't havea choice. Amber grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into my father's car. "This car is SO cool," she gushed. Then, she remembered me. "But, I'll have more fun with you."
Um, is that even a compliment? Get away skank. I didn't say that though because that would be mean and I wasn't used to being rude to anyone, even someone who has every intention of raping me. She pulled over at this club and dragged me in. It smelled like sex and drugs in there. No one even seemed to care that I was clearly way too young to be here. Then again it was a skeevy kind of place, so maybe this happens a lot. She set me on the dance floor and started rubbing against me.
I squealed and pulled away. Gross. I don’t even think that was legal. She grabbed my wrist too hard and pulled me back to her. "I know you don't want to, but your parents are paying well. Unless…you'd rather skip the date and head straight to the bedroom."
I shook my head really fast and she pressed against me again. I tried with little success not to shudder. She took my hand and took me to the bar. She probably wanted to get me drunk. Well, don't think I don't see through your plan, you crazy. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, but she was a little smarter than I originally thought. "Come on," I had whimpered, trying to do some kind of potty dance and look like as much of a little kid as was possible. Which was surprisingly easy since I was about four foot eight. I've really grown a lot in the past two years.
She sighed, looking around. Probably embarrassed of me. "You can stand at the door to the bathroom," I pleaded. She sighed again and nodded. I practically ran to the bathroom, into a stall, and through a tiny window. I'd picked Amber's pocket and stolen my father's keys and her cash. 'It'll take her awhile to get home,' I thought.
I got a cab and asked him to drop me off a block from my house. I gave the cab driver a twenty from Amber's huge stack of twenties. I guess she'd been paid ahead of time to touch me, so I didn't feel bad for taking it. In front of me was almost ten thousand dollars. I ran up the street, remembering to be sneaky. I jumped into my room, thankful that I always left my window unlocked for a sneaky entrance when my parents were angry. I stuffed my clothes into a overnight bed and got the cash I'd been skimming off the top of my paycheck and left.
I got a motel for about a week, before finding a disgusting, but cheap apartment to rent. I couldn't get any help and I didn't know what to do, so I went back to Jackie after school. I went to a different school in case of the unlikely circumstance that my parents knew which school I went to and decided to see if I still went there. See? I've thought it all through.
Jackie screamed a little when she saw me and pulled me into a hug. I pushed away from her. I was still angry about her telling. I just needed some help is all. I told her I'd run away, but wouldn't tell where, and that I wouldn't go back.
She asked me if I could take care of myself and if I had a good enough reason to stay away from my parents. I didn't even answer. Jackie knew what the answers would be. She told me that if I could answer both of her questions, I could be emancipated when I was fourteen. Until I turned fourteen, if I was caught, I would be sent home.
*End Flashback*
"I spent the next seven months earning money and preparing my case. On my fourteenth birthday, I went to see a lawyer. Within the month, I was emancipated without ever having to lay eyes on my parents. They didn't even put up a fight like my lawyer said they would. I knew why. They knew I'd tell everything they did to me and they couldn't have that. I left my apartment and moved far away," I finished. I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "And then I met you." I stretched up to kiss him. "Want to know more about that?" Kiss. "Hmm?" Kiss. "Want to know how I feel now?" Kiss.
Ainsley's self control broke and he kissed me back. This is how it should be.
Parker's POV
All of the memories washed over me. I couldn't control them anymore. Everything turned into a movie as it started again.
*Flashback*
I ran into Wednesday's room like always to wake her up. Well, it wasn't really her room but she snuck into the guest bedroom pretty much every night so I'd have someone around in case things got bad with my parents. She was such a heavy sleeper and she always said that she didn't even need an alarm with me.
I was pretty loud around Wednesday. I could be myself around her. I tackled the lump of what I thought was Wednesday. Instead, I tackled her pillows and her favorite stuffed squirrel. Why my sixteen year old best and only friend needed a stuffed animal, I didn't know.
I grabbed her squirrel and ran downstairs. Maybe she got up early to make me pancakes. Oddly enough, that would be just like her. We were the normal brother and sister, except she's not my sister exactly. She was my only friend. I think something bad happened at her house, so she lived at mine now. I don't know it my parents ever noticed.
Wednesday wasn't like me. She was popular and went to lots of parties and all the boys liked her. She never paid them any attention.
I guess she didn't want them to take her home one night (She never takes anyone to our house.) and run into my mother. Mum most likely would have a Vodka bottle and a cigarette packet in her hands, a possibly unlit cigarette between her lips. She was like that all the time. Some mornings she didn't get up and when she did she wore her pajamas.
My father was the opposite. He was sober almost all the time, but that's what made him scarier. He was the more violent of the two. He hit me all the time, called me horrible things, made me get a job and pay to live there even though I couldn't move, encouraged other people to hurt me, tripped me, locked me in my room, would go days without feeding me, and would burn me with the lighter he kept in his pocket in case he got the opportunity to get his hands on a cigar. Mum only ever burnt me with her cigarettes, or maybe if she got really drunk (And she was always really drunk.) she would slap me.
I looked around and couldn't see her. Where the hell was she? I was starting to panic and could feel the tears rising. 'Snap out of it, Parker,' I remember thinking. 'Her shift probably got switched last night and I was already asleep. I sat down at the kitchen table to do some of my leftover homework. In case you didn't already know, memorizing the periodic table sucks. My teachers had finally got wind of (And I hate that phrase.) the fact that I was gay and had decided that I should get some extra work. I mean, what normal 7th grader has to memorize this useless crap? The good thing is Wednesday was always willing to help though.
Finally, I finished it and it was almost 4 PM. Why wasn't Wednesday home? THEY'D be home soon. I got tired and wanted to go to sleep, but it was time to make dinner. If I didn't, I'd be in for it. I made roast beef, carrots, and mashed potatoes. Of course, I wouldn't be eating the roast beef. I doubted I would get any of it, but I could still hope, right? I was so hungry. Just as my resolve not to eat was about to break, the door opened.
I squeaked, excitedly. I ran into the living room, where I was sure Wednesday would be taking her coat and shoes off and be waiting for a hug.
I froze when I saw who was really there. My mother had actually left the house that day. I was pretty sure she'd gone to buy more liquor because that's all she ever left the house for. She came in with a man, or more a boy. He couldn't have been more than a few years older than Wednesday. They both smelled funny. It wasn't something I'd smelled before and I didn't want to smell it again.
They needed to take a shower. Gross! Then, Mum turned to the kid and kissed him. I shrank back in shock. It wasn't a friendly little peck on the cheek. They both sank to the ground and I ran to my room. I could hear the moans even in there with my cheap CD player at its loudest. I could also hear when my father got home.
I heard the screams of pain and my father's yells of rage. I knew my father was beating up, possibly killing the boy downstairs. My mother stomped upstairs, throwing a temper tantrum like a three year old. She paused at my door, seeing me curled up in the farthest corner of my room.
For a second, I thought she would come over and comfort me like she never had, even when I was a baby. Instead, she screamed, shrilly. "Alexi! The boy heard the entire thing! He could have stopped me, but he just hid like the nothing he is! Jake-I mean the boy down there, used me! You know it was the drugs! And this thing-"
I covered my ears, not wanting to hear the rest. Unfortunately, putting hands over your ears isn't that great a way to block things out. I could hear everything. I had to bury my face in my knees, so no one could see my tears. I never cried in front of anyone, even Wednesday. There's no point when no one's there to save you. It stayed like that for what seemed like forever, as my mother pleaded her case to my father.
Finally, came the feeling I'd been expected. I was yanked off the ground by my hair. My dangling feet struggled to touch the ground before the rational part of my mind stopped them. I'd learned the beatings were shorter the more I held still. His fist slammed into me and It felt like all the bones in my face were breaking. I barely held back a scream of agony. I was hit across the face and stomach a few times; my mother getting in a slap whenever she could. My father drove his knee up between my legs and I couldn't hold back a small whimper. All this earned me, was another sharp slap.
I was dropped and I hit the ground, creating a jarring pain in my knees. I curled up into a little ball and stayed there until long after they left. It was the first time Wednesday hadn't come to help me. I stayed waiting for her to come back. She didn't.
*End Flashback*
I spent every free second (Which wasn't a lot of time.) waiting at the door for her, but she never came back. It took me almost a month to realize that she'd left me. It took even longer to figure out why. She didn’t want me. She must have been sick of having to take care of me. She didn't have it so bad at my house, or anywhere else for that matter. No one ever hit her. No one thought she was a mistake. It was all my fault she left.
I stopped laughing and I became so afraid of everything. I cried easily. I stopped trusting people. That had changed now, for the most part.
I trusted Ainsley, but there were some things I needed to tell him. I stumbled to the door. I could barely see through my puffy eyes and unlocked the door.
Ainsley fell in and I smiled a little. He bounced up, taking me in his arms and putting me on the bed. I cried into his shoulder and told him about my childhood up until when Wednesday left. He looked shocked and held me tighter. I kissed him softly, mentally preparing myself to tell him about how I ended up alone. Ainsley wrapped me tightly in a blanket that smelled like him, not once letting me go. I sighed and told him:
*Flashback*
I came back from another horrible day in school. My teachers had decided six months ago that I needed a councilor because 'I'd been looking upset' and they thought I 'might be having some problems at home.' No shit.
The councilor lady was horrible at first. She asked me so many questions and expected me to answer back like I cared. She told me to call her Jackie. She was really young, only about twenty-two. At first, I just spaced out, ignoring everything she'd said. Then, she said something that made me pay attention. The magic word, as you may have guessed, was confidential. Nothing I told her could be used against me. She couldn't even tell my parents.
It took awhile, but I started talking to her. I decided to test her out by telling her that my sister had left. She passed. She didn’t tell me that just because my sister left, doesn't mean I should close myself up, or whatever other shit councilors are supposed to spout. She just listened.
I still cried even though it had been over a year since she left. (Yes, I was thirteen now.) I told her more about my family. I left out the part about me getting hurt, but I told her about work and that sometimes we ran out of food.
One day, I'd made a little mistake. I'd been coming to see her more and more. She started to remind me of Wednesday a little.
When I came today, she told me I shouldn't come by as much and she said, "She didn't like me that way." It took me almost five minutes to figure out what she meant. When I figured it out, I made a stupid mistake. I laughed and whispered, "There is no way I'd you know LIKE you in that way." She looked at me weird and asked me what I meant. I blushed. I knew what I meant, but I wasn't sure at the same time. "Um… I think I'm…um, gay." I looked at the ground, expecting to be hit, even though Jackie had never laid a hand on me. I almost giggled at her expression.
She was surprised, but not angry with me. Then, she went on her usual campaign of me telling my parents what I felt. It wasn't her fault. She didn't have any idea how terrible my parents were. I shook my head like every day and left because the last bell had rung. I walked home every day. I didn't like the bus.
As soon as Wednesday left, her friends started beating me up and pushing me in lockers and shit and they all rode my bus.
I got home a little late, but I wasn't worried. Who would care if I was a few minutes late? My parents wouldn't be home for hours. Boy, was I wrong. They were both in the kitchen and my mother was abnormally sober. "H-hey," I murmured, looking at the ground.
"I got a call from your school about an hour ago."
I froze. What could I possibly have done? I do all my work and I never talk. "W-w-what a-about?"
"Stop stuttering!"
Smack.
"Your councilor called to say that you're a fag." I whimpered, partly at the comment about my sexuality, but mostly in shock that Jackie would tell. I told her NO! What was all that crap about confidentiality? I got the worst beating I have ever gotten that night. It was so bad, I couldn't go to school for two weeks.
The day after I went back to school, they were waiting again. This time with someone else; a girl, wearing a short skirt and looked about five years older than me. She was playing with her hair and when she looked at me, she licked her lips and tried to look seductive. Eww!!!!! She failed.
My parents noticed my expression and decided to explain. "You are going out with Amber. She will make you a man."
I turned pale. I knew what that meant, I knew it wasn't legal, but I also knew I didn't havea choice. Amber grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into my father's car. "This car is SO cool," she gushed. Then, she remembered me. "But, I'll have more fun with you."
Um, is that even a compliment? Get away skank. I didn't say that though because that would be mean and I wasn't used to being rude to anyone, even someone who has every intention of raping me. She pulled over at this club and dragged me in. It smelled like sex and drugs in there. No one even seemed to care that I was clearly way too young to be here. Then again it was a skeevy kind of place, so maybe this happens a lot. She set me on the dance floor and started rubbing against me.
I squealed and pulled away. Gross. I don’t even think that was legal. She grabbed my wrist too hard and pulled me back to her. "I know you don't want to, but your parents are paying well. Unless…you'd rather skip the date and head straight to the bedroom."
I shook my head really fast and she pressed against me again. I tried with little success not to shudder. She took my hand and took me to the bar. She probably wanted to get me drunk. Well, don't think I don't see through your plan, you crazy. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, but she was a little smarter than I originally thought. "Come on," I had whimpered, trying to do some kind of potty dance and look like as much of a little kid as was possible. Which was surprisingly easy since I was about four foot eight. I've really grown a lot in the past two years.
She sighed, looking around. Probably embarrassed of me. "You can stand at the door to the bathroom," I pleaded. She sighed again and nodded. I practically ran to the bathroom, into a stall, and through a tiny window. I'd picked Amber's pocket and stolen my father's keys and her cash. 'It'll take her awhile to get home,' I thought.
I got a cab and asked him to drop me off a block from my house. I gave the cab driver a twenty from Amber's huge stack of twenties. I guess she'd been paid ahead of time to touch me, so I didn't feel bad for taking it. In front of me was almost ten thousand dollars. I ran up the street, remembering to be sneaky. I jumped into my room, thankful that I always left my window unlocked for a sneaky entrance when my parents were angry. I stuffed my clothes into a overnight bed and got the cash I'd been skimming off the top of my paycheck and left.
I got a motel for about a week, before finding a disgusting, but cheap apartment to rent. I couldn't get any help and I didn't know what to do, so I went back to Jackie after school. I went to a different school in case of the unlikely circumstance that my parents knew which school I went to and decided to see if I still went there. See? I've thought it all through.
Jackie screamed a little when she saw me and pulled me into a hug. I pushed away from her. I was still angry about her telling. I just needed some help is all. I told her I'd run away, but wouldn't tell where, and that I wouldn't go back.
She asked me if I could take care of myself and if I had a good enough reason to stay away from my parents. I didn't even answer. Jackie knew what the answers would be. She told me that if I could answer both of her questions, I could be emancipated when I was fourteen. Until I turned fourteen, if I was caught, I would be sent home.
*End Flashback*
"I spent the next seven months earning money and preparing my case. On my fourteenth birthday, I went to see a lawyer. Within the month, I was emancipated without ever having to lay eyes on my parents. They didn't even put up a fight like my lawyer said they would. I knew why. They knew I'd tell everything they did to me and they couldn't have that. I left my apartment and moved far away," I finished. I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "And then I met you." I stretched up to kiss him. "Want to know more about that?" Kiss. "Hmm?" Kiss. "Want to know how I feel now?" Kiss.
Ainsley's self control broke and he kissed me back. This is how it should be.
♠ ♠ ♠
*wipes away tears* Poor Parker. :(