Afraid.
01/01
She sat on the porch steps wrapped in one of his hoodies, it smelled like him. Her eyes focused on the sky, the darkness was fading away. She both relished and despised the silence. She loved it because it was so tranquil, she felt special like she was the only person in the world. She hated it because silence meant her thoughts were free to wander.
A light breeze rustled through the trees, she zipped up his hoodie and pulled the hood up for warmth. She pulled the sleeves down and bunched the ends up in her fists. The sleeve felt weird on her left hand she unclenched the material and looked down at the ring on her fourth finger.
She worried he was making a mistake. She was afraid he’d wake up and tell her he didn’t want this anymore. She secretly wished he would, because it would be quicker than if they went through with it and he decided he didn’t want it. She thought of running, maybe she’d ask Claudia to go with her, since Claudia was always talking about how much she wanted to just pick up and leave. She let out a small sigh. As appealing as running seemed she knew she couldn’t live with out him.
She shut her eyes and absentmindedly played with the ring on her finger. She heard the front door open, ‘he really needs to fix that squeek’ she thought. She didn’t really want to turn around but the amazing scent of coffee wafted through the air. She slowly turned her head and saw him leaning on the doorframe drinking from his mug. His blue eyes twinkling, loved how happy he was in the morning.
He closed the door and sat beside her on the porch. He held the mug out towards her. She took it and took a sip. She handed the mug back to him and focused on the beautiful orange color consuming the sky.
“what are you doing out here it’s freezing”
She continued to play with her ring, she held in a breath. Her eyes darted towards his and she responded with, “just thinking.”
He let it go at that. The two sat beside each other each lost in their own thoughts. He slid his hand into hers. She smiled at the contact, it felt nice but it made the worry gnaw at her stomach. She couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself, she couldn’t hold back the worry the words just slipped out.
“Spin, I don’t think you should marry me.”
He smiled, “why? Did I forget your birthday? Did Brendon say something stupid?”
She gave a small smile at his lame attempt at being funny. She didn’t know how to respond. They slipped into another silence, the coffee sat forgotten. He drew his hand away from hers.
“wait, you’re serious aren’t you?”
She didn’t meet his eyes instead she admired the way the sun shone off diamond. She decided she had to answer, and gave a small nod.
“why would you say that?”
She gave a small shrug, “I’m afraid”
His voice softened, “afraid of what?”
Tears she had been holding back forced their way out. “I’m afraid that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m not as great as you thought I was.”
“oh babe,” he laced their fingers together, “you know that I. . .hey look at me please.”
Her teary eyes remained on the sky. He gave her hand a small squeeze, “Megan look at me.”
She finally turned her attention back to the man she was terrified of losing.
“I love you, and I know I can’t promise that we’ll be together forever. I can’t tell you that we’ll never fight, or have problems. What I can promise you is that I will be there for you, and that I will do anything I can to make you happy.”
His words didn’t make the knots in her stomach go away, but they made a smile form on her lips. She glanced at the ring on her finger before meeting his blue eyes. She pecked his cheek and looked back at the sky. She didn’t know if this would work out but for now it was clear skies.
A light breeze rustled through the trees, she zipped up his hoodie and pulled the hood up for warmth. She pulled the sleeves down and bunched the ends up in her fists. The sleeve felt weird on her left hand she unclenched the material and looked down at the ring on her fourth finger.
She worried he was making a mistake. She was afraid he’d wake up and tell her he didn’t want this anymore. She secretly wished he would, because it would be quicker than if they went through with it and he decided he didn’t want it. She thought of running, maybe she’d ask Claudia to go with her, since Claudia was always talking about how much she wanted to just pick up and leave. She let out a small sigh. As appealing as running seemed she knew she couldn’t live with out him.
She shut her eyes and absentmindedly played with the ring on her finger. She heard the front door open, ‘he really needs to fix that squeek’ she thought. She didn’t really want to turn around but the amazing scent of coffee wafted through the air. She slowly turned her head and saw him leaning on the doorframe drinking from his mug. His blue eyes twinkling, loved how happy he was in the morning.
He closed the door and sat beside her on the porch. He held the mug out towards her. She took it and took a sip. She handed the mug back to him and focused on the beautiful orange color consuming the sky.
“what are you doing out here it’s freezing”
She continued to play with her ring, she held in a breath. Her eyes darted towards his and she responded with, “just thinking.”
He let it go at that. The two sat beside each other each lost in their own thoughts. He slid his hand into hers. She smiled at the contact, it felt nice but it made the worry gnaw at her stomach. She couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself, she couldn’t hold back the worry the words just slipped out.
“Spin, I don’t think you should marry me.”
He smiled, “why? Did I forget your birthday? Did Brendon say something stupid?”
She gave a small smile at his lame attempt at being funny. She didn’t know how to respond. They slipped into another silence, the coffee sat forgotten. He drew his hand away from hers.
“wait, you’re serious aren’t you?”
She didn’t meet his eyes instead she admired the way the sun shone off diamond. She decided she had to answer, and gave a small nod.
“why would you say that?”
She gave a small shrug, “I’m afraid”
His voice softened, “afraid of what?”
Tears she had been holding back forced their way out. “I’m afraid that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I’m not as great as you thought I was.”
“oh babe,” he laced their fingers together, “you know that I. . .hey look at me please.”
Her teary eyes remained on the sky. He gave her hand a small squeeze, “Megan look at me.”
She finally turned her attention back to the man she was terrified of losing.
“I love you, and I know I can’t promise that we’ll be together forever. I can’t tell you that we’ll never fight, or have problems. What I can promise you is that I will be there for you, and that I will do anything I can to make you happy.”
His words didn’t make the knots in her stomach go away, but they made a smile form on her lips. She glanced at the ring on her finger before meeting his blue eyes. She pecked his cheek and looked back at the sky. She didn’t know if this would work out but for now it was clear skies.