My Father, My Brother

*Time Elapse - October 2008*

"You alright?" I asked, leaning into the big bathroom where Lindsey was leaning over the toilet and throwing up. She was sweating a little. Susan, our black sheperd mix, went and licked the side of her face. Lindsey pushed her away gently then retched into the toilet again. I went and rubbed her back until she'd settled down again, then ran a cloth under the cold faucet and held it to her forehead. She tried to thank me, but dry heaved again.

"You should see a doctor Linds, this is the fifth day in a row you've been sick." I saw her eyes moving as though she was reading invisible words in front of her, and her mouth moved as if she was calculating something in her head. She was interrupted by another bout of vomiting. Once she'd calmed down again, she flushed the toilet and stood up to brush her teeth. I stepped back and watched her worriedly, expecting her to faint or something.

"I'll be fine sweetie. Thank you for the help." I nodded and led Susan downstairs to the kitchen to feed her her breakfast.

"Oh fuck." I heard Gerard mutter from the studio. I smiled to myself and made my way in leaning on the doorframe.

"Everything alright?" He looked up from the canvas he was working on and flicked his black hair out of his eyes and smiled at me.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just tripped over my own feet and ruined my own piece." He said laughing at himself. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Lindsey's been hurling again." He put his brush down and wiped his paint splattered hands on his jeans.

"Again? Is she okay?" He didn't wait for my answer as he walked past and took the stairs two at a time, heading to the bathroom. I chuckled to myself. Maybe all this cleaner air was making her sick. Oh well, we'd just have to move back to New Jersey. Such a shame. Still smiling, I went into the kitchen and patted Susan's head. It was Gerard's idea to call her Susan. Such a stupid name for a dog. She was cute though, our little rescue. She licked my hand and followed me into the lounge, where she then jumped on Lindsey's cat and licked him too.

"Are you sure you don't need a doctor? Cause I'll give him a call and get him to come over." I looked up to see Lindsey almost skipping down the stairs, Gerard behind her still looking worried.

"Relax Gerard, I'll be fine. I just need to call into the store and pick up a few things. I'll be right back, okay?" She pulled her jacket on and picked up her car keys.

"Okay, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" She kissed him to shut him up and waved to me as she headed out. Gerard sighed and ran his hand through his long hair, looking worried.

"Relax Gee. If there was anything up she'd tell you." I sprawled on the floor with Susan and he came and perched on the edge of the couch. He lit up a cigarette and exhaled the smoke slowly.

"She must be alright if she's gone to the store, right?"

"Right, stop panicking Gerard. Stop smoking in the lounge. Come into the kitchen and I'll make us both a coffee." He stood up and followed me in as I kept my word. He sipped it between drags and smiled at me gratefully. We then went and sat on the xbox that was set up in the lounge playing Assassins Creed together, my choice, before Lindsey returned. She called a brief hello before rushing upstairs. Gerard and I glanced at each other confused before we finished our game quickly and followed her up. I rolled my eyes at his worrying and continued another game alone.

"Oh my fucking jesus god! Gerard cried a few minutes later. I jumped a mile and froze, pausing my game and listening carefully. I heard them laugh and jump around a bit. What the hell was going on up there? I didn't dare go up in case I interrupted something. I crept out of the room and leaned against the banister at that bottom of the stairs, catching snippets of what they were saying.

"- can't believe this! - so fucking awesome."

"- tell Ellie."

"Tonight at Dinner. - doesn't freak out so much." I raised my eyebrows and heard them get all excited again. Susan trotted upto me and whined softly, nudging my hand. I petted her fluffy head.

"Okay baby, we'll go out hang on. Uh... Guys!" I called up. They both came to the landing and looked over he banister at me, they both looked like they'd just won the lottery.

"I'm gonna take Susan out okay?" They both nodded with huge, creepy grins on their faces and I gave them a weird look before grabbing Susan's leash, as well as Luka and Puzzle's, and set out, carrying the boys on my shoulders and Susan trotting happily beside me. They must have been really happy that Lindsey was feeling better. A little too happy. Did Gerard expect her to die or something!? I walked about half a mile out, and we walked along the strange streets. A few people stopped to admire the fact that I had rats on my shoulder.

"Could I please pet them?" A small boy asked, approaching me with a hesitant eye on Susan. I grinned down at him and knelt on the concrete ground.

"Sure you can, they don't bite." He carefully reached his hand out and patted their heads gently. Puzzle sniffed his hand and gave his fingers a lick, which made the boy giggle. His mother was standing a few feet behind looking a little unsure.

"Thank you!" He said as he walked away, waving. I waved back and carried on my walk. Even though the weather was getting colder, it wasn't essential to be wearing a jacket, which I wasn't. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and stared at it. Maybe I should call Frank while I'm out, see how he's doing... I had him on speed dial so I didn't even have to type his number in before putting it to my ear and listening to the ringing.

"Hello?" Jamia's familiar voice said. I smiled a little.

"Hey Jamia, it's me, Ellie."

"Ellie, sweetie! Are you okay? How's L.A? Have you settled in yet? Started school?" I laughed at her.

"I'm fine Jamia, and it's alright. I don't start school till next week. I was meant to start last month but there was a problem transferring my file so they didn't get it until this week. I'm starting on Monday."

"Are you nervous?"

"Yeah a little. I don't really fit in here. Everyone wears bright shorts and flowy shirts. I'm currently wearing black skinny jeans and Gerard's Iron Maiden shirt."

"Hahaha, you'll be fine sweetie. You'll make friends soon enough. Anyway do you want to talk to Frank? He's practically trying to wrestle the phone out of my hands."

"Aw bless him. Sure put him on." I heard the rustling as the phone was passed between the couple.

"Smelly Ellie!" Frank cried happily down the phone. He basically just repeated everything Jamia had asked me. I gave him the same answers.

"Well you're coming down here soon for my birthday right?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah we should be on vacation then and your birthday is a Friday anyway so if I am at school I'll just get a later plane to New York and catch a ride with Mikey."

"Awesome! Man I'm missing you so much. I don't think I've ever gone this long without seeing you baby. You know it's been just over two months?"

"It feels like so much longer. I'm missing you too." I started walking back towards the house, hoping Lindsey would be making lunch.

"Well at least I get to look forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks."

"Yeah I'll get to annoy you for at least a whole weekend." I laughed.

"You could never annoy me doll face. No matter how hard you try."

"I'll succeed one day. Anyway I just got home so I'll call you when I've started school."

"Yeah baby let me know how it goes. Oh, and tell Gerard I said hi."

"Will do. Bye dad!" We hung up just as I pushed open the door just in time to see Gerard staring at Lindsey's stomach in the hall. I looked at them with raised eyebrows and silently offered to let them explain.

"She uh, thought she might have had a bruise or something..." Gerard obviously lied.

"Uh huh..." I walked past them into the lounge and put the rats back in their cage, then unhooked Susan's leash, hanging it back in the hall with Puzzle and Luka's.

"Ellie... Come sit down. The three of us need to talk." Gerard said, touching my shoulder lightly as he led me into the lounge. Lindsey was sitting on the couch looking nervous. Gerard sat beside her, and I sat beside him. They both turned to face me.

"We found out some... well... rather huge news this morning." Lindsey said. Gerard took her hand and smiled at her reassuringly. She sighed back and her free hand went to her stomach. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What news?" They glanced at each other again, before Gerard used his free hand to take both of mine, and he smiled at me.

"Ellie... Lindsey is pregnant. You're gonna be a big sister." I suddenly choked on air as my airways closed up.

"She's... pregnant!?" I choked out, with sudden images of babies taking back bending to the extreme. Gerard let go of Lindsey's hand to take mine in both of his.

"Yeah, we found out this morning. That's why she's been throwing up and stuff. We're having a baby Ellie! Isn't this exciting!?" Gerard was obviously excited. His eyes were searching mine for a similar emotion. I held my breath, trying to contain all the emotions that suddenly hit me. Anger, sadness, excitement, fear, dread. Most of them negative. I didn't know if I wanted to kiss or kill them both.

"I need a minute." I muttered before standing up and running out of the room before I fainted. I shot into the kitchen and leant over the sink, feeling sick. I splashed cold water on my face then took a minute to really think about this. I looked around the room, imagining a baby crawling around. A little kid continuously crying. Not being able to go out because Gerard wanted me to babysit. Baby toys covered in chocolate and various other mushy foods laying around. Another wave of nausea hit me.

Then I thought about the other side of things. An innocent little baby laying in my arms, looking up at me. A toddler that followed me around and clung to my leg. A little kid who idolized me and looked up to me as an older sister. Oh but the crying and pooping and screaming and tantrums! I couldn't face it. Well... it was too late to do anything about it now. Obviously Gerard and Lindsey hadn't been expecting it, I don't think. I was going to be a big sister. That poor little boy or girl, they were doomed if I was their role model. At least the kid would have rockstar parents and kick ass uncles. Oh god... What would Frank do... Frank... I had to call Frank... No... He had to hear this from Gerard. I recollected myself and took a few deep breaths before I went back into the lounge where Gerard and Lindsey were still sitting looking worried.

"Are you okay?" Lindsey asked me, frowning slightly. I nodded and took my original spot back up.

"Have you told Frank yet?" I asked Gerard directly. Guilt flashed across his eyes and he shook his head slowly.

"We were gonna tell everyone together after Frank's birthday. So sugar please don't say anything just yet."

"Okay..."

"Thank you. How are you feeling about all this?"

"I don't know. One the one hand, there'll be this innocent little kid that loves me unconditionally. Oh the other, it's gonna scream and cry on a night." They both laughed a little.

"So..." I said, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little.

"You guys want a boy or a girl?"

"I hope it's a boy. We can dress him up like a mini little rockstar." Lindsey mushed, visibly imagining the scene in her head.

"Hell no, he might want me to play sports with him. I hope it's a girl so we can spoil her and she can be our little princess. I miss being able to play dolls with you Ellie."

"Oh she'd be such a diva if she takes after you Gerard. The little princess wouldn't stand a chance. Our little lady would still be so hardcore and awesome though."

"Hells yeah she would be. If she takes after me that is." Gerard winked at Lindsey and she slapped his leg playfully.

"He or she will have rockstar parents remember. I'm sure it'd be awesome either way. If it is a boy, and he wants to play sports, I'll convince him art is a sport." Gerard laughed and patted my arm.

"I'm sure he or she will be getting plenty of art and music lessons."

"Will I have to share a room?" I suddenly asked, feeling nervous.

"Of course not Sugar! We can turn the spare room into a nursery. We'll just relocate all the guitars in there."

"Oh good. There's no way I could get up with a screaming baby."

"We wouldn't expect you to do that El, she's our baby." Lindsey laughed, relaxing me.

"So, have you thought of any names yet?"

"Well not yet. So you have any ideas?" Gerard smiled at me. I knew he was only asking to make me feel involved, and probably wouldn't take my choice into consideration anyway.

"Well I kinda like Bandit for a girl, and Rocco for a boy. I hope it's a boy though, even things out here a little." I smiled. I didn't really like the name Rocko, but I did kinda like Bandit.

"Bandit Way... Rocco Way..." Gerard muttered quietly to himself.

"I kinda like them. What about you?" He turned to Lindsey.

"They are pretty punk rock. We have about eight months to think of names, so we'll worry about that later. Who's up for organic food and prenatal vitamins?"