My Father, My Brother

I watched the road roll away beneath me, the street lights the only thing making it possible to see on this black stretch of road. I leaned my forehead against the bus window, my breath steaming it up a little as I fought to keep my eyes open. The coffee machine bubbled away behind me and I waited for the ‘click’ to tell me that it had boiled our poison. I couldn’t ever sleep when someone else in the same room had woken up and moved around, so I had no choice but to get up when Frank dropped almost silently from his bunk. It was 5:34am, and still black as night outside. Nobody else in the bus would be up for hours yet as we hadn’t gotten to bed until nearly 1am. The only people awake were Benjay - the bus driver, Frank and myself. I didn’t even hear the click on the kettle, so it made me jump slightly when a steaming mug was handed to me. I thanked Frank through a yawn and took a sip, savouring the flavour. This was a lot stronger than the coffee I usually drank, but I sure needed it.

“Drink up kid, we’ve got a long day ahead of us.” Frank smiled as he sat beside me, or, in front of me as I was sitting sideways with my feet up on the couch. We were flying back to the US today for a week before flying back to continue the tour over here. Mikey had arranged with Alicia to marry while we were back in the US. I shuffled over and cuddled up to Franks side. He lit a cigarette then wrapped his free arm around my shoulders.

“Why are you up so early?” I asked him between sips of coffee.

“I dunno, I just couldn’t sleep. Too hot, then too cold, then weird dreams, so I just opted to get up and sleep on the plane.”

“You say that like Mikey will let you.” He grinned at me then turned away to take a drag and blow out the smoke in the opposite direction.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” He asked me suddenly, looking down at his lap, his brows furrowed.

“Of course I do, you tell me all the time. Why would you even ask?”

“I just know I don’t show it as much as Gerard does. Like when he kissed you goodnight last night. I don’t do things like that often and sometimes I worry that you don’t know how much you mean to me.”

“I know you love me dad, you don’t need to show it, I just know.” I yawned again and took another drink; Frank did the same, flicking his cigarette ash in an ash tray.

“Good. All the guys love you like you were their own, but it just so happens that Gerard and I are the lucky ones who actually have you as our own. I can’t remember life before we got you.”

“You make me sound like a pet! You can say the word ‘adopted’ around me.” I grinned up at him, showing him that I didn’t mind being adopted one bit, and would never change it for the world.

“I know, but that makes you sound like a pound puppy, like I adopted Mama, Peppers, Sweet Pea and Texas. Adopted or not I love you like my own flesh and blood, and Gerard does too.”

“I know that Frankie, and I love you both too, I’d never change our family. I’d rather have the two amazing dads that I have, than a dad and a mom.”

“Well I suppose you have Jamia and Lyn-Z as female role models now, Lyn-Z especially since you see her more and she’s your teacher and stuff as well. She’s a good person, I guess.” He sounded rather sad, his voice was quiet distant.

“Yeah she is cool; as long as she doesn’t change after a while she’s cool.” He nodded slowly, then stood up and made his way towards the kitchen area.

“What do you fancy for breakfast? Cereal? Toast? Cold pizza? Microwaved pizza?” He grinned at me over his shoulder and I returned his bright smile.

“Cold pizza sounds great.” He then brought the box over and we both sat sideways on the couch facing each other, the box between us as we shared the cold cheese pizza from the night before, which was really only around five hours ago. Frank stubbed out the remains of his mostly smoked cigarette and grabbed a slice. There was only half a pizza left so we got two slices each. It was mornings like this I valued most. The reason why I loved being on the road with the band. I knew having me here was a bit of an inconvenience for them, but I loved it too much to let it go completely. Early morning coffee and unhealthy breakfasts with Frank while everyone else was asleep, late night talks in the dark with Gerard, and the joking around with uncle Mikey, Ray and Bob, I loved it. I had to stay away from their last tour as they filmed part of their movie while it was taking place and I couldn’t be seen.

Hiding my existence had been Gerard’s idea, but Donna and Frank had agreed with him. I didn’t understand at first, and I wanted my dads to show they were proud of me and show me off, but sometimes I’m glad they did hide me so that I could go out in public and go to a normal school without having people bombard me with questions. The paparazzi left me alone and I could watch My Chem’s shows without the people in the crowd trying to use me to get to Gerard and Frank. All my friends were friends with me before I told them who my dads were. They either didn’t care, or hadn’t heard of the band, but all promised never to tell so I was safe. They never flat out denied me, or ignored my existence, but if I ever was spotted with them and they were questioned, they would say I was a close relative.

At 7am I decided to go and get ready. I crept into the bunk room and pulled out a yellow pair of jeans, a dark blue sweater, dark blue socks and my underwear before creeping back out and into the bathroom. I quickly showered, brushed my teeth and got dressed, tying my hair back into a loose ponytail and letting it resume drying on its own terms.

At 8am, Ray emerged. Already fully dressed and ready. He helped himself to breakfast and coffee and joined Frank and I at the table. The sun was climbing higher in the sky now and the streetlights were less essential. Over the next two hours everyone else woke up and readied themselves. Mikey was the last to wake up at just before 10am. By 11, we were pulling into the airport parking lot and everyone was packed and ready for our flight. I pulled my small case behind me and followed the guys with theirs, my yellow backpack was over both shoulders and I had a yellow baseball cap on to help cover my face if there were any paparazzi. Gerard had carefully dried my hair with a blow dryer before we got off the bus so I could have it down for further protection. I didn’t speak or look up as we checked in and made our way through customs. Frank got patted down as his piercings set off the metal detectors. Gerard kept me close to him and came with me to explore the duty free shopping opportunities. I even had to come with him while he bought 200 Marlboro Reds to take home with him.

When we got back to the waiting area, the odd camera flashed or someone came up to ask for an autograph, and then I had to stand a few feet away. I knew it was for my own protection so I didn’t complain; I’d done all this before. Instead of joining in the recognition hype I pulled my cell out and text Rhyland.

Hey! About to go back to the US for a couple of weeks for my uncles wedding so I thought I’d text to say goodbye before it becomes ridiculously expensive aha!
I was mildly irritated when I didn’t get a reply instantaneously, but I did get one within two minutes.

You’re going back today? Man that sucks. Well when you come back we should hang out!

Yeah totally! I’ll text you when I’m back

Good, I’ll hold you to that.

I never got the chance to text him back because I was suddenly being ushered onto the plane gently by Ray who had his hand on the bottom of my back to guide me. I looked up and noticed the members of MSI had finaly joined us. I saw Gerard peck Lyn-z's lips quickly. Once I was seated between Gerard and Frank, with the other three sat in the row behind us, Frank curled up against the window and closed his eyes. Gerard glanced at him, and I noticed his eyes linger on him for a couple of seconds before he smiled and me. I sat up straight and looked around the plane. It was mostly empty, but I saw Jimmy and Lyn-Z sitting a few rows back, with Kitty and Steve sitting behind them. Once the engine had started up and we were moving, Gerard handed me a mint to suck to stop my ears popping. I was grateful for it as we ascended into the skies and the pressure changed rapidly. Once the initial excitement of take-off was over I curled up against Frank’s side and fell asleep with him.

I fet myself being carried before I'd fully woken up. There were strong arms behind my knees and around my back, my head against a muscular chest. I knew it was Ray before I heard him ask Gerard if he ever fed me, because I was apparently so light.

"You can put me down now if you want." I yawned sleepily. Ray set me on my feet and kept his huge hands on my shoulders until I'd woken up enough to steady myself before he let me walk unaided. They'd just gotten off the plane and I had woken up just before customs. I showed my passport to prove I belonged here then went through with Bob to the luggage carosel while Frank was patted down once again for setting off the metal detectors. We didn't have to wait long for our luggage and my backpack was back over my shoulders. There were two mini busses awaiting each band outside. Gerard kissed a temporary goodbye to Lyn-Z before we climbed aboard our respective busses. I got into the middle so I was hidden from any camera shots from the outside.Bob and Ray sat either side of me, with Gerard behind me, Mikey beside him and Frank up front with the driver. I listened to everyones idle chatter all the way home. Bob was staying with Ray for now since he was sticking around for Mikey's wedding.

Gerard and I were the last to be dropped at home, everyone had already given him their contribution to the cost of the bus, so he paid the driver and we jumped out, grabbed our cases and made our way up the driveway, grateful to see the car still there and intact.

"Dump your case in the hall, we'll deal with them after a drink." Gerard said when he closed the door behind us. I ran straight upstairs for a pee before dropping my bag on my bed and making my way downstairs. I hopped onto the counter and awaited the kettle boiling so I could join Gerard in a coffee. He opened the kitchen window and lit a cigarette, taking a drag then sighing out the smoke in contentment.

"Dad, you stink." I told him as I sat beside him at the table. He laughed and flicked his ash in the ash tray and took another drag.

"I know. I'll take a shower tonight don't worry." He was still grinning.

"How did you do with that paper you were writing the other night by the way?" He asked, remembering me sitting up till late.

"She gave me a B+, said the last few paragraphs seemed a little rushed, which they were."

"That's good, well done Ell."

"Thanks, but I know I could have done better, I was just too tired that night." He nodded in understanding and finished his coffee and cigarette before we started on the cases, emptying pretty much everything into the laundry as things get pretty creased, dirty and smelly in a tour bus filled with sweaty men night after night. Once the laundry was sorted, he leaned against the door frame and smiled at me.

"What do you say to take out for dinner?" I nodded and followed him into the kitchen to grab a menu from the drawer to check out what we wanted, eventually agreeing on a chinese and I went to lay about in the lounge while Gerard called and ordered.

"Hey dad?" I piped up when he came to join me. He raised his eyebrows, knowing instantly that I wanted something. I grinned at his knowing look.

"You know like I asked if we could get a dog, and you said no cause it would be cruel to leave it alone while we tour?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me.

"Yes?"

"Well... what if we got a pet that could come with us?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"I was kinda wondering if maybe we could get a couple of rats." He stared at me for a few seconds, and I could practically hear his brain ticking away.

"I promise I'd clean up after them, and play with them, and we could get them little leashes and harnesses and I could take them around with me!" I smiled enthusiastically and hoped. I'd silently wanted rats for a long time, but had always been content with the dogs, but now that Frank had moved out with them, I wanted some other animal to devote my time and love to.

"Okay... I'll let you get rats, but you have to promise me Ellie, and swear on your life that you'll look after them."

"I will I will!" I cried, grinning from ear to ear.

"Alright then, we'll take a trip to the pet store tomorrow and you can pick them out." I lept up and hugged him around the waist, already running through names in my mind.

That night, after saying my goodnight to Gerard, with my stomach full on chinese food, I took myself upstairs and switched on my computer, logging into Skype and opening up google. It didn't take long for Kayleigh to start talking to me.

Kayleeee: Ellie! Are you back home now!?

Nelly Ellie: Yep but only for a couple of weeks before we go back. Guess what!? I'm getting rats tomorrow

Kayleeee: I'm coming in your suitcase next time. That's awesome! What you gonna call them?

Nelly Ellie: I don't know. I want boys though. Any suggestions?

Kayleeee: How about Bucks and Fizz?

Nelly Ellie: Nah, I like the names Neo and Captain, or Riddle and Puzzle.

Kayleeee: Riddle and Puzzle is good. Luka's a good name too.

Nelly Ellie: Luka and Puzzle?

Kayleeee: Sounds awesome! You're like the most spoilt, lucky girl I know!

Nelly Ellie: I know, I am a lucky person, but at least I don't take it for granted, and would never actually abuse my power over my dad 0;) Anyway, been up since half five, so gonna get some sleep before we get the boys tomorrow. Goodnight! Love you! x

Kayleeee: Sure sure, course you don't. You'll have to let me meet them. See you soon. Love you too x

I signed off and did a little research on rats (I already knew most things from the amount I'd fantasized about owning them in the past) before I switched my computer off and got into bed, my head reeling with names and adventures we could go on.

The next morning I woke up to the sun streaming in through my windows. I smiled and kicked the covers off of myself. I went to the toilet before coming back into my room and pulling on a pair of red skinny jeans that made my thin legs look breakable, and a black Avenged Sevenfold vest style top. I slipped my feet into my hi-top checked vans and a plain black hoodie. I shoved my wallet into the back of my jeans. Gerard was already up and ready when I slid down the banister to the bottom of the stairs. He looked at me with a mock stern expression.

"What have I told you about sliding down the banister?" He said, kissing my forehead and hugging me good morning.

"Too many. Are we leaving now?" I asked excitedly, bouncing from one foot to the other excitedly.

"Well there's no time like the present." He smiled and opened the front door for me. I bounced out energetically and scrambled into the front of the car once Gerard unlocked it.

Once we arrived at the pet store, Gerard handed me a cart.

"Take this, and fill it with all the toys, bedding, food and essentials like that. If you buy those, I'll pay for the cage and the rats." I squealed quietly and bounded off, down the toy isles. Gerard followed, smiling and shaking his head at my excitement. I got the essentials first, food, bedding, litter for the cage, then I bought a box for a nest, a dozen toys and cage accessories and finally, a blue rat harness and leash, and a green harness and leash. Next we went to look at cages and I was shocked at how expensive they were. We chose one that was big enough for four rats, but still less than $100 so Gerard lifted it down from the shelf and placed it in the cart. Finally, it was time to pick out my boys. Needless to say I was unbelievably giddy when I saw the young rats all scrabbling and playing with each other. One of them stood out to me immediately. He was one of the smallest, white with a blue/gray face and a strange shaped blue marking on his back.

Gerard called over a store assistant and had the little rat put into a travel case for us. I then looked back at the rats and saw an all black one with curly fur, he was my next choice. We had him put in with my other baby and we went to pay. As agreed, Gerard paid for my boys and their home, and I paid for their toys and cage essentials.

I sat with their case in my lap on the car ride home, talking softly to them and telling them about their new home. Once there, Gerard helped me set up the cage, then I filled the base tray with litter, put bedding in the box and assembled their toys and equipment before Gerard set the large cage up on its stand in an empty corner of my room. I then introduced the boys into their new home. They immediately began exploring.

"So what are their names?" Gerard asked, standing beside me with his eyes on them.

"Well... I think I'll call the little one Puzzle, and the bigger black one, I'll call Luka."

"Nice..." We watched them for a little longer before leaving them to settle for the rest of the day.