Not Strong Enough

We were on tour again, only we were celebrating the news of our album reaching number one tonight. Everyone had shown up at the local club in Cleveland so we could all enjoy the night together, even the girls had flown in the night before to join us. Sadly I couldn’t enjoy it on the same level as everyone else seeing as I had pulled the designated driver straw that morning. So while I sat there drinking a soda I watched, laughing on occasions as my friends drunkenly goofed off and boasted. Jimmy had the girls trying to talk Johnny into a make over while Matt and the Berry brothers joked with some fans who had shown up as well. The only person missing was Zacky.

Sitting down the empty glass I sighed walking through the large crowd of people trying to find the boyfriend I desperately wanted to hold to ease the loneliness that was settling in. Since the girls had arrived he had been distant, usually he played it off by telling me that we got to be together all tour while the rest of the guys couldn’t. It never made any sense to me that he would separate himself whenever they were around, but that was Zacky and a large part of him that I didn’t understand.

“Hey, have you seen Zee?” I asked grabbing Matt’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Uh he went that way last I saw him,” he explained pointing towards a hall.

Nodding I made my way to the less crowded hall, my eyes scanning the heads of everyone, looking for the red haired man. I bumped into people realizing that it was more crowded then I had thought. Breathing heavily when I made it into the back room, the heat in the hall had been unbearable from all of the close bodies.

It wasn’t until I had given up, that I had actually found him. Only I wished that I hadn’t when I stopped just a few feet away. His lips practically being eaten off of his face. I waited, and each passing second felt like heavy stones being pressed against my chest. Finally when I knew the waiting was a waste I cleared my throat.

They pulled away as soon as she looked at me, her face turning three shades of red as she tried to desperately fix her smeared lipstick. As if I hadn’t of noticed what had happened. Her nervousness and sudden pulling away had caused him to turn to look, only when he saw me he did nothing. He just sat there as I stared at the ugly shade staining his skin.

Turning around I shook my head, only then did he finally say something, telling me ‘not to act like this’, if only he knew that I wish I could be worse. I stormed past the sweaty grinding bodies until I was safely outside in the colder air. Aggravated I reached into my pocket pulling out my smokes and quickly lit one, by the time he was out I was already half way done with it.

“What the hell was that?” I was confused, shouldn’t that be what I was asking, not him?

“What did you expect me to do?” I asked pulling the cancer stick away from my lips.

“Well storming out was a bit extreme.”

Sick to my stomach now I threw it to the ground, putting it out with my shoe and looked back up at him.

“You did it again.” I stated, guilt washed over me.

He was the cheater, why should I feel guilty? Was I not good enough again?

“I’m drunk.” I shook my head again, I was tired of that excuse.

“I get drunk and I don’t cheat on you.” I looked away.

“Yeah well I’m not you.” he retorted.

We stood there for a few moments, his face blank of any emotion, and I stood there awkwardly wondering what would happen next. I had an idea, but I was sick of the same routine.

“Look, I love you, you know that right?” and I was right once again.

“Bri,” he stated grabbing my wrists.

“What?” I asked in return, refusing to look at him.

“Baby don’t act like this. I’m sorry okay? I love you.” the sweetness in his voice was almost undeniable.

“Bri please look at me,” he stated even softer.

I frowned closing my eyes, I hated how he had me wrapped around his finger. How he controlled me so easily. Giving in I sighed finally directing my attention towards him, and the first thing I saw were those eyes. With the moon out it only made them even more entrancing. The green seemed to glow and I felt the tug on my heart.

“Tell me you forgive me.”

“I forgive you,” it left my lips without a second thought.

“Tell me that you mean it.” his lips formed into that smile that had won me over so long ago.

“I mean it,” again they passed without any emotion.

Smiling he leaned up kissing me on my lips, slowly as if he wanted to convince me before he let go of one of my wrists and tugged me back towards the doors. While he seemed happy with the fact that he had won me over again, all I could do was think about how all I could taste on my lips now was lipstick.