Try Being In My Shoes

I clenched my fists together. Back out of the hospital and now here I was. Waiting to answer the door to her. Ruby. I had to end it sooner or later. I couldn't call her my girlfriend for much longer after my love returned to me. Suddenly all my focused on her. Ruby had become a distant memory. Beth was my new priority. She was my soul mate and like long lost lovers I couldn't get her out of my mind.

But also I couldn't stop thinking about how Ruby shouldn't of happened. I kept regretting her being there, kept dreaming how us reuniting should of been. She should of rushed into my arms. I'd of kissed her, held her close to me, made her mine. And a small hatred burned inside of me knowing that Ruby there. I couldn't let it continue. It shouldn't of started.

I'd be sleeping, dreaming wonderous dreams of how Beth was mine. I'd take in the scent of her soft flowing hair, have my arms wrapped around her small waist, knowing I had the right person to hold. I'd tell her I love her and watch her smile and stare deep into her beautiful eyes then kiss her soft lips like the night that could of been so lust-filled all those years ago.

And then I wake up and remember it's not Beth I can hold. Not her lips I can touch. Not her smile I stare into. Not her eyes I get lost in. Not her scent I breathe. Not her face I can caress. Not her I can protect. Not her. Not her. Not... It's Ruby.

Ruby's fake, twisted smile. Ruby's dull, lifeless eyes. Ruby's chapped, bitter lips. Ruby's overpowering, shelf-priced scent. It's Ruby who forces a smile at mine. Who sighs in boredom when I put my arms around her. Who looks through crowds instead of looking at me.

Ruby who cheats.

Who smiles at other guys instead of me. Who tells me she's busy most nights. Is more than happy to meet my friends - all of which are more than happy to see her slender figure appear. Who forgets my birthday and always hangs up first. Who never tells me she loves me. Who won't let me speak to any girls and flirts with every guy. Who gets drunk at parties and sleeps around. Who comes running back to me.

And I'm the fool who always believes it.

I'm the fool who always gives in to her pleading face. The one who lets her do it again. The one who can't handle being alone. Because I know the one I really want doesn't want me. I missed my chance. She's gone.

I unball my fists and lift my face as the door infront of me is unlocked. There stood Ruby. In her ever too familiar dress - the one she wore whenever she wanted to plead. Eyeliner streamed across her cheeks, good fake tears I must say. I left out a small sigh as she said my name.

"Frankie, baby," she whimpered.

Not any more Frank. You don't have to put up with this any more. With her. With her lies.

I stood firmly, looking her straight in the eye. I didn't want the new Ruby. The one who cheated and lied to get what she wanted. The one I couldn't let go of. I wanted the old Beth. My childhood sweetheart and the love of my life. The girl I knew just a few years ago, the one who I loved being around and trusted with my life.

Ruby wasn't like that. Ruby wanted to be known. She wanted to be a singer; famous. She wanted to be known by all the guys but she didn't see what everyone else saw. She thought she had it all but we didn't. No, the ones who really loved her. We saw what she was doing to herself. She thought drinking was the thing to do. We didn't when we picked her up on street corners. The ones who really loved her, saw she was destroying herself.

She didn't believe us though, she didn't want to believe what she was doing wasn't right. And that's what made me do it. She was so unlike Beth. My love. Beth always had my heart. Ruby was a phase. I'd wished she'd change but she never did. I was strong enough to look after myself now. I didn't need Ruby. She needed to pick herself up off the ground. She'd underestimated how hard life really was.

It was over fast. The fake tears stopped. Her jaw clenched. Her insults were spat. And then the door slammed shut. That was it. She was gone. And so was Beth. I was on my own. I wanted Beth back but I knew she wasn't coming back. I just had to be strong. I walked home and waited. For what I don't know. Just waited.