On the Outside Looking In

I had my bags packed and I was all ready. Standing at the airport, I felt slight regret for ever hurting Syn and Gerard, I hadn't meant to. Lust gets the better of people sometimes and it's hard to control.

I stood outside in the dark waiting for my plane to arrive. I lit up a cigarette and pulled my bags closer to me; it was starting to get cold. I checked my watch to see when it'd be in. Any time now. I stubbed out my cigarette and walked inside and through customs.

I boarded the plane and looked out of the window into the dark sky, laden with stars. The moon shone out brightest, and it reminded me of Syn. Always standing out, different, unique, special.

My eyes welled up thinking about Syn; I wouldn't see him for a while; possibly ever again. He was in prison now, and it'd be three years before he got out, and a further two years before Gerard was released.

If I ever came back, I swear I would make things right.

I plued in my headphones and listened to music. The first song that came up was Young Lust by Pink Floyd. I seriously had to find some new music. I put the next one on and it was Hold On by Good Charlotte.

My heart broke as I listened to the lyrics.

'Hold on, and you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more.'

I guess this was my payback for all those times I'd been a bastard.

And I realise, if I really loved Syn, I would let him go, which is why I'm moving to Canada. It'll take my mind off of him for a while, and maybe when I come back, I won't like him.

But for now, I love you, Brian Haner.