On the Outside Looking In

I strolled along to the lunch hall as it was rapidly approaching 12pm. As I sat alone at a table looking out over the hall, I wondered what I would say to Gerard when I saw him.

I wasn't thinking along the lines of "Oh yeah, the guys were joking about me being gay, and liking you, which is true, but I pretended it wasn't and got pissed off and came to find you."

'Cause that would work.

The doors slammed open and the bigger inmates entered first, followed by the drug dealers, kiddy fiddlers and weedy guys. Then there was Gerard.

In my head, I'm pretty sure I heard God cry.

I had no idea what to do! It'd be wierd if I just walked straight up to him and started flirting...

Oh God! He hadn't seen me which was good, I was gathering my thoughts greeting the inmates as I did. I tried not to look suspiscious; which was difficult.

Wait, what the fuck? Suspiscious? Why should I feel suspiscious about liking someone?

Ah what the hell. I just walked over and sat down opposite him. He had a coffee and a sandwhich with an...interesting looking filling.

"Uhh, hey!" I said in as cheerful a voice I could.

"Hey Syn" The other man replied, looking slightly saddened to see me.

"So what've you been up to?" I stupidly asked, what would he have been up to? Everyone can see him through the bars, there's cameras, and nothing to actually do. Ugh I'm such a dumbass when it comes to talking.

"Uh, you know, bit of this, bit of that." Oh My God, does this man know how attractive he is when he talks? His voice hit me like I was a house of cards and he was a rainstorm. It momentarily knocked me breathless. His breath smelt of coffee mostly, and other fragrances I couldn't detect.

I was glad he couldn't see what I was thinking of.

"Cool I guess, so yeah, I wanted to come talk to you because the guards lounge sucks at the moment, and I'm kind of on duty I guess. Zacky's over there but I decided to help." I tried to make excuses and failed. I could see the smirk form on his face; to one side, it was cute.

"Okay," He answered with that smile, taking another bite of his sandwhich. "So why does the guards lounge 'suck'?"

I fumbled my thoughts around in my head. "Uhh, well they joke that I flirt with the inmates when they come in, and because I mentioned you they asked if I'd 'flirted' with you yet, so I got pissed." I answered awkwardly, feeling quite stupid, because now he'd think I wasn't gay, which I had come to terms with now.

"Oh right, okay then," He said with that same smirk, looking extremely seductive for some reason. I didn't want to make it obvious in a room full of prisoners that could rape you at any moment. "So does that mean you don't fancy me then?" He said in a sarcastic tone.

"God, not you as well!" I turned to leave but he grabbed my hands. I turned my head round to look at him and his eyes pleaded with me.

"Look, I'm sorry, don't leave, Syn, I won't do anything like that again, I promise." He did care, well, at least a bit. I hoped this was a sign he was gay. I just wanted to kiss him, but I couldn't just, you know, do it.

It was lucky Zacky hadn't noticed yet to be honest. He let go of my hands realising he still had hold and blushed, which was extremely cute.

We chatted and laughed for a few minutes, while I exchanged glances over to Zacky every few minutes. He'd seen us and smiled then gone back to his paper, but I don't think he thought anything of it.

I did. I hoped Gerard did.

He stood up after finishing his food and motioned me to follow. I checked on Zacky, still reading his paper, so I snuck out with Gerard quickly and quietly.