And We're Fine

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Camille crashed into her apartment in a fit of fury, storming past her dad as he read his newspaper on the couch, and finally collapsed across her bed, her entire body trembling with rage. She could feel her entire body convulse from the mixture of anger and anxiety blending around in her brain.

Camille couldn’t stay still for long, and she soon bounced off the bed, pacing around her cramped bedroom as she cursed her so-called best friend under her breath. Soon her speech to herself became more hand motions and groans than words.

After doing a couple jumping jacks in an attempt to release all of her negative energy, Camille took a seat at her desk and stretched out her arms and fingers outwards from her body. She reached over to give her computer’s mouse a shake, causing the familiar blue and white layout of Facebook’s homepage to flood the screen. Of course, Kandi’s stupid face would be at the top of her news feed, her smug smile causing Camille’s blood to rush to her cheeks.

This entire weekend had been a slow burn, and Camille had somehow managed to keep her mouth shut about the whole situation, but this latest discovery was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

The night before, the guys had been hosting yet another forbidden party in their apartment, and Camille, Jo, and Kandi had walked in, intent on only showing up to dance and have a girls’ night. Of course, things never ended up going as planned.

Jo was the first to break away, her head full of golden blonde curls soon just another blur in the crowd as she clung onto her boyfriend Kendall’s hand.

Camille was exactly surprised; in the short span that they’d been dating, Kendall had quickly taken the forefront of Jo’s thoughts. So much for girl code.

Underneath the almost club-like mood lighting, Camille and Kandi danced together to a fast-paced hip hop song, their bodies leaning and rocking to the beat. Camille had always enjoyed dancing with girls more than she enjoyed dancing with guys. Guys either moved awkwardly or were too touchy-feely; there was almost always no middle ground.

That feel-good high from letting loose on the dancefloor immediately crashed as soon as she saw him work his way through the crowd and over to them. His black leather jacket seemed to hang off of his small frame, causing Camille’s heart to sink slightly in her chest. Even though he’d broken up with her months earlier, it still hurt for her to see him, see how this city was changing him, pulling him from his awkward math geek shell and molding him into some sort of arrogant twit.

They say you never forget your first love, but Camille barely recognized the Logan that was standing in front of her.

He offered her a slight wave as he sidled up to her friend, their words inaudible against the music blaring from the speakers around them. Kandi’s brown eyes met hers as she mouthed something to Camille, flashing her a one with her index finger before ducking off into the crowd behind Logan.

Camille couldn’t deny the fact that she was curious as to what her ex would want with her new friend, but she shrugged it off. She had noticed the two of them talking a lot lately, but she didn’t think it was anything more than that.

She moved through the crowd, spending the next couple of songs dancing with James. His shaggy brown hair fell in and out of his light brown eyes as his shoulders and hips moved to the rhythm. Camille was actually a bit thrown off that he wasn’t trying to grind on her; James was a notorious ladies man, but he was actually a pretty good dancer.

After a couple songs, another girl caught James’s eye, causing him to weave through the crowd after her to leave Camille alone again.

She spotted Carlos sipping a drink by the door and walked over to him. They made quick small talk, but it was difficult to hear each other over the music, so they ended up just dancing instead. The next stream of songs was a mix of eighties dance music with a few rap songs thrown in. Though Carlos was generally a laid-back guy, he really let go on the dancefloor. He fistpumped fiercely to the beat, his energy rivaling that of anyone else thrashing around them, and it was infectious. Camille felt better, like she was shaking off the downer skin her previous encounter with Logan had left her bearing.

Of course, that uplifting vibe could only last for so long. As soon as the upbeat dance song faded out into a slower, more intimate tune, couples began to gather on the dancefloor, they bodies swaying in time to the music.

With her shoulders slumped, Camille stood at the edge of the crowd. It felt like everyone had someone except for her. She used to have someone, but she immediately shook the thought of Logan from her mind.

The feisty brunette pushed her way through the lovers, desperate to find Kandi, Jo, anyone that she could talk to, just to take her mind off of everything. What she did find made her sick to her stomach, and she could almost taste the bitter bile rising in her throat.

The skirt of her yellow dress was hiked up around her hips as she clutched his leather jacket in her fist. They were completely tangled up in each other, their bodies thrashing against each other on one of the orange sofas in the guys’ living room.

It was one of the most disgusting things Camille had ever seen in her life, and even as she turned away, her chest heaving as she gasped for air, the image of her friend and the love of her life dry-humping each other was etched in her mind. All she could think was how could they do this to her?

She had been good enough to let Kandi into her circle of friends when the girl had first moved in, and this was the repayment she received.

Camille wanted to scream, wanted to yank Kandi off of Logan and just shake her, but her body felt numb. Instead of allowing her rage to overtake her, she pulled her emotions together, letting her inner method actress take over.

She could vaguely remember Jo’s voice ringing in her ear, asking her if she was okay as she forced her way towards the door. Camille didn’t mean to be rude, but she just had to get out of there, had to get space. She needed to breathe.

Luckily, when she reached her apartment, her dad was asleep, leaving her to wallow in her puddle of emotions without having to answer any questions.

She collapsed face-first onto her bed, her hands gripping the pillow beneath her as her tears soaked through. Two black blotches stained the white pillowcase as she cried herself to sleep.

Now Camille was sitting at her computer, her fingers pounding against the keyboard, typing the words she’d never be able to say.

Her train of thought was interrupted as her father poked his balding head through the door.

“Camille, you have company,” he said quickly before ducking back into the living room.

Wondering who it could possibly be, probably Jo coming to check on her, Camille minimized the window on the screen and walked to her bedroom door. The girl she’d just been typing a furious message to seconds ago was standing in front of her, her hands shoved in the back pockets of her jeans and a worried expression stamped across her face.

“Hey Kandi,” she sighed, refusing to make eye contact.

“Hey Camille, how’s it going?”

“Everything’s fine,” she almost spat out. “How are you?”

“Pretty good.” A Slight smile crept across her lips, and Camille had to fight the urge to slap it straight off.

Awkward silence filled the space between them, and Kandi was the one to finally break it.

“Anyways, I stopped by to ask you if it was okay if I started seeing Logan. I mean, I know you guys dated a while back, so I just wanted to run it by you first. Trying to adhere to girl code and everything,” she chuckled.

Every bone in her body was begging her to say no, but if she said no, she’d have to admit that she was still cared for him, and that was the one thing she wasn’t willing or ready to do.

“Um, yeah, that’s totally fine,” she forced the words off of her tongue, plastering a fake smile on her face.

“Okay, so we’re good? I don’t want things to be weird between us. You’re my best friend here and everything.”

“We’re fine.”

Her performance could’ve won an Oscar.