Crazy Beautiful

I hurt.

Everything just hurts. And I can't open my eyes. Or at least it's really hard to.

My head is pounding and I feel my heart beat through it. I can't move my arms, when I try to it hurts and my leg too.

And my stomach, oh god my stomach feels nauseated and stingy.

I slowly start to open my eyes with difficulty. There's a big white light, and I'm in a white room.

It smells like...

Hospital.

Oh god, I had an episode. And Mother has sent me away.

Oh god.
No.

What about Gerard, Mikey, Bob and Ray?

What about... my daddy? I just saw him and now he's gone.

What about-

"Zoey? Zoey you're awake!" I try to turn my head to look at the familiar voice but my head hurts too much and I just end up falling back on the pillow.

"Ff-Frank?" I croak. My voice is horse, and my throat is dry.

He comes closer to the bed and grabs my hand in his, gripping it lovingly.

I feel calmer now that Frank is here. Knowing that I couldn't be in a mental hospital, they wouldn't let Frank visit me. And that wouldn't explain why I hurt so much.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask quietly.

"A couple weeks. I was so scared Zoe. I thought-... I thought I was going to loose you, and I didn't know what I would do if you left." he says his eyes becoming watery.

I give his hand a comforting squeeze, "What happened? I don't really remember."

"Well after the little incident at the Thanksgiving party you drove off somewhere and you were speeding so fast that you didn't see the FedEx truck, and it hit you. It was a really bad accident. You had some head trauma, and you got this big piece of metal stuck in your side, and you broke your arm a couple of your ribs. You're pretty banged up." he says moving some hair out of my face.

"Wow. Well, what have I missed? Where is everyone?"

"You've just missed some homework nothing big. They probably won't make you do it. You're gonna have to stay here a little while longer anyways to recover. And they're all at work."

"What time is it?"

"Around 7, it's Wednesday, December 6."

I nod then try to say something but all that comes out is a cackling cough. My ribs hurt badly and so does my side.

Frank gets a bottle of water and straw and gives me a drink.

"Don't talk right now. You need to rest. I'm gonna go tell someone you're awake. Just relax I'll be right back." he says and kisses my cheek before leaving.

I sigh and take a minute to think about my life. I wonder if Mother has come to visit me in the hospital or if she has been too busy with work to bother.

I hope she's come to see me, and I hope that Daddy and I will be able to talk, and I'll be able to see him again. Maybe even be accepted into the Way family. I'm not looking to become totally apart of the family. I don't want to cause any stress, but I would like to spend time with my father, and my two new brothers.

Should I even consider them my brothers? I wonder if they're still mad at me. I really hope not, they're the best friends I could ever hope for. It would be a shame to lose them.

Is Donna now considered my step-Mother? Should I even ask?

All this thinking is making my head hurt even more than it already does. Maybe I should just wait and see what happens.

Frank comes in with a doctor trailing behind him. He pulls a chair up by the hospital bed and holds my hand as the doctor takes out my file and looks over it.

"Well Ms. Cataloni, how do you feel?"

"Uhm, I kind of hurt... All over. But other than that I'm okay I guess."

"Well you seem to be doing okay. You had us in a right scare there. But it's good you're awake now. We're gonna keep you here the rest of the week, you can go home Saturday. You'll be on pain medication and you'll be on bed rest for the next week. Then after that you'll have to take it easy for awhile." he says pushing his glasses up his nose. "We may even get you a wheel chair of some sort; we don't want to put any stress on your stomach. Even if the metal didn't hit any organs we don't want to tear the wound. And... It says in the file that you're on a series of anti-depressants and medicine for your panic attacks? Is that correct?" I nod and he continues. "Well we'll have to do some testing on your brain waves and other things but the trauma to your head may have stabilized the chemicals in your head and you may not have to take medicine for your depression anymore. You'll still however have to take it for the panic attacks; the trauma didn't affect that part of the brain."

"Oh, well thank you doctor. Is that all?"

"Yes. Stay here and rest, you can push the call button if you need anything, have a nice day." he waves and walks away.

No more medicine? No more being sleepy all the time and walking around like a zombie. I'll be able to laugh, to feel to cry when I want to.

But then it dawns on me.

"I still won't be able to dream." I say quietly.

"What?" Frank asks.

"I still won't be able to dream... Oh well, why am I complaining? At least I won't have to take as much medicine." I say trying to forget about it.

All I've ever wanted to do since I've stopped is start dreaming.

To go off in my own little world. I don't even remember what it feels like to dream.

"Zoey! Yay you're awake!" Gerard says as he enters the room.

"Gee!" I say as he comes over to the bed and tries to give me a hug without hurting me.

"And Mikey!"

"And Bob!"

"And don't forget Ray!"

"Hi guys. What's goin' on what have I missed?"

"Nothing except for boringness. You know I didn't think it would be that different without you around, but damn is it boring." Ray says.

"Aw, well I go home Saturday so try to hold out for a little longer."

"Well we all kind of got you something." Mikey says.

"Aw really? Why? You shouldn't have."

"We wanted to; it's kind of like a get well present." Gerard says.

"But we couldn't bring it to the hospital... so you'll just have to wait till you go home." Mikey says.

"You didn't leave it at my house did you? My mom probably threw it out." I say frowning.

"No it's in your room at our house." Mikey says, and then immediately covers his mouth. Gerard smacks him in the back of the head.

"My room at your house?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"Well, see that was going to be another surprise. Until Mikey let it slip." Gerard says, "Dad and Mom talked to your mom and Dad was really upset because your mom hadn't come to see how you were or anything, and she like went all crazy and said that you could move in with us and all this other crap that's not very pleasant. So now you're living with us!" he says smiling.

"You guys aren't mad at me?" I ask quietly.

"No, why would we be mad at you?"

"Well, because of the whole..."

"It's not your fault, and its not ours. We shouldn't have overreacted like we did and we're really sorry." Mikey says.

"Yea and we're really happy that we have a sister to torture now." Gerard smiles evilly.

I smile happily, but then the smile frowns as I realize what my mother means.

She doesn't want me. She hates me so much that now that Daddy is back, she's just shoving me out the door and getting rid of me.

"Zoey? What's wrong?" Frank says.

I nod, "Yes, it's just... My mom..." I say tears brimming my eyes. "She really doesn't..."

"Zoey forget about her. If she doesn't care for her own daughter, who I might add is amazing. Then you shouldn't waste your tears on her. She doesn't deserve it." Frank says.

I nod and Frank wipes my tears away.

"Okay enough with this teary eyed business." Bob says, "Lets all just try and think positive thoughts. Zoey is awake, and now we won't be bored anymore."

We all spent the next hour talking about random things and laughing. Then they all had to go because visiting hours were almost over and they needed to get home.

I bid them all goodbye, and of course gave Frank a goodbye kiss before they all left, saying they'd stop by tomorrow.

I'm looking out my hospital window from my bed watching the snow fall lightly past the window, when I hear footsteps enter the room.

I turn my head and see my father standing in the door way. I smile at him as he comes closer to the bed.

"Hi Daddy." I say quietly.

"Hey sleepy head. How ya' holdin up?" he says grabbing my hand.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good... Listen, I want to first say sorry for ever leaving you. Believe me it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wanted so badly to take you with me, but it was just so complicated. I thought about you, think about you everyday. On your birthday I bought you a present, and I thought about sending it to you. But I didn't think that your mother would give it to you, so I've just got them up in the attic in a special box." he says chuckling a bit, but wiping away a stray tear. "I'm sure Gerard and Mikey told you the news. We've turned the guest room into your room. When you get better you and Donna can go shopping for stuff for your room."

"Donna's not mad at me?"

"No sweetheart. Donna's really excited to have you come live with us. When you were younger she wanted you to come live with us, but like I said it was just too complicated."

I nod and we sit there in a silence for a few moments. "Dad, why doesn't she love me?" I ask looking out the window.

"Oh Zoey, don't think that she doesn't love you. I believe that deep down inside somewhere she really does love you. Its just she's incapable of caring for you. She's always been like that; I guess it just got worse after I left. She didn't have a very good relationship with her parents either. Just don't ever think that she doesn't love you."

"Thanks Dad... Dad?"

"Yes sweetie."

"Promise you won't leave again. I don't think I could take it again, you leaving. Just please don't leave." I say a tear escaping my eye.

"I promise Zoey, never again. Not until its time for me to go. When I'm old and gray... well older and grayer." he says chuckling.

I smile at his remark and hold his hand tighter. Happy that he's back.

My hero, my protector, my father.