Crazy Beautiful

I’m running.

To nowhere, from nothing. Just running.
And running.
And running.
And running.

It looks like I keep going around in circles. I don't even know what I'm looking for but I know that I don't want to stop running.

My lungs burn and my chest aches. I know I won't be able to run for much longer, and pretty soon its not like I'm even running anymore. Just stumbling over my own feet, trying to get away from whatever is after me.

Then my feet sink, like I'm running through quick sand. I can't get through it.

I'm stuck.

Falling through this black, sticky pit that the ground has turned into. I keep reaching for anything, the ground, grass, a tree branch. But everything is out of my reach. I'm so close to going under and all I can do is scream.

Scream and pray someone here's me.
Scream and hope that something will just save me, from everything.
From this hole that I keep falling into.
From the nothingness, waiting to swallow me whole.
From myself-

"Zoey! Zoey, please just wake up! You're dreaming!" someone's exasperated voice says from above me.

I sit up, looking around frantically.

Frank's sitting next to me with a very concerned look on his face. But believe me I'm just as confused as he is.

First of all, what the fuck is he doing here?

Why didn't he just leave while I was passed out? I wouldn't of minded. Its understandable, I wouldn't want to stay either.

But here he is, sitting next to me looking genuinely torn up about seeing me in this state and he's-... pulling me into his arms? I push away from him, quickly getting to the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

I'm so embarrassed.
Not only did he see me have a mental break down, he just watched me wake up screaming; probably at the top of my lungs.

I grab my meds and take them dry.

"...Zoey?" Frank's timid voice knocks from the other side of the door.

"yes?"

"Can I come in?"
"...Its unlocked."

He peeks his head in first, then delicately; almost as if he's afraid one sudden move might hurt me, comes into the bathroom. He stands in front of me, studying me.

I don't look up at him. I won't look up at him. I'm ashamed. I didn't want him to see me like that, I don't ever want anyone to see me like that ever again.

He steps closer to me and pulls me into his arms.

What is he doing? Why isn't he gone?

"Zoey...are you going to be okay?" he asks softly.

Hurt.

He sounds, hurt. And... worried.

I nod, "Yes I'll be fine Frank... I just... I haven't been taking my pills for awhile...and...I'm fine now."

"I was scared...I thought... I didn't know what to do. And you looked so scared."

He's holding on to me tighter. Pulling me closer, like he's afraid to let go.

"I'm okay now. I took my pills. Everything is going to be fine." I say looking up at him. "Frank...why are you still here?"

"What do you mean why am I still here? I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to be here to take care of you."

"But...you didn't have to..."

"But I wanted to."

"Why?"

"Because...because I care about you."

"No one else does."

"That's not true. Me and the guys, we care about you." he says pulling me back to him," And your M-"

"No. She doesn't. I wish she did. I honestly wish she did. I pretend she does. I try to make her happy. I leave when she's home. Even if I have no where to go. I'll just drive. Or sit in my car in some parking lot. Just so she won't have to see me for too long. But she doesn't."

"Even if she doesn't. You've still got 5 other guys who care the world about you." he says looking into my eyes, "I, especially, care about you."

I stare into his eyes for a few more seconds then just bury my face in his chest. He just tightens his grip around me and holds me there.

We stay like that for a few minutes then move to my room, and lay down on my bed.

I like having Frank near me.
He's so comforting.

It's quiet for a few minutes then the phone rings. I get up and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Zoey I'm working late tonight so you'll have to find something to eat for yourself. I'm actually working late for the rest of the week so I'll probably just come home while you're at school tomorrow to drop off some money and pick up some clothes so I can just get a hotel room closer to work."

"Okay."

"Maybe you can invite one of you little friends over. I don't care just don't burn down the house. And take your pills. We don't want you going crazy."

"Yes Mother."

"Yes, well I have to go. Goodbye."

"Bye Mother, I lo-" click. The dial tone comes on.

I solemnly walk back over to my bed and sit down.

"What's wrong?" Frank asks.

"She's not coming home for a week...She's working later all week and she's just going to rent a hotel room."

"Well now we can hang out here all week."

"I'm going to be alone for a week... I never really see her when she is home, but at least I know she's here...What time is it?"

"About...10:30."

"You should get home. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I already called my mom and told I might not come home tonight."

"Did you...did you tell her about me?"

"Well, I had to explain-"

"You told her about me?! It's bad enough you know! But now your mom knows! She'll probably tell the whole city. All of her friends that her son has a mental friend. And then everyone else will know!-"

"Zoey, it's okay she won't tell anyone. And about the guys, why don't you want them to know. They wouldn't laugh at you. They-"

"Yes they will...everyone always does. They laugh and -"

"If you haven't noticed, we're not like everyone else Zoey. We except people for who they are. We don't care about materials or who's in and who's out. You're our friend, and we're here for you. At least I am. And I'm not laughing at you. I never will."

Everything in my mind is telling me, yelling at me to just make him leave. Maybe stop taking my pills so Mother will send me away. But part of me knows that I can trust Frank, and everyone else. They've been so kind to me, so welcoming.

"You don't have to stay Frank, I mean you don't have any clothes here."

"I can run home in the morning really quick. Or I could go get some right now and come back."

"But I don't want you to go through all that trouble-"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No..."

"Then I won't. Look I'll go home and get what I need for tomorrow then I'll be back okay?"

I nod and watch as he grabs his shoes and jacket and heads for the door. He smiles at me before he leaves and I hear him go down the stairs and out the door.

While he's gone I do my night time ritual and change into some shorts and a t-shirt.

I turn my light off and lay down in bed. I'm half asleep when I hear Frank come back into the house. He starts towards the stairs but then stops and goes back to the door, I'm guessing to lock it.

Then he continues up the stairs and towards my room. He knocks lightly then when I don't answer he peeks in to see me already in bed seemingly asleep.

He sets his book bag by the door then goes into my bathroom with some clothes in his hand.

He comes back out in some pajama pants and a t-shirt. He walks over to my bed and looks skeptically at it. He's deciding if he should just crawl in with me, or if he should sleep on the floor.

I don't want him to sleep on the floor, so I scoot over and lift the covers up.

"I thought you were asleep." he says as he gets in next to me.

"Nope. I heard you come in. I was halfway asleep...-yawn- Goodnight."

"Night." he says quietly.

Not even 10 minutes after I'm almost asleep, I feel him put his arms around my waist and pull me close. And I fall asleep peacefully.

Frank's POV:

After some fighting for the bathroom and trying to get ready for school, Zoey and I are in her car driving to school.

I want to stay again tonight. I haven't asked her yet, but I will soon. I don't want her to be alone. I want her to feel safe, and I wanna keep her safe.

We pull up to school and we meet up with Mikey. He looks at us skeptically as we approach.

"Hey guys. Frank, I came to pick you up this morning but your mom said you were at Zoey's."

"Yea..I uh-cough-spent the night there..."

He raises an eyebrow and I give him the 'I'll tell you later' look.

We all talk for awhile then Zoey and I have to get to class so we say bye to Mikey and go our separate ways.

At lunch I pull Mikey aside while Zoey's getting something from her locker.

"Okay so what is going on? Did you guys sleep together?" Mikey asks.

"NO! No we did not sleep together. It's just...something happened. And I didn't want to leave her alone...And... maybe you should ask her..."

"What, why can't you tell me?"

"Because she needs to tell you."

We go to our usual spot and sit around quietly for a few minutes.

"So, uh...What happened yesterday?" Mikey suddenly says.

Zoey looks at me and I nod telling her that she needs to say it.

She shakes her head giving me a pleading look. I just shake my head again and look away.

"Okay then...is it that ba-"

"I had a panic attack." Zoey says looking at me.

"Oh... Seriously?"

"Yeah."

Mikey just looks at her, a shocked expression on his face," Wow...Is that why you take all that medicine?"

She nods, not looking up from the ground.

"Well that's not that bad." Mikey said.

Her head shot up, "What?"

"That's not that bad. I mean you take medicine for it. And you seem fine. I mean I never would've guessed."

"So..you don't think I'm crazy?"

"No. Even if you're not completely normal, neither are we. And besides it's overrated to be normal."

We all just kinda laugh and finish our lunch.

The rest of the day is uneventful and soon the last bell rings. I'm walking to Zoey's locker with her just having a light conversation.

"Are you staying again tonight?" she asks.

"Well, I mean I can if you want me to. But if you don't then..."

"I want you to stay again." she says unlocking her locker.

"Then yes, I'm staying again tonight." I smile.

"Well I have to work so... I can meet you at Mikey's when I get off of work since we're all probably gonna be hanging out there."

"Yea, that sounds good."

She grabs what she needs then we head out to her car. She drops me off at Mikey's then goes to work.

Mikey and I are in the garage just talking and messing around with our guitars.

"So, why did you stay the night at Zoey's again?"

"Well, we were talking and she started to talk about how her mom doesn't want her around and how she makes her leave the house every time she's home or something like that. Then she told me she was sick, and she told me what she had. And then she started having an attack or something, and she looked so scared... I guess she hadn't been taking her meds or something. And she was just... I was so scared Mikey... I didn't know what do. And she fell asleep and had this horrible just terrorizing nightmare, and I couldn't leave her. I didn't want to leave her. So I just stayed."

"Wow... So you like her a lot don't you?"

"Yea... I do like her a lot. I'm staying again tonight."

"Well you should tell her."

"What? No, I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, it's just. I don't think she likes me like that."

"How do you know? She let you stay in her house and she's letting you stay again."

"Well yea but-"

"But nothing. Tell her, or at least ask her out or something."

"I don't know. I guess I'll try..."

It's another half hour before everyone starts showing up. Zoey and Gerard come in around the same time, I'm guessing they clocked out at the same time.

"How was work?" Ray asks as Gerard goes over to one of the big chairs and Zoey sits in the spot next to me.

"Eh, it was okay. Cept for someone kept falling asleep on the job." he says jokingly.

"Well I'm sorry that my medicine makes me a tad bit tired." she says laughing.

"Well don't take so much of it then." Bob says.

"If you want me to stay sane, then I have to take it."

"What do you mean stay sane?" Ray asks laughing.

"I mean I have really, insanely bad panic attacks and night terrors and if you want me to stay stable then I need to take so much medicine."

"Oh..." Gerard says.

"Damn that sucks." Ray adds.

We just hang out for the next few hours and somewhere in that time Zoey falls asleep. Bob's about to wake her up but I stop him.

I pick her up in my arms and say bye to everyone. I put her in the back seat of her car then find her keys and drive back to her house. I pick her up out of the car then carry her into the house and up to her room. I pull her shoes and jacket off then put the covers over her.

It's about 9 and I decide I'm going to make us a little snack while she's sleeping for a little bit.

I go downstairs and find some mac n' cheese. I make the mac n' cheese then put it into a big bowl and grab two forks. I get her a glass of water to take her night time pills with and then head back up to her room.

She's just waking up when I get there. "Hey, you feel asleep so I just put you in the car and drove us back here. And I made us mac n' cheese, cause I thought you might be hungry."

She smiles at me and nods, moving over so I can sit on the bed with her.

"Oh I need to take-"

"Your medicine. I'll get it where is it?" I ask.

"Frank, you don't have-"

"I want to. Now where is it?"

"It's in the bathroom, I need one of each."

I get up and get her medicine then go back and give it to her. She takes it with the water then we start to eat.

"Frank, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Doing everything for me?"

"Because I like you."

"Well I know, I like you too but you don't have-"

"No. I mean I really like you. A lot."

"Oh..."

"Do you..."

"Like you?...I... well, I..."

I knew it. I never should've listened to Mikey.

"It's okay if you don't Zoey. I was just wondering..."

"No, no I do...it's just..."

"What?"

"I've never..."

"Had a boyfriend before?"

She nods shyly looking away.

"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that I like you, and you like me." I said pulling her into my arms. "So... I guess what I'm trying to say is... Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Okay." she says smiling.