Paths of Hatred

"Jakilyn? Jakilyn Sanders? Your mother is waiting."

A rotund dark skinned woman peered through the bars of a small pink room, while pushing in Jakilyn's outside clothes. Jaki grabbed them, then waited for the woman to turn around. When she did, Jaki quickly pulled off the CJDC orange jumpsuit and pulled on her own clothes, skinny jeans, a white thermal, and her brothers old (and huge) baseball jacket. Ahh, sweet comfort.

"I'm ready." Jaki said to the Corrections Officer, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She'd been through this countless times. The CO then produced a keychain, found the right key, and unlocked the door.

"You know the way out, I shouldn't have to walk you there like you're a child." Jaki simply nodded, and began walking the dark blue strip that led out of the hell row, she called it, ignoring hoots and calls from the other..'inmates', if you could call them that. Most of them were barely old enough to be in high school, let alone a prison. But they didn't call it prison. Oh no. It was a "juvenile detention" center. And Jaki felt that she'd seen entirely too much of it. Tears began to form in her eyes, but she blinked them away. Crying in front of her mother after being released from jail is so cliche. And tacky. When she sighted her mother, sitting with her legs crossed and stress lines on her forehead, she ALMOST let a tear slip. But she didn't.

"Jax?"

Her mother's voice was weary, tired, and sounded like a scratched record.

She'd been crying.

"Look, Mom-"

Jaki's mother held up a hand, and motioned for her daughter to follow her out the door. Jaki obediently followed, picking up her backpack from the floor next to the chair her mother was just in. She followed her mother through the door, they both waited silently while the barbed wire gate was opened, and then waited again for the electric fence to be de-lectrified. Not a word was spoken, not while they were exiting the CJDC parking lot, not even when her mother took a turn leading away from their house. The only thing her mother said was, "Panera or Coco's?"

Jaki chose Panera, the atmosphere in there gave her a feeling of comfort. Her mother new exactly what she wanted, and, as ususal, she went to get seats by the fireplace while her mother ordered.

Jaki wasn't always a troublemaker, she wasn't always the girl who had been to juvie four times. And she was NEVER the girl that made her mother cry. Once opon a time her life was great, her family was wonderful, and she'd barely even heard of a such thing called alcohol. It might seem cliche, but she used to be a good girl. Her brother was always the troublemaker, not her . Now, it seemed that they had switched roles. He was in college, in California, on the way to graduating. His grades were good. He seemed to be doing just fine, according to her mother. She was skipping class, her grades were barely passing, and her attitude? Horrible.

"Jax, honey?"

Jaki was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't even notice her mother had sat down. They stared at each other, sadness reflected in both of their eyes, until Jaki broke the silence.

"Yes?"

Her mother took a deep breath, and started talking.

"Jax, you have to tell me what the problem is? I've been beating myself up thinking it was because of your father, and us having to move away, I've been eaten up with guilt because I believe this is my fault. I know you miss your brother and even your douche of a father, but it can't be just that! Please..explain to me.."

As Jaki looked at her mother, literally breaking down in front of her, she felt the tears coming. Little Miss Tough Girl's stony exterior crumbled, and mommy's little girl began to cry. 'Is that what she thought,' Jaki wondered. 'That it was her fault?' If it was anyone's fault it was her dumb ass father, for having affairs, for being an alcoholic, for hitting her mother and scaring her so bad that they had to move away, leaving her brother and her friends and everything she had come to know and love. No, that wasn't her mother's fault.

Once her breathing calmed, Jaki explained everything, to the best of her ability.

"It's not your fault. Its partially Dad's fault but mostly mine. I allowed my sadness and anger to get the better of me and I let bad influences steer me into the drinking and other things. I'm not going to sit here and make excuses and blame you or even Dad. But I will say that all of my actions were reactions to..well pretty much everything. And I'm not just saying that."

Jaki's mother smiled through tear-stained eyes.

"I can tell you aren't 'just saying that'. And I can tell you're growing up. I also know you miss your brother..so I've arranged for you to stay with Matty for a while."

"Really? You'll let me stay with him?" Jaki's eyes lit up at the sound of her brother's name.

"Yes. I know you're growing up and obviously learning from these bad decisions you've been making. So I talked to Matthew and he agreed to let you stay with him."

Jaki jumped out of her seat to hug her mother.

"Oh my god mom. Thank you sooo much!"

Her mother eyed her warily.

"On 2 conditions. DON'T try to see your father, and PLEASE stay away from the alcohol..and other things."

Jaki chewed on her bottom lip. It was her nervous habit.

"Okay. I will."