This Is How You Remind Me

"So, painting tomorrow?" Adrienne questioned as she stood behind the couch.

I twisted my torso to look at her behind me as I was talking to her.

"Sure," I hesitated. I wanted to ask where Billie went, but then I figured it was none of my business.

"I think I'm going to head to bed pretty quick here. You're more than welcome to stay up and do whatever. Go explore if you want," Adrienne spoke. "Goodnight, Carmella. Sweet dreams."

And there it was. That motherly saying to wish you a good night's sleep. That saying that was supposed to make you feel so at home, so comfortable, so…loved.

But for me, it left a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's always what Lorraine says. If there was one thing to make me feel homesick, it's when lines like "sweet dreams" are repeated from others.

Of course, I couldn't let this show. Adrienne had no clue what those made me feel. So I opted for a safe reply.

"Goodnight, Adrienne," I told her softly.

She laid her hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze in a maternal way

I smiled up at her before she turned around and retreated down the hall and into her and Billie Joe's room.

As for me, I stood up and flipped the TV off. I treaded down the stairs and made my way into the foyer after running upstairs to grab my cell phone once more. I was contemplating for a while as to whether or not I should go sit outside and call Beth and Izzie.

"Hey you," was what I found myself saying as I sat on a cold cement step outside.

"Carmella! Hey! You like it there?" Beth asked, allowing me to hear the smile in her voice.

"Yeah, they're really nice. It's just really awkward," I admitted. "I don't feel at home. I feel like I'm intruding when I walk around the house."

"But that is your new home. You have to get used to it," Beth spoke, being the first to tell me the straight truth.

"give me that!" I heard another voice. "Hey Carmella, babe."

"Hey Izzie," I smiled.

"You okay over there?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told her until I saw headlights light up the driveway. "Hey Izz, I gotta go. Tell Beth and Lorraine that I love them and miss them. Billie's home."

"Alright, bye Carmella. Call me when you get the chance, okay?" Izzie asked. "Love ya."

"Will do. Love ya! Bye," I told her and flipped my phone shut. I shoved the phone into the pocket of my sweatshirt just in time to hear Billie's car door shut.

He walked up to me, a lit cigarette placed between his lips, "Hey kiddo. Whatcha up to out here?"

He stole the cigarette from his lips, blowing out the smoke he had sucked in a second ago.

"Nothing, just getting a breath of air," I told him. "Gonna head off to bed in a second or two, I think."

"Well hey, before you do, wanna go watch some TV or something?" he asked.

"Sure," I responded.

If today had to be summed up in two words, they'd be awkward and unsure.

I followed Billie inside after he stomped out his cigarette and jogged up the stairs to the living room for the third time that evening.

"So, what do you think? What should we watch?"

"Maybe Nick at Nite?" throwing a suggestion out there wasn't too bad of an idea.

"Alright. Nick at Nite it is," he smiled.

I remember watching some of The Fresh Prince with him and talking every now and again, but not too long after that, I was out like a light.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, only to find a pillow under my head and a blanket over my body and no lights or TV on. I stood up and folded the blanket neatly, setting it on the end of the couch and placing the pillow on top of that.

Walking up the stairs, through the hallway, and down the living room of the third floor, I made it to my room, closing the door behind me. I managed to not trip over my feet or anything while making it to my bed. I stripped my torso of my sweatshirt and set it over the handle of my door and slipped underneath the covers of my new bed.

I immersed myself in the comfy, white, down comforter, quickly letting sleep over take my body.